Blended Families (Stepfamilies)

What is a blended family or stepfamily? In a blended or stepfamily, one or both adults: have been married before have been married before have children from previous marriage(s) have children from previous marriage(s) have lost a spouse through divorce or death have lost a spouse through divorce or death

FAMILY IMPACT Today, at least 1/3 of all children in the U.S. are expected to live in a stepfamily before they reach age 18. Today, at least 1/3 of all children in the U.S. are expected to live in a stepfamily before they reach age 18. One of three Americans is now a stepparent, stepchild, stepsibling, or some other member of a stepfamily. One of three Americans is now a stepparent, stepchild, stepsibling, or some other member of a stepfamily.

Children of Divorce One million American children experience divorce every year. One million American children experience divorce every year. 65% of divorced children had no contact with their fathers in the first year after divorce. 65% of divorced children had no contact with their fathers in the first year after divorce. 35% still had no contact after five years. 35% still had no contact after five years.

… Have the deepest feelings of fear, anger, and rejection for any childhood group. … Have the deepest feelings of fear, anger, and rejection for any childhood group. Have significantly higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and juvenile delinquency. Have significantly higher rates of depression, low self-esteem, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and juvenile delinquency. Are three times as likely to receive professional help. Are three times as likely to receive professional help. Divorced children…

Disruptive Behavior Disorders Boys and girls can get swept up in a sudden whirlwind of anger, grief, newfound fears, competition, and detachment disorders. : For Example: Anxiety Disorders Mood & Depressive Disorders Oppositional Defiant Disorder Separation Anxiety Disorders

Impact on Children Suicide rates for teenage males increased 57% from 1966 to The single best predictor of teen suicide was parental divorce and living in a single-parent household. Suicide rates for teenage males increased 57% from 1966 to The single best predictor of teen suicide was parental divorce and living in a single-parent household. Early sexual behavior was more frequent among children living in stepfamilies. Early sexual behavior was more frequent among children living in stepfamilies.

Summary of the Data Summary of the Data Children in blended families - 1. Are at much greater risk of being left behind both scholastically and emotionally than are children from intact families. 2. Experience higher rates of stress, depression, absenteeism, low self- esteem, negative peer influences, and apathy about academic growth.

Blended Families: Handle With Care School Counselors Should: Act as the child’s advocate, ensuring that parents and teachers are understanding of the child’s need for help. Act as the child’s advocate, ensuring that parents and teachers are understanding of the child’s need for help.

Impact on Children at School Children in Blended Families: Drop out of school is twice the rate of children from intact families Drop out of school is twice the rate of children from intact families Are twice as likely to be suspended or expelled from school Are twice as likely to be suspended or expelled from school Consistently show Consistently show  lower test scores  lower grades  more placement remedial classes

“But I Feel Like My Whole World Just Fell Apart!” It’s normal to feel lots of different things, including anger, fear, and sadness. It’s normal to feel lots of different things, including anger, fear, and sadness. There are ways to deal with the feelings you have. But never take your feelings out on another person. There are ways to deal with the feelings you have. But never take your feelings out on another person. Telling someone how you feel can also help. Talking is much better than keeping your feelings to yourself or acting all grouchy and irritable. Telling someone how you feel can also help. Talking is much better than keeping your feelings to yourself or acting all grouchy and irritable.

Getting used to Stepparents You might wonder about rules and whether you really have to listen to your stepparent even though he or she is not your real mom or dad. A stepparent is another adult who’s looking out for you, so it’s best to give him or her the same level of respect you give your own parent, coach, or teacher at school. You might wonder about rules and whether you really have to listen to your stepparent even though he or she is not your real mom or dad. A stepparent is another adult who’s looking out for you, so it’s best to give him or her the same level of respect you give your own parent, coach, or teacher at school.

What if you can’t get along? OK, so you’ve given it some time. You’ve tried to like your stepparent but you just don’t get along! You can’t stop wishing that things were the way they were before. But ask yourself, OK, so you’ve given it some time. You’ve tried to like your stepparent but you just don’t get along! You can’t stop wishing that things were the way they were before. But ask yourself, Is it really her/him you don’t like?

One Big, Happy Family It’s important to understand that when you get along with your stepparent, it does not mean you care less for the parent you may no longer live with most of the time. It’s important to understand that when you get along with your stepparent, it does not mean you care less for the parent you may no longer live with most of the time. The more good you can find in your stepparent and your situation, the closer you’ll become. The more good you can find in your stepparent and your situation, the closer you’ll become.

What should I do if I get angry?  Talk to a friend you can trust  Count to 10  Get or give a hug  Beat up a pillow because the pillow can’t get hurt  Draw a picture of your anger  Play a video game  Sing along with the stereo  Take a bike ride

Collaboration with Teachers and Counselors If you feel stressed by the changes within your family talk to your teacher or your counselor.

When to seek professional help? When a child is consistently having problems, such as anger, sadness, and withdrawal. When a child is consistently having problems, such as anger, sadness, and withdrawal. When symptoms get worse rather than better over time. When symptoms get worse rather than better over time. When there is a sudden or dramatic change. When there is a sudden or dramatic change. If a parent feel they can’t cope. If a parent feel they can’t cope.

Related Web Sites The Greatest Parenting Secret In History - Raising Kids With Life Skills makes both parenting and growing up easier to do - This is a great resource for parents! Life in a Blender is a volunteer organization comprised of a group of dedicated Biological Moms and Step Moms of blended families. The 'Blender Moms' are dedicated to sharing their experiences within their blended family in an effort to enlighten, encourage, and educate fellow members. Kids and Teens at StepMomGroup.com is a complete guide to kids and teens for step moms with articles, tips, tricks and advice.

References Research and Statistics Affecting Blended Families Research and Statistics Affecting Blended Families American Association of Counselors website: 9/19/04) American Association of Counselors website: 9/19/04) Berk, L. E. (2003). Development through the Lifespan, Third Edition. Boston MA Pearson Education Inc. Berk, L. E. (2003). Development through the Lifespan, Third Edition. Boston MA Pearson Education Inc. Bray, J.H. (1999) Developmental Issues in Stepfamilies Hetherington (Ed). Bray, J.H. (1999) Developmental Issues in Stepfamilies Hetherington (Ed). Hetherington, E.M & Clingempeel, W.G. (1992). Coping with Marital Transitions: A family perspective. Hetherington, E.M & Clingempeel, W.G. (1992). Coping with Marital Transitions: A family perspective. Hetherington E.M. (1999). Adolescent siblings in stepfamilies: Family adjustments. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 64 Serial No. 259 Hetherington E.M. (1999). Adolescent siblings in stepfamilies: Family adjustments. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 64 Serial No. 259

Credit given to: Nancy Salgado-Martinez Donna Elizabeth Williams University of North Florida Summer, 2005

And now… …Classroom Activity

If you have a blended or stepfamily you are not alone.

What is a blended family? In a blended or stepfamily, one or both adults: have been ____________before have been ____________before have _________from previous marriage(s) have _________from previous marriage(s) have lost a spouse through __________ or _____________. have lost a spouse through __________ or _____________.

What to do when I get angry?  Talk to a _________ you can trust  __________to 10  ____________a hug  Beat up a ________ because the _______ can’t get hurt  ___________of your anger  Play a _________  _____________with the stereo  Take a _____________

Do you have a better idea of what to do when you are angry? A.______________________ A.______________________ B.______________________ B.______________________ C.______________________ C.______________________ D.______________________ D.______________________

When to seek professional help? When a child is _______________such as _______,_______, and _________. When a child is _______________such as _______,_______, and _________. When _________get worse rather than better over time. When _________get worse rather than better over time. When there is a sudden or ________change. When there is a sudden or ________change. If a parent feel they can’t_____. If a parent feel they can’t_____.