Uncovering The Hidden Relationship Issues That Affect Financial Decision Making Louis M. Barretti, Ph. D

The Field of Financial Psychology Benefits of a collaborative approach The client’s perspective Positive Psychology Martin Seligman

Happiness “A wealthy man is one who earns $100 more a year than his wife’s sister’s husband.” -H.L Mencken Research on Happiness Richard Layard Stanley & Markman The Importance of Expectations

Balancing The Stress Of Life “If I am working so hard, why isn’t it working?” Five potential sources of joy or conflict in relationships. Roommates Lovers Friends Financial partners Parents/children

Constructing a Relationship Balance Sheet Snapshot of the current state of the relationship Finances Communication Problem Solving Work/Career Time Together Household Tasks Intimacy and Sexuality Children and Parenting Your Partner’s Parents and Family Recreation/Relaxation Friends Alcohol and Drugs Religion/Spirituality Values/Goals/Philosophy of Life Trust

The Financial Genogram The past is always present Childhood messages Religion Society and the Media

Life as a Couple “Marriage is an accumulation of shared moments, a series of compromises held together by small acts of love.” “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” -Henny Youngman Teamwork Who’s family of origin will the new system look like? Who makes the money? How much do we need? How will we save or spend it?

Uncovering Hidden Relationship Issues Control and Power Caring Recognition Commitment Integrity Acceptance

Differences in Handling Money Saving--------------Spending Risk Averse-------Risk Tolerant Pensive------------Impulsive Organized---------Generalist Open to change---Values Constancy

The Meaning of Money: Four Primary Money Motivators Freedom Security Power Love

Parenting Moving from a 2 person to a 3 person system The conveyer belt speeds up The Sandwich Generation Aging parents Eldest daughter Parental pensions

Legacy The Launching Family Grandchildren Inheritance

Predictors of Marital Distress Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Criticism Contempt Defensiveness Stonewalling

Developing A Shared Vision Create time and privacy for communication Develop a win-win negotiation style Validate your partner’s point of view Practice active listening Communicate using “I” statements Understand the emotional aspects of your own and your partner’s money personality-their memories, hopes, and fears Encourage curiosity rather than reactivity “Love is the heart’s immortal thought to be known and all forgiven.” Henry Van Dyke

Resources “Authentic Happiness” by Martin Seligman “Happiness” by Richard Layard “The Couple’s Guide to Love and Money” by Jonathan Rich “Genograms in Family Assessment” by McGoldrick & Gerson “Couples and Money” by Victoria Collins “You Paid How Much For That?” By Jenkins, Stanley, Bailey, & Markman “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” by John Gottman