Your choices/decisions determine WHO you become… Stay TRUE to YOU Be Responsible in your actions – in school – in life. Be Respectful of yourself and to others – always. Be Motivated to do what is right, let your life be a positive example for others.

A.2. Skills to interact positively with others. A.3. Understanding the impact of Growth and Development PS:As.1 Recognize that everyone has rights and responsibilities PS:A1.6 Distinguish between appropriate and inappropriate behavior PS:A2.8 Learn how to make and keep friends Ps:B1.2 Understand consequences of decisions and choices

 EduGuide challenged high school English classes to think about advice teenagers would give.  We asked them to write about problems they've experienced and "what they learned the hard way."

In 8th grade I became best friends with this girl named Jenny. She seemed like she would be a very good friend. I guess that's when I learned that you should never judge a book by its cover. I soon learned that she was the exact opposite of a good friend. She would put me down, say mean things about me to other people, and toward the end of our friendship she would go out with the guys that I liked. I would tell myself that she was just having a bad day or that I was just imagining things. We did have a lot of fun together although, through teenage peer pressure, I mostly got in trouble with her. – “I mostly got in trouble with her.” Every day my self esteem would be lowered in some way by her. Is there someone in your life who talks negatively? - Constant negativity hurts all those involved.  Is Jenny acting in a way that demonstrates true friendship? How are her actions irresponsible, disrespectful, and what is her motivation? Jenny is using Ashley for a door mat it seems, Jenny’s irresponsible behavior is causing them to get into trouble. In school Jenny would probably cause Ashley to be late to class, encourage her to leave the table without throwing away her trash, and encourage her to disrespect her teachers.

She would tell me that I looked like a hippo in my clothes and that I needed to lose a lot of weight because I was fat. She would try and get me to starve myself. She got mad when I wouldn't listen to her, so finally I just gave up and did what she wanted because I wanted my best friend to be happy. I only managed to starve myself for a week. – Without proper nutrition your body and mind cannot function properly. Starving yourself is very unhealthy it causes you a lot of problems. Jenny ended up in the hospital after two months of starving herself. She couldn't smell food without getting sick. You should never give in to what your friends tell you to do if there's any doubt in your mind that it can hurt you or that it's wrong. If your friends are not demonstrating responsible, respectful, and motivated behavior, it is a good idea to gravitate toward friends who are. What are some actions that responsible, respectful, and motivated friends demonstrate? Our PBIS Matrix expectations for R,R, & M is valuable not just in school but beneficial for your future.

Eventually I stopped hanging out with her so much. I would only talk to her about once a month. My self esteem was gradually increasing. I started hanging out with better friends. I was doing well. Then, she called me and told me that she was pregnant. I thought that she had changed. She was naming me as the godmother, so I started hanging out with her again. Things were good for awhile. She gave birth to her son. I loved him to death. For the first couple of weeks I was at her house every day to help take care of him. The only problem was that I stopped going to school. – sounds like her “friend” was using her for childcare…at Ashley’s expense…peer pressure doesn’t always mean doing drugs or drinking – It can cause you to sabotage your future! Then I started going back to school a couple of months later. She started talking about me behind my back. The only time she would call me was to ask if I would watch the baby for her. She started to go back to my school. She knew that I had a crush on this guy. She started to flirt with him and the next week he was her boyfriend. It was horrible. I just couldn't take it anymore. – Peer Pressure is cruel I finally gave up on being her friend. The only reason I talk to her once in a while now is so that I can see my godson. I learned my lesson; you should never be friends with someone that is going to put you down all the time! If this or something similar is going on with you, ask yourself: is it worth feeling bad about yourself just to be friends with someone who makes you feel bad?

 Trustworthiness.  If you have trustworthy friends, then life is a lot easier for you. It's a lot better not having to worry about who your real friends are and aren't.  Honesty.  You don't want a friend who is always going to lie to you. You want someone that you can be real with and them with you in return.  Respect.  You want a friend who will respect who you are.  Acceptance.  You want a friend who isn't going to try and change the person that you are.  Someone you can count on.  You want a friend that you know will always be there for you through good and bad.

 Peers influence your life, even if you don't realize it, just by spending time with you. You learn from them, and they learn from you.  Just like the music you listen to and what you watch (TV, movies) – what you put in eventually comes out – are you filling your body, mind, and spirit with positive influences or negative ones??  It's only human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.  Your choices/decisions determine WHO you become…  Stay TRUE to YOU

 Peers can have a positive influence on each other. Maybe another student taught you an easy way to remember a math formula or someone on the soccer team taught you a cool trick with the ball.  You might admire a friend who is always a good sport and try to be more like him or her. Maybe you got others excited about your favorite book, and now everyone's reading it. These are examples of how peers positively influence each other every day. Do you see examples of being responsible, respectful, and motivated in positively influencing others?

 Some give in to peer pressure because they want to be liked, to fit in, or because they worry that other kids might make fun of them if they don't go along with the group.  Others go along because they are curious to try something new that others are doing.  The idea that "everyone's doing it" can influence some to leave their better judgment, or their common sense. Keep your common sense and follow your better judgment.  Are you positively following direction? Using good manners? Being a positive example for others? (PBIS)

 It is tough to be the only one who says "no" to peer pressure, but you can. Paying attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is right and wrong can help you know the right thing to do. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better.  It can really help to have at least one other peer, or friend, who is willing to say "no," too. This takes a lot of the power out of peer pressure and makes it much easier to resist. It's great to have friends with values similar to yours who will back you up when you don't want to do something.

 If you face peer pressure and you're finding it difficult to handle, talk to someone you trust.talk Don't feel guilty if you've made a mistake or two.  Remember NOBODY is perfect and we all learn from mistakes – we just don’t need to repeat them. Talking to a parent, teacher, or school counselor can help you feel much better and prepare you for the next time you face peer pressure.   EduGuide 