Chapter 9 Personal Relationships

Three basic characteristics Frequent interaction over a long period of time Many different kinds of activities Strong mutual influence

Interdependence Theory Analyzes the exchange and coordination of outcomes between interdependent partners

Interdependence Theory A reward is anything a person gains from an interaction Particular or universal, symbolic or concrete Basic types of rewards: LoveInformation MoneyGoods StatusServices

Interdependence Theory A cost is any negative consequence that occurs in an interaction or relationship Time Energy Conflict Others’ Disapproval Opportunity Cost

Interdependence Theory Outcome = Rewards – Costs We evaluate outcomes with standards Profitability Comparison level Based on past experience Comparison level of alternatives Based on other currently available relationships

Interdependence Theory In relationships, we need to coordinate outcomes to maximize benefits to both partners Easier to do when partners are similar In case of conflicts of interest, partners must negotiate a settlement Social norms and social roles help provide solutions to some coordination problems

Interdependence Theory People are most content when they perceive their relationships to be fair Rules for Fairness Equality Rule “To Each According to Need” Equity Rule: profits proportional to inputs P’s outcome = O’s outcome P’s contributions O’s contributions

Interdependence Theory Basic Assumptions of Equity theory Individuals try to maximize their outcomes in a relationship. Rewards can be maximized by evolving rules or norms about fairness. Perceived inequity fosters distress. For both the under-benefited and the over-benefited People who perceive inequity will try to restore equity. Either actual or perceived equity may be restored.

Interdependence Theory Research on Equity Theory Concerns with fairness may be highest at the beginning of a relationship, and in a long-term relationship when it encounters stressful changes Equity is less important to happiness than the absolute level of rewards

Interdependence Theory Exchange Relationships People give benefits expecting a return of benefits soon after Strangers & Casual Acquaintances Clark & Mills (1979) Communal Relationships People feel responsible for meeting their partner’s needs Family, Friends, Romantic Partners Including other in self means that benefiting partner benefits self too

Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure is a special type of conversation in which we share intimate information and feelings with another person.

Self-Disclosure Reasons we disclose Social Approval Relationship Development Self-Expression Self-Clarification Social Control

Self-Disclosure Liking Self-Disclosure In general, we most like people whose self- disclosure is reciprocal and gradual. The impact of self-disclosure on liking depends on the nature of the relationship. E.g., an intimate self-disclosure by one’s roommate may be received very differently than an intimate self- disclosure by a random stranger in a lecture hall.

Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure also entails risks: Indifference Rejection Loss of Control Betrayal Because of the risks of self- disclosure, we sometimes conceal our deepest feelings and keep secrets

Self-Disclosure Self-disclosure varies by culture and by gender E.g., Japanese are less self-disclosing than Americans across relationships Women reveal somewhat more than men, particularly in same-sex relationships in the U.S. Men may be more revealing in same-sex relationships in cultures that encourage this

Intimacy Intimacy results not just from self- disclosure, but when self-disclosure evokes a response that makes a person feel understood, validated, and care for.

Gender and Intimacy Men and women do not define intimacy differently. However, men experience less intimacy than women in their same- sex interactions (there are no difference in cross-sex interactions) Cultural norms may explain this.

The Balance of Power Social power = a person’s ability to influence deliberately the behavior, thoughts, or feelings of another. In some relationships, power is balanced, in others, one person has more power than the other.

The Balance of Power Heterosexual couples in the U.S.: Equal power64% Male-dominant 27% Female-dominant 9% Blumstein & Schwartz, 1983 Equal power can mean shared or “separate but equal” decision-making Consensus between partners is generally the key to happiness However, female-dominant relationships are less satisfying

The Balance of Power Three things determine whether a relationship is equal in power: Social Norms and Attitudes Relative Resources Especially if the one with greater resources is a man The Principle of Least Interest The person who is least dependent on the relationship has the most power (Waller, 1938)

Conflict The process that occurs when the actions of one person interfere with the actions of another The potential for conflict increases as interdependence increases

Conflict Three types of problems specific behaviors norms and roles personal dispositions

Conflict Conflict can help or hurt a relationship, depending on how it is resolved. On the one hand, it can lead to defensiveness, withdrawal, even threats and violence. On the other, it can provide opportunity for clarification of agreements, to discover their depth of feeling for each other, and renew efforts to create a satisfying relationship.

Satisfaction & Commitment Satisfaction = an individual’s subjective evaluation of the quality of a relationship. Better when: Rewards > Costs Outcome > C.L. Happy couples spend more time in joint activities, use more humor, engage in more affectionate touching, and in less criticism, hostility, & arguing

Satisfaction & Commitment Commitment = all the forces, positive & negative, that act to keep a person in a relationship. Increased by Satisfaction Values & morals Barriers that make it costly to leave Investments Decreased by C.L. alt (available alternatives)

Satisfaction & Commitment Generally, there is a close relationship between satisfaction & commitment However, sometimes couples stay together despite low satisfaction. Why? Higher investments Lack of alternatives Moral commitments Low feelings of personal control

Satisfaction & Commitment Factors that help in understanding commitment in heterosexual relationships are generally useful in understanding homosexual relationships as well. The major difference is fewer barriers to breaking up for homosexual relationships.

Satisfaction & Commitment Factors that increase commitment: Positive Illusions about Relationships Misremembering the Past Forgoing Tempting Alternative Partners Explaining a Partner’s Behavior in a charitable fashion Willingness to Sacrifice Accommodation & Forgiveness

Satisfaction & Commitment Reactions to Dissatisfaction: Voice Loyalty Neglect Exit Rusbult, 1987