College Essay Workshop Created by Ms. Rudder Room 307

Essays? WHY???? Algebra I – A- English I – B Computers – B+ Introduction to Christianity – A Theatre – B- Spanish I – C+ Algebra I – B English I – A- Health – A Old Testament – B+ Theatre – B Spanish I – B English II – C Geometry – B Biology – C+ New Testament – A Physical Education – B Spanish II – B World History – C English II – B- Geometry – B+ Biology – B- Church History – B- World History – B Spanish II – B- American History – A American Literature – B- Chemistry – C Algebra II – C Spanish III – C Social Justice – A American History – B+ American Literature – A Chemistry – B- Algebra II – C Spanish III – B Morality – A British Literature – B+ Yearbook – A Average SAT ULTIMATE GOAL: Depth, not range What should a college know about me? What do I like about myself? What do my teachers, parents, and friends like?

The University of California website says… “Your personal statement should be exactly that — personal. This is your opportunity to tell us about yourself — your hopes, ambitions, life experiences, inspirations. We encourage you to take your time on this assignment. Be open. Be reflective. Find your individual voice and express it honestly.”

Basic Directions  Answer the two prompts in a total of 1000 words.  Shortest recommended essay: 250 words  (The other would be 750)

Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. Prompt 1 Open-ended Focused! Key part: Explaining how world shaped you ______ showed me that…. ______ forced me to realize… _______ encouraged me to… ______ taught me… _____ helped me become… _____ made me want to… _____ set an example of… YOU Ultimately, the prompt is about YOU—who you are and what you dream because of or in spite of your world.

Prompt 2 Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? Brainstorming Chart! Focus on you! Shows what you value Shows your character, identity, goals…

Both prompts are about YOU! YOU! You

Key Strategies – Organize! Introduction Conclusion Body Paragraphs Thesis about you that answers “How?”

I gave myself the lowercase pen name “bell hooks” to honor my grandmother and emphasize the importance of text over author. I coined hundreds— some say thousands— of new words. I wrote a 4,391-word “sentence” in my most celebrated novel.

Thesis Statements Weak My father made me the person I am today. Strong By persevering even in the most difficult times, my father showed me the type of man I want to be: strong, hardworking, and patient—even in moments of crisis. Answers “How”: How dad made... How speaker is.

Key Strategies – Show and Tell Show  This is the evidence or concrete detail  Tell short stories or describe situations.  (What makes you interested in things you read?) Tell  This is the interpretation or commentary  What does the story or description tell us about you?  Lessons you learned  Values you hold  Qualities you have

Put on a good show. Weak Show I worked really hard to make the varsity basketball team. Strong Show When I didn’t make the varsity basketball team my junior year, I was determined to prove myself. I remember waking up at five each day to make optional morning practices, fighting both my fatigue and my feelings of discouragement. As we ran laps— the drill I most dreaded—I would constantly push myself to run faster, to pass just the player in front of me and then the next, until one day I finished first.

Good show, strong tell Show When I didn’t make the varsity basketball team my junior year, I was determined to prove myself. I remember waking up at five each day to make optional morning practices, fighting both my fatigue and my feelings of discouragement. As we ran laps—the drill I most dreaded—I would constantly push myself to run faster, to pass just the player in front of me and then the next, until one day I finished first. Tell After I finally made the varsity team, I realized that, with hard work, I could achieve my goals. While I may not initially stand out as the strongest player or the smartest student, I can and will develop my strengths and improve in my areas of weakness by making sacrifices, putting in extra time, keeping a positive attitude amidst setbacks, and setting reasonable short term goals for myself. The lesson I learned from basketball applies to all areas of my life: the best way to face a challenge is with consistent effort and unwavering determination.

Dos and Don’ts

Do  Proofread your essays aloud  Ask a friend, teacher, parent, counselor, or mentor to read and edit your essays.

Don’t  Make your essay sound as if you ate a thesaurus.  The admissions committee wants to get to know a real person, not a polysyllabic robot.

Do  Write a positive, honest essay focused on who you are.

Don’t  Try to write what you think the admissions committee wants to hear.  (It will likely be cliché and boring.)

Do  Establish a clear focus and include examples to support it.

Don’t  Use generalizations to support your thesis.

Do  Write with energetic verbs and vivid details

Don’t  Use passive voice:  “The award was given to me…”   “I received an award”  Show that YOU are the primary actor in your life.

Do  Work toward depth rather than breadth.  Focus on one or two main ideas that you want to convey about yourself.

Don’t  Rehash things that are in other parts of your application.

Do  Make sure that each of your two essays cover two different aspects of your life/character

Don’t  Let this red font or writing task intimidate you. You know about yourself and you know what makes you special.  If you have trouble starting, write an informal journal entry about yourself, or a note to a friend, or have someone interview you. Then work from there.