CONFRONTING CONFLICTS Bringing new ASK towards conflict to your NA/Chapter/Committee

PURPOSE OF BOOK AND TRAINING To create a new ATTITUDE in CISV towards conflicts and provide SKILLS and KNOWLEDGE about how conflicts can be handled constructively.

PURPOSE OF THIS SESSION To give NAs, Chapters, JBers and committees tools and inspiration to incorporate this training into their curriculum. AND… to remind that some of these frameworks can be applied in many of our work teams and decision making processes (such as loaded AIMs…?)

RECOMMENDED OUTLINE FOR TRAINING STEP 1: How do we feel about conflict? (ATTITUDE) STEP 2: Introducing the frameworks (KNOWLEDGE) Building Blocks Ingredients Approaches Escalation STEP 3: Provide more practical tools (SKILLS) Effective Communication Exercises and examples

BUILDING BLOCKS FRAMEWORK AwarenessCommunicationOpenness

INGREDIENTS FRAMEWORK CONFLICT NeedsFeelingsFacts

FACTS o Completely objective. o Should be agreed on by all sides. o Like tofu.

FEELINGS o Subjective facts (“personal lense”) o Can be multiple interpretations; no right or wrong. o Good indicator for unmet needs.

NEEDS o Common needs that motivate individuals: o Be respected. o Be understood/heard. o Be loved. o Be appreciated. o Unmet needs generate feelings

INGREDIENTS FRAMEWORK NeedsFacts Feelings

INGREDIENTS EXERCISE You will receive a set of facts and need to come up with BOTH sides of the story.

APPROACHES FRAMEWORK HitRunStand

THE “HITTER” o Wants to be right and win. o Communicates aggressively and non-effectively. o Wants to confront the other.

THE “RUNNER” o Doesn’t like to confront conflict. o Avoids the conflict. o Doesn’t communicate (with words).

THE “STANDER” o Acknowledges there is a conflict. o Takes ownership of feelings. o Looks for needs of both sides. o Wants to resolve conflict.

APPROACHES EXERCISE Stand up please.

WHERE APPROACH MEETS AWARENESS CONFLICT RUN HIT STAND

COMMUNICATION COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY. How can you use communication to avoid ESCALATION and encourage RESOLUTION.

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION EXERCISE “Last night you really hurt me. You always make me feel like my opinion doesn’t count. I just feel you are very arrogant sometimes and that you don’t value me as an equal. Maybe your mother should have given you more attention…”

A BETTER WAY TO SAY IT… “I felt hurt last night. I really want to share my opinion with you and last night I felt I didn’t have a chance to. You are important to me and I want to feel that you view me as an equal. Perhaps my mother should have given me more attention…”

A BETTER WAY TO SAY IT… “I felt hurt last night. I really want to share my opinion with you and last night I felt I didn’t have a chance to. You are important to me and I want to feel that you view me as an equal. Maybe I’m over sensitive to this but it would really make me happy…”

GUIDELINES FOR MANAGING CONFLICT 1.STAND. 2.Break down the conflict (ingredients, approach). 3.Communicate (Needs). 4.Listen openly and actively. 5.Brainstorm for solutions. 6.Seek a win-win solution. 7.End on a positive note.