P UTTING IT ALL TOGETHER : R EVISION Unit 7 Seminar Welcome to Effective Writing 1- CM 107 Sheila Hageman  Feel free to chat and get acquainted until the music stops near the top of the hour. This session is held 8:00 – 9:00 PM (EST). Once the seminar starts, please keep all comments relevant to the class topic.

A RE THERE ANY QUESTIONS FROM U NITS 1-6?

U NIT 7: C ONSIDERING THE M ENTOR AND R EVISING THE J OURNEY Help with your writing is a great gift; the hero’s journey is full of helpers.

U NIT 7 W ORK Reading: Chapters 6 (THE WRITING PROCESS) and 17 (GRAMMAR, MECHANICS, SPELLING) of The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing. Discussion Board : Revisit Unit 3 project. Consider revision and editing, what would you change? When you’re ready, post your original writing alongside your revision and respond to: What did you decide to change? Why did these changes seem important to you? How has your writing example changed for the better?

S CHEDULE YOUR TIME FOR PROJECTS Make a schedule for drafting and stick as closely to it as possible. Do not write an entire essay in one sitting. Look ahead to the Unit 9 Final Project and start thinking about it now. You can do it all easily if you begin thinking about it now !

R EMEMBER THE PROCESS... The most common way students get “lost” in an essay is by not following the process for writing. The topic, thesis, and outline are parts of this process. Drafting and receiving feedback will be important parts of the same process; all this work is connected. Take time to make time; create a schedule for your work so that you can juggle all the responsibilities in your life.

S EEKING H ELP Ask for help when you need it! Your instructor is eager to help, but many times cannot help on the day before a project is due because there is not enough time. Also use the Kaplan Writing Center as part of your writing process from beginning to final draft. What other helpers, resources, and “amulets” exist?

D RAFTING Let’s look at how one student organized her work. On the next page, you’ll see a highlighted paragraph. The functions of each paragraph have been highlighted as: 1: Topic Sentence 2: Supporting Details 3. Closing Sentence

B ODY PARAGRAPHS Example body paragraph (thesis key point 1): topic sentence, support, closing sentence At the outset, Internet publishing promises writers powerful representation from major book vendors. For example, many Internet publishers have deals with industry giants such as Barnes and Noble and Amazon. In exchange for shared royalties, these booksellers list, promote, and sell both self-published and so-called “virtual reads” to their customer base (Lowell, 2005). This powerful marketing tool means that a writer can self-publish while having the selling advantage of those who have waited a long time to find print-publishing acceptance. This advantage can be attractive, as seen in the over 59 percent increase in self-published and electronic books (Lowell, 2005). As more booksellers agree to sign on for print-on-demand and e-book partnerships, the reading world can expect more authors to take this virtual publishing route.

R EVISING AND E DITING What is the differenc e between revising and editing?

R EVISING Revising means "seeing again." This is the part of the writing process where you make sure that your paper says exactly what you want it to say. Doing so will probably involve rewriting parts of it. Why should you revise? 11

R EVISING According to author Somerset Maugham, "Only a mediocre writer is always at his best." Writer Ernest Hemingway put it more pointedly, "The first draft of anything is sh--." What do you do after you are done writing your draft? 12

C OOL D OWN ! When you are finished with your draft, put your writing aside for 5-10 minutes (over night is even better!). Walk away, and then come back and reread your essay. You will see your work differently after a cooling down period. 13

R EAD THE PAPER OUT LOUD. Listen to the construction of your sentences. Are they clear and readable? Do they say what you want them to say? How would they sound to a reader? By reading out loud, you will often hear a mistake or a clumsy construction in your writing that has escaped your eye in silent reading. 14

W HEN R EADING Y OUR P APER, A SK Y OURSELF : 1. Does the introduction grab attention? 2. Is the thesis statement clearly identifiable? Can you point to it? If you can't, the reader won't be able to either. Does the thesis statement make a point? 3. Have you stuck to the topic and the point you are trying to make? 15

W HEN R EADING Y OUR P APER, A SK Y OURSELF : 4. Do the rest of the paragraphs prove your thesis? 5. Do the sentences and paragraphs flow? 6. Do you need to move a sentence or paragraph to clarify a section? 7. Does the paper make sense? Can the reader follow your ideas? 8. Is the conclusion strong and original? 16

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 1. Ask yourself: "What should I cut?" Thomas Jefferson, former president & the author of the Declaration of Independence, stated: "The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.” Stephen King, author of best selling horror novels, cuts words from his books when he revises. The chances are you may need to cut, also. 17

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 2. Avoid making the same point without adding new information or giving it a different interpretation. Dr. Seuss said it best: It has often been said there's so much to be read you never can cram all those thoughts in your head. So the writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads. That's why my belief is the briefer the brief is the greater the sigh of the reader's relief is. (Theodore Geisel) 18

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 3. Add in missing details Ask yourself: "What should I add?” Reread your paper to make sure that you have enough details so your reader can understand and accept your point. Do more research. Make your explanations clearer, and add examples. 19

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 4. Make Sentences Clear and Understandable Are all of your sentences clear? Do the words and sentences flow? If not, rewrite the awkward sections. Is your sentence structure varied? Vary the length and type of your sentences. Try to write not only simple sentences, but also compound and complex sentences. In plain English, that means to write some short sentences and some long sentences. 20

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 5. Variety is the Spice of Life! Vary the length of your paragraphs. Begin a new paragraph every time you change the subject. Avoid short paragraphs of one or two sentences. Readers prefer shorter paragraphs, so if your paragraphs are long, look for a place to divide them. Variety in sentences and paragraphs makes your writing more interesting to read. 21

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 6. Avoid Vagueness Make sure that your wording is exact. Avoid vague, general words and phrases. For example: Her work was poor. What type of work and what do you mean by poor? Make the situation clear to the readers: Her reports contained so many grammar and spelling errors that they were virtually illegible. 22

O THER T HINGS TO D O W HEN R EVISING 7. Verify Accuracy 8. Polish Introductions and Conclusions 9. Check your words Changing a word can make a big difference. As author Mark Twain said, "The difference between the right word and the wrong word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug." 23

W ORDS H AVE P OWER The words you use can make or break your writing. One student wrote about experiencing low self-a-steam [self esteem]. Another talked about the fowl [foul] behavior towards children by parents and coaches. Don't have your professional writing dismissed because of incorrect words. 24

H AVE Y OU U SED P LURAL P RONOUNS WITH S INGULAR N OUNS ? For example, "a child" or “a person” can not be referred to with "they" or "them" or "their." A child or a person is only one individual and must be referred to as "he or she.“ To avoid the "he or she" problem, use plural nouns such as "children" or "people." 25

W RITE IN S TANDARD A MERICAN E NGLISH Your paper won't work if your reader can't understand what you mean. Delete all words that are slang or are too informal 26

M OST OF THE P APER S HOULD B E W RITTEN IN Y OUR O WN W ORDS If you have too many quotes, paraphrase instead. Remember what author Herman Melville said: "It is better to fail in originality, than to succeed in imitation." Make sure you've used quotation marks when you used someone else's exact words. In-text citations for quotes, paraphrases, and summaries. 27

REVIEW THE STRUCTURE, AUDIENCE, AND PURPOSE Step 1: Review each body paragraph of the essay: Check the structure Check the topic, supporting, and closing sentences for expression Check the evidence Consider the modes used/that could be used Step 2: Review the introduction: Check the two main parts of an introduction Check the three functions of an introduction Step 3: Review the conclusion: Check the two main parts of a conclusion Check the three functions of a conclusion Step 4: Consider your target audience Step 5: Review the purpose

Focus on the ideas and their expression Use a helpful acronym: ARMS: Add? Remove? Move? Substitute? FACT: Fit? Add? Cut? Test? Use invention strategies Review discarded ideas (e.g., the “trash” file) Any other successful strategies? W HAT ARE SOME OTHER TIPS FOR REVISING A PAPER ?

I N ORDER FOR THE READER TO FOLLOW YOUR ESSAY, YOUR IDEAS SHOULD BE CONNECTED BY TRANSITIONAL WORDS AND PHRASES. What are transitions? 30

T RANSITIONS Transitions are words, phrases, or sentences that connect the parts of your paper. Most people do not add transitions naturally, so go back and add them if necessary. What are some examples of transitions? 31

T RANSITIONS Therefore, consequently, moreover, first, next, finally, in conclusion, another point to consider, in addition, for example, etc. An essay is nothing more than a series of related paragraphs, and a paragraph is a series of related sentences. To help this relationship along, good writers use transitional words and phrases in their writings. 32

P OP Q UIZ ! Which is the better paragraph? I have a number of good reasons for not turning in my homework this week. My computer refused to save anything. I pulled the monitor off the desk, hitting and breaking my finger. I cut my hand, and blood started spurting from the wound. I had to go to the hospital for stitches. OR I have a number of good reasons for not turning in my homework this week. First, my computer refused to save anything. While trying to fix the computer, I pulled the monitor off the desk, hitting and breaking my finger. As I picked up the pieces, I cut my hand, and blood started spurting from the wound, so I had to go to the hospital for stitches. 33

T RANSITIONS Transitional words and phrases tie the essay's ideas together and make your writing easier to understand. Without transitions, your writing may sound more like a shopping list than an essay. Each sentence may sound as if it is unrelated to the other sentences in the paragraph. Good writers use transitions! 34

W HAT IS EDITING ? E DIT FOR S PELLING, P UNCTUATION, C APITALIZATION, AND G RAMMAR When you are satisfied that your essay says what you want it to say in the way you want it said, then and only then are you ready to edit. What do you do when you edit? 35

E DIT FOR S PELLING, P UNCTUATION, C APITALIZATION, AND G RAMMAR Use your spell and grammar check, but remember that you must read your work before making changes that the computer suggests. Microsoft Word is often incorrect with regards to grammar Also, the computer will not pick up the fact that you used "send" instead of "sent" since both are spelled correctly 36

E DIT W ORDS Have you chosen the correct word? Do you want accept or except? Their, there, or they're? Than or then? Is your word choice suitable for your subject and audience? Are your words repetitious? Do you use the same words over and over? Do you use trite, over-used expressions, or slang? Are your expressions too informal? 37

E DIT F ORMAT Have you followed the APA format? 12 point font, not bold type. double-spaced the entire paper Eliminate extra lines between paragraphs. Are pages properly numbered with a running header (shortened version of the title)? 38

E DITING F ORMAT Do you have a title page with your name on it? Is your title page in 12 point font and NOT in bold type? Do you have a reference page? Is it double-spaced? Do the references have hanging indents? Are the references in alphabetical order? Are they in APA format? 39

E DIT D ETAILS Are names, dates, and quotes accurate? Are facts and statistics clearly stated? Do the in-text citations match the reference page? 40

W HAT ARE SOME TIPS FOR EDITING A PAPER ? Get away for a while Read it out loud Make your words work! Check the last word in sentences. Are they working? Don’t be boring! Use parallelism Check for punctuation—under use and over use Check for typos and wrong words Avoid lapsing into the informal first or second person in an academic paper. Narrating your internal thought process should also be avoided. Avoid unnecessary jawbreaker words Other tips?

P ROOFREADING VERSUS S PELL C HECK Spell check is a good first pass of your document, but it should not be relied on to catch every error. For example, spell check won’t catch misused words, only misspelled words. The same goes for Noodletools and other writing resources. They are good tools, but you must be the one who knows how to use them.

M ISUSED W ORDS Homophones —words that sound the same but have different spellings Homonyms— words that sound the same and look the same. However, they have different meanings. Since the words sound alike but have different meanings, homophones won’t usually be caught by spell check. I or eye? Its or it’s Defiantly or Definitely?

E XAMPLES Examples of these words are: -affect vs. effect elicit vs. illicit -there, their, they're lead vs. led -too, two, to may be vs. maybe -then vs. than principal vs. principle -loose vs. lose desert vs. dessert

D O YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCES IN THESE PAIRS ? Most stores (except/accept) American Express. The (affect/effect) of the storm was frightening. Carmen is (already/all ready) in class. Marcus is under the (allusion/illusion) that he is famous.

A S Y OU E DIT... Keep in mind that a sentence does not have to be brief to be effective; long sentences can be worthwhile, too. In fact, an essay’s sentence length and structure should vary. Some sentences should be brief and others should be longer. Punctuation and the “sound” of sentences should vary. However, every word should be necessary.

P ARAGRAPH WITH TOO MANY SHORT SENTENCES Autism may be caused by injections. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Booster shots for tetanus, measles, and Diphtheria may contain thermasol. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury. This may put those people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

P ARAGRAPH WITH TOO MANY LONG SENTENCES It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. With millions of dollars of profit at risk, pharmaceutical companies are choosing to include a mercury preservative that gives these injections a longer shelf life. Thermasol, the mercury preservative in question, leaves a residue behind in the system, and in particular the nervous system (Tyson, 2004). Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

P ARAGRAPH WITH A BALANCE It seems impossible to not see the link between injections for children and the rise of autism in our country. Specifically, the injections given to infants are suspect. Because American children receive a host of preventative inoculations such as measles/mumps/rubella, diphtheria/tetanus, chicken pox, and hepatitis, many experts believe the quality and quantity of the injections are problematic in the long term. Thermasol is a preservative made with mercury (Tyson, 2004). Preservatives are added to give the drugs a longer shelf life. Some bodies are not able to process mercury and the nervous system suffers. Interrupting the way the way the brain and nerves grow puts people at risk for developing autism at “a rate of more than 500%, particularly those with a familial tendency toward autism” (Jackson, 2006, p.7).

W HAT QUESTIONS ARE THERE ON APA STYLE AND FORMAT ?

A RE THERE ANY REMAINING QUESTIONS OR TIPS ON REVISING OR EDITING ? ? SheilaClass

Thank you for a great seminar! Have a wonderful week! Sheila