Comma pre test ://www2.ivcc.edu/eng1002/practice_comma_quiz.htm

Appositive A word[s] which follow a noun to describe it in another name: My best friend, Lee, caught a tire when he was fishing for bass.                   If the appositive is just additional information (i.e., you could remove it from the sentence without any loss of meaning), then it should be offset from the remainder of the sentence (usually with commas).耀

Restrictive Clause Presents information that restricts or limits the meaning of another word: People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. The phrase “who live in glass houses” restricts the kind of people I am talking about.

Restrictive clauses Identify antecedent noun: The novelist Jane Austen (identifies novelist) The poet Yeats

Non-restrictive clauses Are parenthetic. They don’t limit or define. They add something. The dog, who had one leg, wobbled slowly down the sidewalk. Who, What Where…don’t restrict or limit, they add something

Practice Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet deals with the theme of revenge. (restrictive or non-restrictive?) Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet…. Restrictive because Shakespeare wrote more than one play. Romeo and Juliet needs to be treated as a restrictive clause because it is restricting which play the writer is talking about.

Nominative and Objective case Nominative pronouns: Subject of the sentence (also used for comparision) I, she, he, they, we I saw, she saw, they saw, we saw Objective case: object of sentence Me, her, him, them, us

Objective ( Nominative/Subjective I ran Hit Me She hit Kissed Her He Saw Him They Waved to Them We Showed Us Who To whom (To whom it concerns: it concerns him)

Was Sara or she/her cast in the show? Was Sara or she cast in the show? She was cast in the show. (subjective case

Sara can sing better than I/me Sara can sing better than I (can sing.) I can sing is the subject, or subjective case. Pronoun in a comparison is always in the nominative case if it is ithe subject of the verb.

To whom/who is the letter addressed? The letter is addressed to him (Objective case)

Whom/who Give this work to who/whomever looks idle. _____looks idle He looks idle Give this work to who looks idle (Subjective case) He is the subject of looks idle.

Looking at first draft Looking at opening line: hooking the reader Did you use one of the intros we looked at in class? Creative Action Dialogue Personal introduction (I used to be cool)

Don’t use some of the following 1 Avoid using quotes or questions. Quotes from non-famous people work better. Starting with a question is lazy. 2. Avoid restating the college application question in the first sentence. Not effective as a hook.

Content Is your essay focused on one main event/person/belief? Do you tell a story that explains the how or why of your topic? If not…find one. Make your essay specific and not a list.

Don’t Digress

Reflection Did you explain why this topic is important? -How do you know this event/person/change/belief is important? -What did it/they teach you?

Add more… On back of essay: restate why this is an important story. What else did you learn that you forgot to include in the essay? What were you like before? -How have you been changed? -What action did you or will you take to show college that you were affected by this story/person?

Concrete detail Have you illustrated your examples? Example: My dad helped me move. “Seventeen years later he showed up with a U-Haul rigged to pick-up his outside my apartment in Nebraska.”

Concrete detail “I used to be a pretty deep guy. gives examples how: “I was Gary Snyder seeking enlightenment…

Circle places where you could add detail

For Thursday’s revision: -rework intro -add illustrative detail -think about oganization (beg.mid-end) -look at style and conventions on rubric. Bring in two copies: one for me with your name on it; one to be peer edited with an alias on it.

Wednesday Quiz EOS Collect logs Active Voice

Thursday Today you and I will look at different ways to revise vague statements, repetitive phrases that repeat themselves and unnecessarily wordy sentences. What’s up with this? FIX IT PLEASE!

revisions

REVISION Today we will work on revision of imprecise and wordy sentences.

What’s up with this? I have to admit that theater did not come naturally to me, and I remember that I felt remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first few times I set foot on the stage.The first time I was on stage was in eighth grade when my best friend talked me into auditioning for our school’s performance of Romeo and Juliet.

Theater did not come naturally to me, and I felt remarkably self-conscious and nervous the first few times I set foot on stage in the eighth grade. My best friend had talked me into auditioning for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Vague and Imprecise Language I like lots of things about basketball. For one, the activity allows me to develop abilities that will help me in future endeavors.

Vague and Imprecise Language

"Not only do I find basketball fun, but the sport has helped me develop my leadership and communication skills, as well as my ability to work with a team. As a result, my love of basketball will make me a better business major."

Looking at a second draft Go through rubric and score the essay AS YOU READ: circle wordiness repetition circle “a lots” circle “Things” Circle any unspecific nouns and ask writer to make them specific. abilities (which ones) Talents (which ones?)

When you are done Staple rubric to essay and replace on front desk. Return to your seat and pull out Strunk and White. Review for tomorrow’s quiz Work on grammar log.

Admissions Reader Comments
Reading the essay, I get the sense that Nina is both intellectually curious and committed to scientific and environmental research. Though Nina's essay is well written, what makes it so strong is that it also conveys a personal connection to larger environmental issues. Too often, students write about issues- political, educational, environmental, etc.-in an impersonal and argumentative way. The college essay isn't a thesis; it's meant to be a reflection of who the student is, and Nina's love of the ocean, of travel, and of the environment gives me a glimpse of who she is as an individual.
Dana Messinger, Senior Assistant Director of Admissions