Personal Power 2: Motivation

Pain and Pleasure Ultimately, everything we do in our lives is driven by our fundamental need: The need to avoid pain. The desire to gain pleasure Both are biologically driven and constitute a controlling force in our lives.

Do you buy books but without finishing reading them, or worse, without even opening them? Even if you read them, do you apply the good ideas you learn? How often do you make a wish? Why do you keep making the same wishes? What stops you from getting what you want? Whenever you procrastinate (which means postpone or stop moving forward), it is because you think that taking actions will be more painful than doing nothing.

The pleasure we get (usually in the future) after achieving goals will not be as “real” as the pain we may get immediately (because of failure or rejection) when we start to take actions. We will do far more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure. Pain is the greater motivator in the short term. Avoiding pain is the “built-in” function for survival. Example: Finishing your term paper.

If you know how to control the motivating forces (pain and pleasure), you will NOT go through such a terrible process as finishing a 100-page paper in one night (with the fear of facing the professor if you cannot finish it). Example: Asking for a date. The pleasure of having a great relationship and the pain of rejection. The need to avoid pain is much stronger than the need to gain pleasure. This is the result of thousands of years of evolution.

Can we change what we link pain and what we link pleasure to, in order to change our behavior? Most people do not know about these driving forces, so they only react (reluctantly) to things without any control. If you don’t control what you associate pain and pleasure to, then you will be controlled by pain and pleasure. If you think deep relationship = pain (from your past experience), then when you find yourself developing closer relationship with someone, you may start to sabotage it.

At any moment in time, whatever you focus your attention on is the most real to you. For example, if you see your favorite food in front of you, you will start to eat it if you focus on the pleasure of tasting good food. But you may also be stopped by focusing on the consequences (e.g. getting fat or not having enough money to buy something you really want). By the way, American people do not like being on a diet because they associate a lot of pain with the first 3 letters of diet. (They think they’ll die if they are on a diet. Just kidding.)

Therefore, if you want to change your behavior, you must focus your attention on 1. how not changing your behavior will be more painful than changing it. 2. how changing will bring you measurable and immediate pleasure. You must change what you link pain and pleasure to in order to change your behavior. Use pain and pleasure instead of letting pain and pleasure use you!

If you do not have enough money or the kind of relation you want, somewhere in your subconscious mind you must have linked more pain than pleasure to it! Remember, you have the ability to change your focus and change your behavior by controlling what you link pain and pleasure to. The power to change anything in your life is born the moment you make a real decision (which by definition is something you take immediate action upon).

Homework: 1. List 2 new actions you know you should take now. 2. What is the pain you’ve associated with these actions that has kept you from following through? Write it down. 3. List any pleasures you were able to get from not following through on these actions. 4. For each of these actions, describe in a paragraph what it will cost you if you don’t follow through. What will you lose? What kind of painful results you will have? 5. Now begin to associate pleasure with taking action by asking yourself these questions. What are all the benefits you’ll gain by taking action in each of these areas now? How will it enhance your life (by creating greater happiness, success, freedom, or pride)?