Chapter Six: Developing and Maintaining Relationships  What is Interpersonal Communication?  At least two people who are interdependent.  Allows for mutual opportunities for both speaking and listening.  We must have knowledge of the other person’s personal characteristics, qualities, and behaviors.  Behaviors between both people have consistent patterns and rituals: greetings, terms, actions.  Interpersonal relationships develop over time.  None of our interpersonal relationships are quite the same.  An interesting question is how are social networking sites changing the nature of interpersonal relationships and communication?

The Importance of Interpersonal Relationships  People have THREE Interpersonal Needs:  The Need for Inclusion and being involved with others.  The need for Affection and feelings toward others.  The need for control and ability to influence others and our environment.  Complementary Relationships: relationships in which each person supplies something the other person lacks (an introvert and an extrovert).  Symmetrical Relationships: relationships in which participants mirror each other or are highly similar.

Self-Disclosure  Making intentional revelations about yourself that others would not be likely to know and would consider private and sensitive.  Why is self-disclosure important?  Allows us to develop an understanding of ourselves.  Allows us to develop a more positive attitude about ourselves.  Allows us to develop more meaningful relationships: they grow in depth and meaning.  Can be used inappropriately too.  Too much information, negative information, too much too quickly.

What Factors Affect Appropriate Self-Disclosure?  Disclosure generally increases as relational intimacy increases.  Disclosure needs to be reciprocal: we need to share the same breadth and depth of information.  Disclosure may be avoided for a variety of reasons: self- protection, social context, culture, partner unresponsiveness.  Disclosure varies across cultures.  Disclosure varies by gender.  Females self-disclose more than males.  Males disclose more negative information than do females.  Satisfaction is highest when self-disclosure is moderate.

The Importance of Friendships  Friendships change over time.  The quality of friendships is affected by psychological predispositions: attachment styles, maturity.  Friendship maintenance depends on the intent of the partners.  Friendships are not defined the same way in all cultures.

Stages in Interpersonal Relationships:  Relational Development: the process by which relationships grow.  Initiating: First impressions and finding common ground.  Exploratory: Deciding to get serious; sharing “safe” personal information.  Intensification: involves active participation and mutual concern.  Stable: Mirroring each other’s behavior; shared interests and values; integrate.  Bonding: Exchange personal commitment to each other.  Relational Maintenance: establish strategies for keeping the relationship together, stabilize a level of intimacy.

Stages in Interpersonal Relationships:  Relational Deterioration:  Differentiation: start emphasizing differences rather than similarities.  Circumscribing: decreased interaction and less sharing.  Stagnating: Lack of activity together; things are done out of convenience.  Avoiding: Reluctance to interact, avoidance and perhaps hostility.  Terminating: No longer see themselves as a pair.

Motivations for Initiating Relationships  Proximity: being close to people (work, school) leads to Interpersonal relationships  Attractiveness: the person’s physical attractiveness plus their “social value”.  Responsiveness: we select friends from people who show an interest in us.  Similarity: our friends like or dislike the same things we do.  Complimentary: we sometimes bond with people whose strengths are our weaknesses.  People often maintain their relationships for different reasons that initially beginning them.  People that are most satisfied with their relationships tend to work the hardest to maintain them (they may use the joint “we” rather than “I”).

Motivations for Terminating Relationships  Hurtful messages: can become a problem when they become a pattern.  Deceptive Communication.  Aggressiveness: care about their own needs at the expense of others.  Argumentativeness: always combative.  Defensiveness.

Developing a Unique Relationship  Personal Idioms: unique forms of expression or language only understood by the partners.  Rituals: actions or patterns the couple follow regularly.  Couple-time.  Daily routines and tasks.  Intimacy.  Communication.  Patterns and habits.

Behavioral Flexibility : the ability to alter behavior and adapt new situations.  You can act relaxed with friends but professional at a job interview.  Studies suggest those with stereotypically male and female traits are most successful in their interactions with others.  A flexible person can draw on a repertoire of behaviors, knows social context cues and when self- disclosure is appropriate.