Intimate Relationships and Communication

Developing Intimate Relationships To have successful relationships, a positive self-concept and healthy self-esteem help love and respect othersTo have successful relationships, a positive self-concept and healthy self-esteem help love and respect others Personal identity must be allowed to developPersonal identity must be allowed to develop The following are other factors learned in early childhood that assist with healthy relationships:The following are other factors learned in early childhood that assist with healthy relationships: Gender rolesGender roles Style of attachmentStyle of attachment Formulation of friendshipsFormulation of friendships

General Gender Differences Men are more independent – self-reliant (self value associated with achievement)Men are more independent – self-reliant (self value associated with achievement) Women are more interdependent- relational (self value associated with connectiveness to others)Women are more interdependent- relational (self value associated with connectiveness to others) Men are more goal/bottom line focusedMen are more goal/bottom line focused Women tend to enjoy the processWomen tend to enjoy the process Men are more competitive in the need to prove themselvesMen are more competitive in the need to prove themselves Women are more cooperative and nurturingWomen are more cooperative and nurturing

Gender Differences, con’t. Men are more analyticalMen are more analytical Women are more intuitiveWomen are more intuitive Men use one brain hemisphere at a timeMen use one brain hemisphere at a time Women use both hemispheres simultaneouslyWomen use both hemispheres simultaneously Men are more linear focusedMen are more linear focused Women tend to be better at multi-taskingWomen tend to be better at multi-tasking Men are more action-orientedMen are more action-oriented Women are more verbalWomen are more verbal

Gender Differences, con’t. Men use words for conveying factsMen use words for conveying facts Women use words for expressing emotionWomen use words for expressing emotion Men have a primary need for respectMen have a primary need for respect Women have a primary need for being cherishedWomen have a primary need for being cherished Reference: Gray, John: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

Equality in Relationships Honesty & ResponsibilityHonesty & Responsibility Open CommunicationOpen Communication IntimacyIntimacy Physical AffectionPhysical Affection Fairness & NegotiationFairness & Negotiation Shared ResponsibilityShared Responsibility RespectRespect Trust & SupportTrust & Support

Power & Control in Relationships Minimization & BlameMinimization & Blame IntimidationIntimidation Sexual AbuseSexual Abuse Physical AbusePhysical Abuse ThreatsThreats DominationDomination HumiliationHumiliation PossessivenessPossessiveness

Challenges in Intimate Relationships Honesty and OpennessHonesty and Openness Unequal or Premature CommitmentUnequal or Premature Commitment Unrealistic ExpectationsUnrealistic Expectations Competitiveness Balancing Time Spent Together and/or Apart Jealousy

Strategies for Enhancing Support in Relationships Be aware of the importance of supportBe aware of the importance of support Learn to ask for help from your partnerLearn to ask for help from your partner Help your partner the way you would liked to be helpedHelp your partner the way you would liked to be helped Avoid negativityAvoid negativity Make positive attributions Do things for yourself once in a while Keep relationship problems separate from other support issues

Ending a Relationship Give the relationship a fair chance before dissolvingGive the relationship a fair chance before dissolving Be fair, tactful, honest, and compassionateBe fair, tactful, honest, and compassionate If you are the rejected person, give time to resolve anger and painIf you are the rejected person, give time to resolve anger and pain Recognize the value of the experience in order to move on towards better timesRecognize the value of the experience in order to move on towards better times

Communication Skills Non-verbal forms of communication can be just as important as verbalNon-verbal forms of communication can be just as important as verbal Three keys for good communication in relationships:Three keys for good communication in relationships: Self-disclosureSelf-disclosure ListeningListening FeedbackFeedback

Choosing a Partner Most will consider the following:Most will consider the following: Geographical areaGeographical area Similar ethnic and socioeconomic backgroundSimilar ethnic and socioeconomic background Educational levelEducational level LifestyleLifestyle Physical attractivenessPhysical attractiveness Based upon many common characteristics, the shift goes towards basic values such as:Based upon many common characteristics, the shift goes towards basic values such as: ReligionReligion Political beliefsPolitical beliefs Sexual attitudesSexual attitudes Family/childrenFamily/children

Marriage Marriage 95% of all Americans marry some time in their life 95% of all Americans marry some time in their life Satisfies several basic needs Satisfies several basic needs Today, marriage is more for personal, emotional reasons Today, marriage is more for personal, emotional reasons When people enter marriage with such preconceptions, it may be harder for them to appreciate the benefits that it offers When people enter marriage with such preconceptions, it may be harder for them to appreciate the benefits that it offers

Benefits of Marriage AffectionAffection Personal affirmationPersonal affirmation CompanionshipCompanionship Sexual fulfillmentSexual fulfillment Emotional growthEmotional growth Setting to raise children Providing for the future Economic provision Tax issues

Predictors of a Happy Marriage Partners have a realistic expectation about their relationshipPartners have a realistic expectation about their relationship Each feel good about the personality of the otherEach feel good about the personality of the other They communicate wellThey communicate well They have effective ways of resolving conflictThey have effective ways of resolving conflict They agree on religious/ethical values They have an egalitarian role relationship They have a good balance of individual versus joint interests and leisure activities

Divorce The true statistic is that historically speaking no more than 41% of marriages end in divorce.The true statistic is that historically speaking no more than 41% of marriages end in divorce. Experts suggest the reflections of the following unfulfilled expectations:Experts suggest the reflections of the following unfulfilled expectations: –Belief that marriage will ease the need to deal with own faults –Belief that marriage will change faults in your partner –Belief that romance will continue at the same level throughout marriage –Belief that marriage will provide the avenue to continue your personal power –Belief that your partner will be successful in meeting all your needs

Successful Families This is a family that copes successfully with stress and crisis, which involves the following:This is a family that copes successfully with stress and crisis, which involves the following: CommitmentCommitment AppreciationAppreciation CommunicationCommunication Time togetherTime together Spiritual wellnessSpiritual wellness Coping with stress and crisis in positive waysCoping with stress and crisis in positive ways

Website Resources American Association for Marriage & Family: Association for Marriage & Family: Association for Couples in Marriage EnrichmentAssociation for Couples in Marriage Enrichment Family Education Network: Education Network: Go Ask Alice: Ask Alice: Life Innovations: Innovations:

Parents Without Partners: Without Partners: Student Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection: Counseling Virtual Pamphlet Collection: United States Census Bureau: States Census Bureau: Whole Family Center: Family Center: Yahoo/Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals: _culture/cultures_and_groupsYahoo/Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals: _culture/cultures_and_groups

Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network – hotline and on-line help with important information & links