Divorce in Canada

38% of marriages end in divorce Peaked in 1987 and now stable There are regional differences (highest in Quebec, lowest in Newfoundland/Labrador)

Effects of Divorce on Children

Important Points to Note Experts disagree, so there are no definitive answers, but there are some common threads. Children's self concepts are affected not so much by family structure but as by the quality of familial relationships. Living in a 2 parent family with unresolved tension and alienating conflict can cause greater stress and lower self-esteem, than living 1 parent in a non-conflicting, supportive environment. Wallerstein and Blakelee consider a good mother- child bond to be the most significant factor as most beneficial to children's development, while parental co-operation and competence and the maintenance of ties with the non-custodial parent are also very important.

Effects on Children Children MAY experience the loss of their identity as a member of an intact family, along with the loss of daily interaction with one of their parents. At school, they MAY suffer from the stigma of being from a "broken home", although this is lessening and terms are more sensitive. There MAY be economic challenges (a significant negative impact of divorce) therefore less educational opportunities (music lessons, camps, etc.), perhaps limiting access to things, limiting the ability to get basic their needs met and/or perhaps moving to a lower income area.

Effects on Children (cont'd) During and after divorce children typically feel guilty, depressed and anxious (Kelly, 1980) "If I was only a good kid, then my parents wouldn't fight“ Girls raised without a father MAY begin premarital sexual activity earlier and have more difficulty relating to men (Gerrard & Kinnaird, 1986). Anger plays a significant part in the psychological adjustments of children.

Effects on Children (cont'd) Children of divorce tend to be "underachievers" in educational and occupational pursuits and may have more issues during the teen years. Wallerstein's longitudinal study of 131 children over 10 years, showed that girls seemed far better adjusted than boys in the early post- divorce years.

Effects on Children (cont'd) Young men are PRONE to: Clashes with the law, school officials, teachers Parents report "uncontrollable behaviours" and disciplining has little or no effect Aggressive behaviour tendencies Drop out of school or pronounced failure “Disown" family and turn to friends/gang as family Develop apathy and inability to see hopeful future

Effects of Divorce by Age Age 2-5: Fear of abandonment, sleep disturbances; parents should explain that parent will return Age 5-9: Displaced, grief, school difficulties; parents should discuss fears and keep contact with both parents Age 9-12: May act out, conflict with parents; parents should show patience and love Age 13+: Relationship failure, independence, more likely to be promiscuous; parents should communicate and encourage positive relationships

Top 10 Ways To Protect Your Kids Talk to them about the separation (keep it simple) Be discreet Remain in their lives Deal with anger appropriately Be a good parent Manage your mental health Keep the people your children care about in their lives

Top 10 Ways (Continued) Act like grown-ups (keep conflict away from kids) Be thoughtful about your future love life Pay your child support (Source: Kelly, Joan. (2009) “Dr. Joan Kelly’s Top Ten Ways To Protect Your Kid’s From the Fallout of a High Conflict Break-Up”.