Calm, Cool and Collected 38th Annual NYSOBBA Conference June 16, 2015

Session Agenda Bonding & Bridging with your Co-workers Stress & On-the-Job Pressure: some stats People Dealing with People: How We Interact & A Framework for Understanding One Another The Drama Triangle/The “Toxic” Triangle: How We Get in the Triangle & How to Stay Out *** GROUP ACTIVITY*** Bonding & Bridging with your Co-workers

High Levels of Stress: A Study Main component of stress – more students and families requesting more of our time, while we deal with lower budgets, fewer people on staff and GREATER oversight A 2013 study from Inceptia (Division of NSLP) “On the Job Pressure” about Stress in our types of offices. Main objectives of the study: Determine the issues that create the most stress Determine how often these issues occur Profile any differences by College Sector Methodology: How MUCH Stress 1(none)/5 (extreme stress) multiplied by how OFTEN 1(never)/ 5 (frequently)

Demographics of Study 513 individuals completed the survey Type of Institution/Percent of the Sample Proprietary 10% Private 4-Year 30% Private 2-Year 2% Public 2-Year 25% Public 40Year 33% Position Type/Percent of the Sample Director 44% Assoc/Asst Dir 22% Office Staff 34%

TOP Stressors

STRESS Categories

Stressors by SECTOR

Stressors by Job Responsibility

NASFAA Survey of Administrative Burdens Two-thirds of respondents indicate Resource Shortages compared to Work Load 90% indicate that shortages impact: Face to Face Counseling Outreach Efforts Attention to Target Populations Other burdens: Increased regulatory burden, Growth in administrative expectations

Understanding WHAT We Deal With Is our Service meeting expectations (of students & families and/or our superiors)? Our services drive overall institution performance, but are we respected? Students need our time but are we staffed appropriately and do the right students come? The evolving landscape makes the role of Bursar’s Offices and Financial Aid Offices ever more important.

Understanding WHO We Deal With What can the field of education teach us? Exploring the work of Ruby Payne, PhD “Understanding a Framework for Poverty” People are different and as a society we need to find different ways to interact with one another Raise awareness of different ‘classes’ of people and their backgrounds, what shapes their thoughts and behavior Poverty, Middle Class, & the Wealthy

How Do People THINK? A person’s THINKING is cognitively framed by: Demands of their Environment Relationships and Knowledge Resources Financial, Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, Physical, Support Systems, Relationships/Role Models Knowledge of Hidden Rules – What are the unspoken cues and habits of a group?

Dealing with CONFRONTATION Our aim is to maintain professionalism *and* to maintain our relationship Why is this difficult? Poor planning, failure to identify the real problem or identify the pertinent issues Failure to communicate timely & appropriately & inability to control impulses

Toxic, Transactional TRIANGLE Work of Ruby Payne & Stephen Karpman

Victim is the major role that sets off the toxic triangle of DRAMA TRIANGLE Roles Victim, Persecutor (Bully), Rescuer Similar to Damsel in Distress, Villain, Hero Victim is the major role that sets off the toxic triangle of DRAMA Victim feels powerless or confused Victim >>> Rescuer, Rescuer feels good  Victim places blame on persecutor >>>rescuer is needed *and* problem is deemed unsolvable 

Stay Away from the TRIANGLE Problems are not solved while in the triangle and shifting roles in the triangle Do not attempt to decipher between those who are truly distressed and those playing games and quick to place blame Attempt to make your victim aware of the triangle by focusing on telling them how YOU can solve problems.

Control it….stay out of the triangle! Avoid the Drama Remember people are different, with varying experiences, operating from different ‘cues.’ Avoid saying, “I’m just trying to help you”; don’t shift roles within the triangle. “There are lots of things that go wrong and I have experience getting to the bottom of the issue. Allow me to go over the cycle with you and then I’d like to gather all the details from you.” Control it….stay out of the triangle!

Try the Empowerment Triangle

Group Work – Let’s Vent! But Keep Cool Work in Teams Share your examples on how you diffused a difficult situation and collectively pick ONE scenario Time to role play, define any roles of the triangle, and aim to use the empowerment roles Vote for best group!

When All Else Fails… Turn to Your Colleagues We need support from a social network Don’t let venting get out of control Difference between BONDING and BRIDGING Bonding is good for GETTING BY. You can end on a negative note. Bridging is good for GETTING AHEAD. Things must end on a positive note. Do more BRIDGING than BONDING

Questions? Christina Cardinale & Lisa Juncaj Student Accounts & Bursar Services Manhattan College Riverdale, New York (718) 862-7363 christina.cardinale@manhattan.edu & lisa.juncaj@manhattan.edu