Parenting a College Student Gloria Saito, Ph.D., Psychologist and Clinical Director of Counseling and Psychological Services, UC Berkeley Susan Bell, Ph.D., psychologist and Coordinator of Outreach and Consultation Counseling and Psychological Services UC Berkeley

Letting Go

Can you relate? Jim Borgman's Cartoon Depicts College Students Can you relate? 08/21/06 Jim

Developmental Issues for college students Achieving Sense of competency Achieving Identity Separation/Independence Managing Emotions Achieving Intimacy

Developmental Issues for Parents Competence: Trusting your child’s abilities Identity– redefinition of yourself, role change from caretaker to mentor/advisor/refuge Separation– anxiety for you! Management of emotions: how to deal with your anxiety Intimacy– How to stay close with your child without being overly involved I

Specific issues for freshmen New freedoms and responsibilities New and more demanding academic requirements Changing relationships with peer family and self Challenges to beliefs and values -- adjustment reactions are common and expected--

Common freshman stressors at Berkeley Built in Pressures: size of campus, competition, workload, uncertainty of expectations 1 st generation college students Relationships or lack of Living on one’s own: self-care, attending to academic demands without adult pressure Residential Living: roommate conflicts Disenchantment with college

New challenges: what you might not have experienced in college Diversity: heightened exposure to new beliefs, values, challenges to identity Competition higher Economic and political uncertainties Technology Drugs

Coping Strategies for Parents Recognize the feelings of ambivalence are normal Allow yourself to feel Make overall wellness a goal Find a new creative outlet

Tips for helping your child Do stay in touch Do encourage Do be realistic Do allow space Do be prepared for change Don’t panic Don’t tell them what to do Don’t take over and assume responsibility Don’t insist on frequent visits or phone calls Don’t press your child on what they will do after college

National Trends Increase in number of students who are struggling with serious mental health problems % nationwide agreement -- increase in use of psychiatric medications from 9% (1999) to 24% ( increase in clinical depression – up to 200% Increase in the number of students using counseling services % increase in utilization ( Counseling Center Director Surveys) (Benton et al, 2003)

When should I be concerned about my daughter/son’s mental health? Social withdrawal Marked change in appearance, hygiene Excessive self-criticism Tearful calls home outnumber the others Talk of hopelessness Excessive fatigue or lethargic mood Extreme increases in energy, rapid speech Inability to think and concentrate: dramatic change in grades References to suicide or self-harm

What should I do? Listen Express concerns directly Encourage him or her to seek help Tell your daughter/son about CPS Look for leverage: health, career, academic Normalize the idea of seeking help and let him/her know it is not a sign of weakness

What should I do? Seek professional consultation: call CPS Whenever possible, allow your child to take the next step

Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) The facts: ---3 rd floor, Tang Center (University Health Services) --- Open 8am- 5pm, Mon. – Fri --- Professional Counselors with expertise in college student issues -- Brief individual counseling for personal, academic and career issues --- Group counseling --- Crisis intervention --- Don’t need to have SHIP to use services --- Make appointment by calling or visiting --- Drop-in counseling for urgent concerns 10am – 12 and 1 – 4:30pm

Resources for Parents Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years, Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Tregger Empty Nest: Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College by Andrea Van Steenhouse Your On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years, by Marjorie Savage

More Resources for Parents Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, by Helen E. Johnson, Christine Schelhas-Mille When Kids Go To College: A Parents Guide to Changing Relationships, by Barbara M. Newman & Philip Newman Calparents.berkeley.edu: The parent liaison website for UC Berkeley