Resolving Conflicts… How to friends By Cara Baldree

You Will Learn… What a conflict is What a conflict is Why it happens Why it happens If anger is bad If anger is bad How to resolve conflict How to resolve conflict Communication Skills Communication Skills How to have healthy relationships with others How to have healthy relationships with others

Why Is This Important? So you can be HAPPY! So you can be HAPPY! So you can have a lot of friends. So you can have a lot of friends. So you can learn to compromise. So you can learn to compromise. So you can have healthy, lasting relationships. So you can have healthy, lasting relationships. So you don’t get into trouble. So you don’t get into trouble.

What Is A Conflict? a fight, battle, or struggle a fight, battle, or struggle a collision between ideas a collision between ideas a disagreement between people a disagreement between people a quarrel a quarrel

Why Does Conflict Happen? There are MANY reasons!!! Some examples are: There are MANY reasons!!! Some examples are: 1. Someone takes something from you that is yours. 2. Someone teases you. 3. A misunderstanding happens. 4. Plans change. 5. Someone was dishonest. 6. Feelings were hurt. 7. Talk to your table about a conflict you remember.

Is Anger Bad? No, no, no….unless it is inappropriately acted out (i.e. angry words or touch, etc.) No, no, no….unless it is inappropriately acted out (i.e. angry words or touch, etc.) It is NORMAL to feel angry. It is NORMAL to feel angry. What makes YOU angry? What makes YOU angry? I feel angry when… I feel angry when…

How Do You Resolve Conflict? Resolve means to fix or find a solution for something. COMMUNICATE!! COMMUNICATE!! Negotiate (bargaining with someone) Negotiate (bargaining with someone) Compromise Compromise Walk Away/ Find help Walk Away/ Find help

Communicate Be assertive (speak up respectfully about your feelings!) DON’T be aggressive! Be assertive (speak up respectfully about your feelings!) DON’T be aggressive! No name calling. No name calling. Take turns talking. Don’t interrupt. Take turns talking. Don’t interrupt. Use “I” messages. What’s this?? Use “I” messages. What’s this?? Examples: Examples: * You never let me play basketball at recess! I feel hurt when you don’t let me play basketball at recess. I feel hurt when you don’t let me play basketball at recess. *Stop teasing me about my weight, or I’ll bust your face! I feel embarrassed when you tease me about my body. I feel embarrassed when you tease me about my body.

Role Play “I” Messages!! The teacher needs to assign each table one conflict to act out in front of the class. (e.g. Someone butts you in the line, or someone left you out from playing.) The teacher needs to assign each table one conflict to act out in front of the class. (e.g. Someone butts you in the line, or someone left you out from playing.) Pick someone from each group to play the bully/bullies. Pick someone from each group to play the bully/bullies. Take turns practicing saying the “I” message. Take turns practicing saying the “I” message. PRACTICE and look the bully in the eye. Use a calm voice, but be firm. PRACTICE and look the bully in the eye. Use a calm voice, but be firm.

Negotiate This is like making a bargain. This is like making a bargain. For this to happen, you must come up with a plan. For this to happen, you must come up with a plan. Example: You borrow a book from the library and put it on your desk. The person next to you grabs it and begins to read it. You try to be assertive and say, “I would like to have my book back. Please get your own book to read,” but the person refuses. Example: You borrow a book from the library and put it on your desk. The person next to you grabs it and begins to read it. You try to be assertive and say, “I would like to have my book back. Please get your own book to read,” but the person refuses. You need a plan!!! Talk about a negotiation with your table. You need a plan!!! Talk about a negotiation with your table.

The Plan Examples you might say to him/ her: Examples you might say to him/ her: I’ll let you read it when I have finished. I’ll let you read it when I have finished. Read it first and then give it back. Read it first and then give it back. * The other person might agree with your plan, ending the negotiation. If they disagree, keep negotiating. Sometimes, the other person comes up with a plan. You can agree or disagree with this. You may be able to go to the next step: compromise.

Compromise This is like giving something up in order to both get at least part of what you wish to have. This is like giving something up in order to both get at least part of what you wish to have. A good compromise will leave both students feeling that the solution was fair, even if they didn’t completely get what they wanted. A good compromise will leave both students feeling that the solution was fair, even if they didn’t completely get what they wanted. Compromise is a part of growing up. Compromise is a part of growing up.

PROBLEM!!! What do you do if a compromise isn’t made?? What do you do if a compromise isn’t made?? Sometimes people won’t compromise. Sometimes people won’t compromise. What now??? What now???

Walk Away/ Find Help Walk away and find something new. Walk away and find something new. Ignore bad behavior from others. Ignore bad behavior from others. Find help if there is a big problem, but it is best to learn to use your words to solve conflicts. Find help if there is a big problem, but it is best to learn to use your words to solve conflicts. ALWAYS SHOW SELF-CONTROL. ALWAYS SHOW SELF-CONTROL.