Forgiveness and its Therapeutic Benefits GMM – Chapter 10 HHP – Lesson 14

Forgiveness Forgiveness is God’s will and way for coming to terms with a world in which, despite our best intentions, we are unfair to one another and hurt each other deeply. Forgiveness is God’s will and way for coming to terms with a world in which, despite our best intentions, we are unfair to one another and hurt each other deeply. God began by forgiving us. God began by forgiving us. He invites us to forgive each other. He invites us to forgive each other.

Forgiveness of others has to do with hurts we feel we do not deserve. It goes against our natural instincts It goes against our natural instincts An act of forgiveness requires an act of the will that overrides our feelings and desires. An act of forgiveness requires an act of the will that overrides our feelings and desires.

What happens when someone offends us? It hurts It hurts Often we feel threatened and upset Often we feel threatened and upset Often anger comes which, when not released, can turn into hatred. Often anger comes which, when not released, can turn into hatred. We condemn the offender in our hearts, and justify our own feelings… We condemn the offender in our hearts, and justify our own feelings… –“He did this to me!” We plan revenge We plan revenge

Unforgiveness The unforgiveness brews and turns to resentment, which develops into bitterness and anger The unforgiveness brews and turns to resentment, which develops into bitterness and anger This in turn causes further psychological and even physical suffering and illness This in turn causes further psychological and even physical suffering and illness

We must make a Decision: Does my enjoyment or secondary gain of the resentment and condemnation of the offender outweigh the pain of my bitterness? Does my enjoyment or secondary gain of the resentment and condemnation of the offender outweigh the pain of my bitterness? If I decide it does not, I can then release my condemnation of the offender by forgiving him If I decide it does not, I can then release my condemnation of the offender by forgiving him

Why should we forgive someone that offends us? God requires it God requires it –Matt. 6:12-15; 18:21-35; Mark 11:24-25 –Ephesians 4:32 and Colossians 3:13 Revenge is not a viable option, for it leads to escalating offenses Revenge is not a viable option, for it leads to escalating offenses We are set free from inner wounds that have accumulated because of the offense We are set free from inner wounds that have accumulated because of the offense In other words, it is in our best interest to forgive the offender In other words, it is in our best interest to forgive the offender

A Medical Parable Matthew 18 : 21 – 35 Matthew 18 : 21 – 35 If we refuse to forgive our brother, into what prison does God put us? If we refuse to forgive our brother, into what prison does God put us? When we forgive, we are released and healed When we forgive, we are released and healed We are released and healed of the pain of our bitterness We are released and healed of the pain of our bitterness And of the physical effects of bitterness And of the physical effects of bitterness

We can then re-establish relationships of harmony and respect both vertically and horizontally

AN EXAMPLE A man with anger A man with anger

JESUS AND ANGER JESUS AND ANGER Anger can cause serious physical illness that could become fatal Anger can cause serious physical illness that could become fatal Jesus can heal our anger Jesus can heal our anger This usually requires forgiveness This usually requires forgiveness ALWAYS think about negative feelings – hostility, resentment, anger - when no physical or lab signs are present ALWAYS think about negative feelings – hostility, resentment, anger - when no physical or lab signs are present

What is Forgiveness? Forgiveness is NOT excusing or condoning the wrong Forgiveness is NOT excusing or condoning the wrong Forgiveness is really releasing the perpetrator to the Lord, recognizing He is the only Righteous Judge Forgiveness is really releasing the perpetrator to the Lord, recognizing He is the only Righteous Judge Forgiveness is a proclamation that the one offended is no longer going to be the judge Forgiveness is a proclamation that the one offended is no longer going to be the judge It is important then to ask the Lord to cleanse the heart of the anger, resentment and bitterness that he has held onto, let Him heal the brokenness, and let God’s peace fill his heart It is important then to ask the Lord to cleanse the heart of the anger, resentment and bitterness that he has held onto, let Him heal the brokenness, and let God’s peace fill his heart

What do we do when the offender is unavailable or has not apologized? We must still forgive – “to loose them and us.” We must still forgive – “to loose them and us.” Sometimes, it may mean releasing your heart to the Lord for Him to work this forgiveness out it your heart Sometimes, it may mean releasing your heart to the Lord for Him to work this forgiveness out it your heart Jesus did it from the Cross Jesus did it from the Cross Stephen forgave his executioners Stephen forgave his executioners

How does someone forgive when the perpetrator is not available? Some ideas include: Some ideas include: –Writing a letter to him (and perhaps then burning it) –If he is deceased, talking with him in our imagination –Releasing a helium filled balloon, representing “letting go” of the hurts

How can we help another forgive an offender? Ask the person to describe the offender and the event Ask the person to describe the offender and the event Ask him how he feels about the perpetrator Ask him how he feels about the perpetrator Ask him to rate the level of the hurt, anger or resentment Ask him to rate the level of the hurt, anger or resentment Ask him who is being hurt the most by the anger and resentment Ask him who is being hurt the most by the anger and resentment Ask him if he wants to get rid of those feelings, and forgive the offender Ask him if he wants to get rid of those feelings, and forgive the offender If he does want to, lead him in a simple prayer releasing the offender to God, and declaring to God he is forgiving the offender If he does want to, lead him in a simple prayer releasing the offender to God, and declaring to God he is forgiving the offender

Some other helpful steps may include: Think about the offender, and why he may have hurt you Think about the offender, and why he may have hurt you Try to empathize with him – was he hurting and lashed out in his own pain? Try to empathize with him – was he hurting and lashed out in his own pain? Try to think about what happened and what about it hurt you? Try to think about what happened and what about it hurt you? Make a decision to forgive the offender Make a decision to forgive the offender Once you have done that it is DONE! Once you have done that it is DONE! It doesn’t mean the offended won’t remember the offense, but it does mean that, in remembering, it will not illicit the pain it once did It doesn’t mean the offended won’t remember the offense, but it does mean that, in remembering, it will not illicit the pain it once did

Forgiveness blesses the one forgiving… It also blesses the one forgiven, and opens the door for God to work more effectively in their lives It also blesses the one forgiven, and opens the door for God to work more effectively in their lives

The refusal to forgive another will hinder our relationship with the Lord It also may be a reason our prayers are not being answered Mark 11:24-25 It also may be a reason our prayers are not being answered Mark 11:24-25 It is also decreasing the work done on the Cross It is also decreasing the work done on the Cross