Roles and Relationships Ch. 4 Mackenzie

* Given role- A role you are born into naturally, or have no control over. * Ex. son/daughter, brother/sister, student, co-worker * We don’t choose Chosen role- A role you select to acquire. Ex. Husband/wife, mother/father, friend, employee

* Role models - People you look up to, are influenced by, and learn from. * Get them by observing their habits and ways * Ex. Parents, teachers, celebrities * Role expectations - How you would expect someone to act in a certain role. * Ex. Doctor- knowledgeable, trustworthy, Teacher- educated, helpful * Stereotype- Assumed characteristics of a person in a certain role. * Ex. Jews are cheap, Irish are drunks, Asians are smart, Black people all dance well * Usually negative characteristics

* Role conflict - When different people have different views on how a role should be acquired * Occurs because people learn roles from many different sources * Stereotypes play into your expectations, so when you meet someone who isn’t, it causes you conflict * They also change over time * Ex. Women used to be viewed only as house wives, not working outside home, so older men usually still think that. Younger men know that women are now expected, and usually prefer, to be more.

Terms to Understand Relationships: Bonds formed with other people. Mutuality- when both people contribute to the feelings and actions that support the relationship. Trust- The belief that others will not reject, betray, or hurt you. Self-disclosure- The willingness to tell someone personal things about yourself. Rapport- A feeling of ease and harmony with another person. Empathy- When you have ability to put yourself in another persons position.

The Importance of Relationships Every person needs some sort of relationship in their lives  Family, friends, co-workers etc.  Should satisfy you and the person you have the relationship with Every relationship you have with another person should:  Meet your emotional needs and the other persons needs  Should enhance your life, and lifestyle  Help you accomplish things in your daily life Relationships can be acquaintances (people you know but aren't close with) or Voluntary (YOU choose them) Relationships can be very diverse-  This creates different bonds with different people

Relationship Qualities Remember: NO relationship is ever perfect! What makes a Good Relationship then? Mutuality:  Support each other in the relationship that you have  Shown in many different ways through you body signals and emotions Trust:  You need to trust each other in a good relationship; without this you will not have a sturdy relationship with each other Self-Disclosure:  You need to share things with each other; don’t keep things inside of you  Can help you build a stronger relationship Rapport:  You need to be comfortable with each other  Need to understand each other  Should be able to know how the other one is feeling just by the signals they give off Empathy:  For a little put your shoes in the other person situation and try to understand what they are telling you/feeling  If you are an empathetic person you should know when the other person is sad, mad, upset, or just needs your to keep them company Shared Interests:  Your relationship should have common interests between each other  More interest or at least one same interest can make the relationship stronger

* What makes a relationship last? * Rewards and costs * Rewards: either material/emotional * Time spent together, presents, feelings * Costs: physical/ mental/ emotional. Can be painful if you have to give up something * Time spent apart, money for presents, feelings, not getting to do something else

* Imbalance of Costs and Rewards: * More in involuntary relationships * Making unreasonable demands * How to fix it: * Change your expectations about the relationship * End the relationship * Exploitation: * Using someone unfairly to gain something in return * Changes in Quality: * Lost in needed qualities lead to a unhealthy relationship * How to fix it: * Indicate the problem and talk to the person about it * Walk away

* Communication is key * Solve problems the correct way * Reach out to others, ask for advice from trusted & knowledgeable sources * Watch people who have a strong relationships * Focus on yourself first then build a relationship * Accept and expect what is good – don’t let anyone treat you badly – including YOU!

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