Chapter 10 1 INTIMACY

2 What do we mean by intimacy?

WHY IS INTIMACY AN ADOLESCENT ISSUE?  Not necessarily sexual  true intimacy is characterized by openness, honesty, self-disclosure, and trust  Intimacy becomes an adolescent concern because of normative biological, cognitive, and social changes  Intimate relationships first emerge in adolescence

Sullivan’s Developmental progression of needs: need for contact and for tenderness need for adult participation need for peers and peer acceptance  Need for intimacy  Need for sexual contact and intimacy with partner  Need for integration into adult society 4 Theoretical Perspectives

 Need for intimacy precedes development of romantic or sexual relationships  Capacity for intimacy first develops in same-sex relationships  Quality of same-sex friendships is predictive of quality of their later romantic relationships (reverse is not true)  Challenge during adolescence is to make the transition between nonsexual, intimate same- sex friendships to sexual, intimate other-sex friendships of late adolescence Sullivan’s Theory

Erikson’s View of Intimacy  Crisis: Intimacy vs. Isolation  In a truly intimate relationship, two individuals’ identities fuse  Neither person’s identity is lost 6 THEORETICAL PERSPECTIVES ON ADOLESCENT INTIMACY

 Companionship appears before adolescence  Intimacy emerges later  Early adolescence  Self-disclosure and trust emerge as dimensions of friendship 7 CHANGES IN THE NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP

 Conflicts that adolescents have with friends  Older adolescents typically have conflicts over private matters  Younger adolescents typically have conflicts over public disrespect 8 CHANGES IN THE NATURE OF FRIENDSHIP

 Adolescents become more knowledgeable about their friends  Adolescents become more responsive to close friends and less controlling  Friends become more interpersonally sensitive and show more empathy  Friends resolve conflicts more frequently by negotiation or disengagement, not coercion 9 Changes in the Display of Intimacy

SEX DIFFERENCES IN INTIMACY  Girls’ relationships are more intimate than boys’ across many different indicators  Girls disclose more to their friends  Girls are more sensitive and empathic to friends  Girls are more concerned about trust and loyalty 10

Yes, BUT…  carries some liabilities (e.g., co-rumination)  both sexes have equivalent degrees of intimate knowledge about their best friends  when boys are with their friends, they are just as likely to share each other’s emotional state  Sex differences in helpfulness are very small  Boys and girls express intimacy in different ways SEX DIFFERENCES IN INTIMACY

 Boys  conflicts persist for shorter periods of time  typically over issues of power and control  more likely to escalate into physical aggression  usually resolved without any explicit effort  Girls  conflicts persist for longer periods of time  typically about betrayal in the relationship  only resolved when one of the friends apologizes SEX DIFFERENCES IN FRIENDSHIP CONFLICTS

CHANGES IN THE TARGETS OF INTIMACY  Sullivan hypothesized that  intimacy with peers replaces intimacy with parents  Intimacy with peers of the opposite sex replaces intimacy with same-sex friends  Actually new targets of intimacy are added to old ones 13

 Different types of intimate relationships with parents and peers  Parent-adolescent relationships  Imbalance of power, teens receive advice  conflicts usually result with a “winner” and “loser”  Adolescent peer relationships  Mutual, balanced, equal exchanges  conflicts more likely to end in compromise 14 DIFFERENT ROLES OF PARENTS AND PEERS

15 DATING AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

 How old were you?  How did you approach the boy/girl you liked?  Where did you go?  Alone or in a group?  How did it go? Recall your first date…

 High school dating no longer has the function of mate selection  Romantic relationships are very common, in the past 18 months  25% of 12-years-olds reported having one  50% of 15-year-olds  70% of 18-year-olds 17 DATING AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

 Dating serves many purposes, besides developing intimacy  Establishing emotional and behavioral autonomy from parents  Furthering development of gender identity  Learning about oneself as a romantic partner  Establishing/maintaining status and popularity in peer group 18 DATING AND ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS

 Dating can mean a variety of things  group activities involving boys and girls  casual dating in couples  serious involvement in a steady relationship  Transitions into and out of romantic relationships can be difficult for adolescents  breakups are the leading cause of the first major depressive episode PATTERNS OF DATING

(1)Discover an interest in socializing with potential romantic and sexual partners; relationships last a few weeks (between 11 and 13) (2)Move toward more meaningful dyadic relationships; relationships last about 6 months (from about 14 to 16) (3)Begin to think about the long-term survival and growth of romantic relationships; average relationship is over a year (around 17 or 18) 20 3 PHASES OF TEEN ROMANCE

 Early and intensive dating before age 15  Stunting effect on psychosocial development  Late Bloomers  Retarded social development, excessive dependency on parents, feelings of insecurity 21 IMPACT OF DATING ON ADOLESCENT DEVELOPMENT

 During adolescence, friends:  serve as sounding boards for future plans  provide advice on a range of identity-related matters  contribute to adolescents’ self-esteem  Individuals with satisfying close friendships  do better than those without them, in adolescence and in adulthood  Psychologically healthy adolescents are better able  to make and maintain close relationships with others 22 The bottom line…

23 HAVE A GREAT BREAK!