Behaving so children behave

Leader - follower One leader Rest are followers Leader does Followers have to try and follow the leader as accurately as possible Leaders responsibility that followers are able to follow

What do I do? NO matter what happens be relaxed.

Why am I ….RELAX Everything is Fine/perfect/ok I am prepared We are capable (kids and u)

What is Discipline? Adult Child

You see a Boy hitting a dog The dog was trying to bite the boy's little sister Intention Window Behaviour Window

Understanding Window Every Behaviour has a positive Intention

Similarities Connection Understanding Accepting Solution Questioning Intention Window Behaviour Window Dissimilarity Disconnection Reactive Blaming Problem Lecturing, Preaching

Acceptance Triangle

Window? 1. Child running down supermarket 2. Child cheating in a exam 3. Child teasing others 4. Child throwing down the balcony 5. Child eating another child's tiffin 6. Child telling lies 7. Child not keeping things in place

Nature “Stay” Go with their natural flow

Empower Don’t tell them ‘how’, tell them WHAT

PREPARE Children live up to expectation s

Children who like themselves like to behave themselves State of mind

Where is the star in my apple?

F LEXIBILITY If I’m always doing the same thing; I’m likely to get the same result If I want something different I must do something different, and keep varying my behaviour until I get the result that you want

U nderstanding The child is using the best choice available to her. Understand her to be understood

How will you respond 1. Rahul has put all the paint on the floor 2. Neha keeps pinching others 3. Children from your group are screaming outside another class. 4. Prashant has scribbled all over his desk 5. Tarini is not very careful about her things and today her water bottle is lying on the floor. 6. Two strong boys are physically bullying a relatively smaller boy.

How you want others to respond You often forget to close the tap. Today you forgot to close the tap. What would you like others to do or say ?

Cooperation Strategies

1 Focus on the problem (not the problem creator) Reactive strategy Describe The Problem “Paint is on the floor” Your water bootle is feeling left out” Give Information “There is another class working here; The noise is disturbing them” Say it with a word or Non-Verbal Shhhhh “Bottle” or “paper”

2 Focus on the solution – (not the problem) Pro-active strategy Offer Choices “We can either wait here quietly or go back to our class and play” You want to write on paper or on the board Put it in Writing We ensure NOBODY is physically or emotionally hurt We take CARE of each other.

3 Choices

was Punishment effective? Think of an incident when you have used punishment and why you feel it was justified? Did the punishment serve the purpose? How?

Is Punishment effective? l Punishment can control behaviour, but by itself it will not teach desirable behaviour or even reduce the desire to misbehave l Punishment shifts the focus from the misbehaviour to the punishment itself. Child learns how to avoid punishment next time, or feel bad about himself or hate the punisher. He does not learn how to behave next time.

Punishment - Last resort Belief Too few options Come too soon NO RESORT Then what?

Alternatives to Punishment As long as you believe that the problem is out there it will never get solved

Private Victories Precede public victories Humko man ki shakti dena man vijay karen dusro ki jai se pehla khod ko jai kare If you are MAD Does that give you a right to be rude or hurtful to others? Find Outlets: Stress / Anger / Frustration DEAL WITH IT

Misbehaviour is just a symptom Character State (of mind ) Deficiency Behaviour depends on STATE of MIND Sometimes YOUR state “I want to be a trouble today” Co-Creator Co-Solver Too of Problems

Consequences Natural Consequences Mum is the word

Consequences Logical Consequences Upstate & Prepare Related Follow through (consistency) “Do not use logical Consequences as threats” Shift from TEACH a lesson to LEARN a lesson

Don’t put blocks, Show way 1.Express your Feelings followed by ….. 2.State Expectations Clearly 3.Give Alternatives Stop Start Seek Help Also, Give a chance to amend If all your problems look like nails to you, chances are that all you will use is a hammer

Problem Solving –for the problem not getting solved !!! Let us do it together (create the environment with the three next steps). l STEP 1 - Acknowledge child’s feelings and needs (empathy). l STEP 2 - Express your feelings (no lecture). l STEP 3 - Work together to find alternatives. DO NOT evaluate (Writing makes it ten times more effective).

MORE…………… l STEP 4 - Together decide which idea is acceptable to both. If no idea come then The process of three steps solve the problem. Or will come back later Or try any one idea - even if not acceptable by both. ONLY if you have decided on a specific ACTION PLAN then ………. l STEP 5 - Final action plan. Be specific (time, follow up etc)

When agreements are broken l LEVEL 1 – Invisible action (eg: call the person next to the student) l LEVEL 2 – Handle the problem (eg: admonish the object of distraction) l LEVEL 3 - Remind student responsibility (keep it simple, friendly and eye contact (eg: You are responsible, we can finish faster if you keep your hands to your work) l LEVEL 4 – Safety Jeopardized - keep it private - but be firm

When a problem occurs l Get centered. Take a breath. Anticipate a positive outcome l No confrontation – minimum fanfare - no win - no nailing – get energy off distraction – focus back on learning l State the facts – leave the judgements l Check the intentions – deal with them fast l Don’t gun for a 100% perfect classroom. Gun for a student managed classroom

Children will forget what you said; Children will forget what you did; But they will not forget how you made them feel.