Protective Urges: Understanding and Working with the Feelings Underlying Parent-Caregiver Relations Alicia Tuesta Deborah Greenwald

Protective Urges: Working with the Feelings of Parents and Caregiver Agenda 5 MinutesFaculty introductions and introduction to the topic 45 MinutesRecognizing parent’s feelings: Research findings and personal experiences. 25 MinutesRecognizing caregiver’s feelings 15 MinutesThe Four Step Process BREAK 15 MinutesStep Four: Develop an Action Plan 1 HourMarisabel Scenario, Small group work

Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes. Research has shown that parents feel reassured when caregivers exhibit three critical qualities: What Parents Want from Caregivers Source: National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH)

Step 1 Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes. Uncover your own deep feelings, rather than focus on the behavior of others. Be accepting of your feelings.

2 Step Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes. Talk about your feelings with colleagues or your program manager to get more clarity about them.

Step 3 Create a relaxed setting to listen and learn about the parent’s perspective. At this time, don’t try to resolve any issues Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.

Active Listening Reading Body Language Using Door Openers Restating What You Hear Respecting Confidentiality Sensing: Recognizes silent messages speaker is sending – vocal tone, body language, facial expression Attending: Listener indicates attentiveness, receptiveness and acknowledges speaker using eye contact, open body language, affirmative head nods & verbal messages, and appropriate facial expressions. Responding: Listener tries to get feedback on accuracy of speaker's content & feelings, keeps the speaker talking, tries to get more information and makes speaker feel understood. Refrains from evaluating speakers words Places herself in speaker’s position Suspends own thought and feelings Gives full attention to speaker Does not interrupt Tries to get a deeper understanding of the other person Is perceptive to what is not being said Sources: PITC A Guide to Creating Partnerships with Families (2 nd Edition) pg.56 and The Art of Managing People, Phillip L. Hunsaker & Anthony J. Alessandra. Simon & Schuster, Inc I’d be interested in hearing your opinion. Will you share with me? Let me make sure I understand I’ve notice that BE CAREFUL NOT TO SAY: Let me help you... This is the problem... Let me tell you what you need to do Adapted by Carol Aghayan and Betty Blaize © WestEd. The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.

Step 4 Whether your action plan involves just yourself or you need to do more, plan the steps you’ll take toward a resolution: Addressing your own issues Interacting with the parent Finding outside help Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.

Step 4 Addressing Your Own Issues Get Support Handle Your Stress Set Boundaries Interacting with the Parent Reflect on the Relationship Decide on the Content Plan the Interaction Finding Outside Help Contact a resource and referral agency Seek programmatic help Identify specific services Developed by Betty Blaize, Deborah Greenwald, and Alicia Tuesta. © 2010 WestEd, The Program for Infant/Toddler Care. This document may be reproduced for educational purposes.