Today’s Agenda… What is Perfectionism? Causes How can we help our children recover from it? Myths and realities Common questions and answers Speak to me Open forum
What is Perfectionism? Perfectionism is the pursuit of excellence taken to the extreme… Hess, 1994
“I am a recovering perfectionist.” R.S. Callard-Szulgit
Who are Perfectionists? They often see many solutions to one problem. Perfectionists are people who are very bright and have succeeded because of their high intelligence and/or talents. They can create and not feel comfortable with a finishing point. Can avoid new experiences due to fear of failure. Have exceedingly high expectations for themselves and others.
Who are the Gifted and Talented? Children and youth with outstanding talent who perform or show the potential for performing at remarkably high levels of accomplishment when compared with others of their age, experience or environment. Ross 1993, 26
from Silverman, Upside Down Brilliance
MYTH: All children are gifted. Common Myths About Gifted REALITY: All children have strengths and positive attributes, but not all children are gifted in the educational sense of the word.
MYTH: Gifted children have fewer problems than others because their intelligence and abilities somehow exempt them from the hassles of daily life. REALITY: Gifted children are often perfectionistic and idealistic. They may equate achievements and grades with self esteem and self worth, which sometimes leads to fear of failure and interferes with achievement.
MYTH: Gifted children are happy, popular and well adjusted. REALITY: Not so! Due to their ability to think about issues well beyond their peers, gifted children often feel isolated and quite lonely.
MYTH: Gifted children don’t need help. They’ll do fine on their own. REALITY: Would you send a star athlete to train for the Olympics without a coach?
Some Common Questions Asked About Gifted Children and Perfectionism Q. Are firstborn children in families more likely to be perfectionists than other siblings? A. Yes.
Q. Is perfectionism always a negative? A. Wanting to do something well is quite different than excellence taken to the extreme! So in this sense, kept under control, perfectionism can have good benefits!
Q. Can parents unknowingly contribute to their child’s perfectionism? A. Many adults who are perfectionists unknowingly contribute to the vicious cycle of perfectionism in their children.
Q. Can I as a parent help my child who is a perfectionist become more relaxed? A. Yes, with stress relieving activities… walk talk breathe quiet time
Q. Is procrastination a common trait among gifted children who are perfectionists? A. Yes!
Q. Why are so many gifted children procrastinators? A. Gifted children can make mountains out of molehills and, because of their incredible ability to think and create, gifted children cannot always see or imagine an end to a task, so why begin?
Q. My nine year old son will lie awake for hours each night, unable to fall asleep. Is there anything that I can do to help him gain a more peaceful night’s sleep. A. Yes; sit by his bed and let him talk, talk, talk.
Speak to Me About Parents Parents are people who shine light on the path of life, even though they cannot walk the whole journey with their children. ~ Carl, age 11 Parents are like the sun, which nourishes the seed. They love and care for their children, watch them grow, and watch them change the world. They guide us through the hard times, the times when we don’t have faith.~ Jessica, age 11
Rosemary Callard-Szulgit, Ed.D 79 Nunda Blvd. Rochester, NY (585) (c) or (585) (h) Other Books Published by Rowman & Littlefield: Parenting and Teaching the Gifted, Second Edition Twice-Exceptional Kids: A Guide For Assisting Students Who Are Both Academically Gifted And Learning Disabled Teaching the Gifted In An Inclusion Classroom: Activities That Work Mind-Bending Math and Science Activities for Gifted Students Grades K-12 Children's Books: Molly Rose Baxter...An Almost Perfect Little Girl ( Oliver K. Brand...A Very Kind and Intelligent Little Boy (