Communicating for Rapport v

Learning Objectives  Understand impact of different communication styles on coaching and facilitation  Learn and know how to use specific communication techniques based on individual styles  Understand active listening and other key components of successful communication

Two Way Communication Communication Exercise

Active Listening Did you know thoughts move 4 times as fast as speech!?  If you are really listening, you should feel tired after your speaker has finished talking  Listening and hearing are different  Understanding is a deeper stage of hearing  Validating/Questioning is the next stage.

How Do I Actively Listen? Role Play: Think of a really important time in your life. Something that you have great pride and a sense of accomplishment about. Come up and tell me the story.  Ask & Participate: What happened?  Discussion: What are the traits of active listening?

Traits of Active Listening What does active listening look like?  Not talking! Obvious, I know….  Watching and listening with whole body  Listening for NON VERBAL communication  Patience  No interruptions  Understanding intent and validating meaning  Calmness  Empathy  Silence

Power of Silence Role Play: Think of a place you have to go after work – it could be an errand, could be a meeting with a friend, something.  Two people are going to act out this scene with one telling them where they are going and what they are going to do after work. This is a dialogue, so questions, relating statements and other discussion can ensue.  RULES: Perform the scene with alternating lines of dialogue. Once your partner has finished speaking, you can speak. But you must count silently to 5 first!

Silence and Active Listening  Too often, we formulate our responses in a conversation BEFORE the other person has finished speaking  Leads to:  Interruptions  Misinterpretation  Misreading of intent  Feeling of lack of alignment  Hurts trust and rapport  Active listening helps to engender:  Buy in and commitment  Engagement with the solution devised

Barriers to Good Communication  Different communication styles  Action – Direct, Impatient, Decisive, Quick, Energetic  Process – Systematic, Logical, Factual, Unemotional  People – Spontaneous, Empathetic, Warm, Subjective, Emotional  Idea – Imaginative, Charismatic, Ego-Centered, Creative, Unrealistic  Identify communication styles – DISC, Communication Assessments  Understand each member’s style

Behavioral Communication Styles  Assessments allow you to customize your approach  Anticipating member reactions and communication needs builds bonds BRIGHT IDEA: Some of the brightest members require more processing time. For those, presenting an idea or solution IN ADVANCE of the coaching session (or board meeting) may enable better discussion.

Adaptive Communications Different learning/engaging styles  Kinesthetic  Auditory  Visual  ASK & PARTICIPATE: What kind of communicators and learners are you? Which words do you use most often?  I see what you are saying.  I hear what you are saying.  I understand, I know what you are saying.

Match & Mirror – Communicate for Rapport  People like each other when they tend to be like each other.  Communicating for rapport has 3 components:  55% is physiology  38% tonality  7% process words  In other words, much of communication is not in the words we say but HOW we say them  Match and mirror communication techniques allow us to enter someone else’s “world”

Matching & Mirroring Guidelines  Mirroring is not mimicry  Mirroring is subtle, respectful  Mirroring creates a deep sense of trust – use it responsibly  Many feel uncomfortable with mirroring  But it is a natural part of the rapport communications  Done respectfully, matching and mirroring creates positive feelings and creates the safe haven your members need from you

How to Match & Mirror  Any observable behavior can be mirrored  Posture  Hand gestures  Vocal qualities  Perception words  Energy levels  Select a behavior or quality you wish to mirror  Energy, vocal cadence are often positive  High energy matches with high energy  Rapid speech with rapid speech  Cross-over matching

Mirroring Exercise Break into pairs – Count off as 1 and 2 Start with Person 1 – tell your partner about your professional background Act naturally – use the gestures you typically would When I call SWITCH, switch from 1 to 2, with 2 doing the talking and 1 mirroring. Alternate every time I call SWITCH. Now FLIP. When I call FLIP, begin intentionally mis- matching your partner’s gestures, cadence, and style

Mirroring Discussion Discussion: Debrief the exercise  Did you start to feel “in sync” with your partner?  How did it feel?  What did you experience when you were mis- matching each other?  How can you apply matching and mirroring in your coaching session?

Unspoken Words  The unspoken word conveys a great deal  Watch for  Eye contact  Tone of voice  Contradictions between body language and words  Ask questions  How…  Tell me more…  Can you elaborate on that…  So, what I’m hearing from you is….

Using Narrative  Real world examples create a greater impression  Use real life stories, things your member can really relate to  Change perspective – Describe what NOT to do  Protect the confidentiality of anyone about whom you are sharing a story  Make sure your member knows you are protecting confidentiality  They want to know you will preserve their confidentiality, too!

Coaching Communication Miscues  In 20 years, our members have identified common mistakes in coaching communication:  Counter attacks  Negative body language  “Yes’ing”  Not being open to member’s ideas  Not allowing for time to process the complexity of challenges  Lack of proper perspective  Combativeness or argumentative  Unreasonable  Disengaging  Overuse of jargon and acronyms  We all have a unique style  Observe and reflect your members’ communication styles to avoid miscues

Avoiding Board Communication Challenges  Share communication styles with the board  Establish board communication rules  Moderate the board to:  Keep members’ comments constructive  Respect varying communication styles  Discussion: What strategies can you use to ensure constructive communication among board members?

Conclusion and Summary  Clear communication is critical  We all have our own style – adaptation is essential  Ask & Participate:  Did you hear anything today that really clicked?  What are your top takeaways from this session?  How will you apply what you’ve learned today in your TAB business?