Understanding Love

Learning to Love The desire to love and be loved is natural. You also learn to love as you go through experiences and make observations. Love is a lifelong process that begins at birth and goes through a series of stages.

Stages of Love Stage 1: Self-Love Stage 2: Love of caregiver Stage 3: Love of peers Stage 4: Hero worship Stage 5: Love of opposite gender Stage 6: Mature Love

Associating in Groups During preteen and early years, people associate in same gender peer groups. During puberty, groups expand to include both male and females.

The Field of Eligibles The people we date and eventually marry usually come from a field of eligibles-those whom our culture approves of as potential partners.

The field is defined by two principles: Endogamy-marriage within a a particular group This refers to Nationality, Ethnic Groups, Socioeconomic Status, Religion, etc with which one identifies Endogamy strengthens group structure. Caution: The fear and distrust of outsiders guides us towards endogamy as well. Similar to Homogamy-the tendency to choose a mate who is similar to ourselves. Exogamy-marriage outside a particular group This refers to dating/marrying outside the family and same sex. The violation of these taboos may cause a deep sense of guilt and cause us to conform. Similar to Heterogamy-the tendency to choose a mate who is different from ourselves.

Dating Problems Power/Pressure Physical Abuse Emotional Abuse Date Rape Difficult Break-ups Different Values Unfaithfulness

Infatuation It is an intense, emotional involvement that begins with a sudden, strong attraction based on physical appearance or other obvious traits. First kind of love for most people Feelings are real! … and powerful! Emotionally immersed in each other. Problems, undesirable traits, and shortcomings are overlooked until reality sets in.

Mature Love Real Love Both parties have reached a high level of emotional development, security, and self- love. 3 factors affect a person’s potential for experiencing mature love: »Personality factors »Environmental factors »Compatibility factors May begin with sudden, strong love or may develop slowly over time

Breaking Up Be sure that you want to break up. Acknowledge that your partner will be hurt. Once you end the relationship, do not continue seeing your former partner as “friends” until considerable time has passed. Don’t change your mind.

When Relationships End Realize nearly everyone goes through heartbreak. Do not blame yourself. A relationship that ends paves the way for one that is real. Learn from your losses. The pain and loneliness you feel are natural. You ARE a worthwhile person, whether you are with someone or not.