Helping People Who Are Grieving

The price of love is the pain of separation

Grief comes from loss w The loss of someone very close Husband or wife - from death, divorce, or separation A child or a sibling An intimate friend w “I am no longer a wife, or husband, a father or a sister”

Other loss w Job, income, financial security w House, land, possessions w A failure w Reputation

Deep attachments are broken w Part of us is torn away w A huge hole remains in the heart w A painful wound remains w Feelings of anguish, loneliness, even rejection fill the heart w There may be anger at God

Express sympathy and concern w I am so sorry w You must feel (have felt) terrible w A genuine expression of sympathy helps begin the healing relationship

Listen to the person’s story w Would you like to tell me about it? w If weeping occurs, it is normal. Don’t try to stop it. w Tears glands are our organs of elimination of grief

Ask about the person who is gone w Many want to talk about the departed spouse w What kind of a person was he? w How did you meet? And fall in love? w What were some of the wonderful things you did together? w Listening with interest is therapeutic

Or about the loss sustained w home, business, job w Talking with an interested person can be cathartic

Discover strengths w Do you have a success story from the past? w Have you coped with other losses in the past? w How are you coping with this one now? w What brings comfort to you? w Where can you go to find strength? w How do you see your future?

Support groups w Are you a member of a church? w Or other groups, clubs, support groups w Are these groups of help to you? w Is your family of help to you? w Encourage participation in such groups w Encourage reaching out to others to form new relationships and especially to those who are also grieving

Other activities w What do you do to relax, or to have fun? w What are the things you like to do? w Are there things you can make that stimulate creativity? – cooking, painting, embroidery, carpentry, or others w Hobbies, projects, recreation

Relationship with God w Tell me about your faith w How has God been of help to you? w Do you look forward to reunion with your loved one?

Purpose in loss w To draw us to God whom we can never lose w To point us to our eternal relationships and possessions w To lead us to the living hope of the resurrection w To deepen relationships with others or develop new ones

Purpose in loss (continued) w To help us to help others w “Blessed be God the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves have been comforted by God” II Corinthians 1:3,4

Offer prayer w Pray according to the story you have heard w Thanksgiving for the loved one or the lost situation For the joys of the past For the hope of the future w Ask for the comfort of the conscious presence of the Lord w For strength to continue to live and grow

Loss of a child w This is especially difficult, so hard to understand w Ask about the child w Is there hope for reunion?

Loss from divorce or abandonment w Is there anger, bitterness, resentment? w If so, can forgiveness occur? w Is there hope for reconciliation? w What new directions can life take with God’s help?

Look for signs of danger w Loss of appetite w Loss of weight w Insomnia w Inability to concentrate or to make decisions w These indicate deep depression that needs professional help

Hope w We were saved by hope - Romans 8 : 24 w The living hope of the resurrection w Hope now for new relationships, new perspectives, new things to do w Do not offer empty hope or empty words w But point to realities for which we can hope

Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted Matthew 5 : 4

Come Walk with Me By Kaye Herth Come walk with me As I approach my journeys end Come share my time We’ll laugh and love and play, Come walk with me And Share my fears And don’t be afraid to cry Your honesty will ease my pain And I will gain much strength besides Come walk with me I have so much I want to say Let me share my hopes, my dreams And together we will live each day. Come walk with me There’s much undone to do Take my hand and hold me My work and me- We must go on

Come Walk with Me (cont) Come walk with me Though run I can’t And watch each day unfold And realize how much value there is In the time we hold Come walk with me And when my journey ends I will have gained peace untold And you, I hope A greater joy and capacity for living In the days and time you hold

A most helpful book w A Grace Disguised: How the soul grows through loss w By Gerald L. Sittser w Harper Collins/Zondervan, 1996