Building Vitality in Our Single Missionaries Midwest Conference on Missionary Care February 25, 2012 Debbie Klaver, MA, LMFT

What does Scripture Say about Singleness and Kingdom Work? Ephesians 4:16 Ephesians 4:16 Romans 12:4-5 Romans 12:4-5 Matthew 19:10-12 Matthew 19:10-12 I Corinthians 7:7,35b I Corinthians 7:7,35b

A Few Good Quotes “In the new covenant, one is fully blessed in union with Christ independent of marriage, family or possession (land)”. (Barry Danylak) “In the new covenant, one is fully blessed in union with Christ independent of marriage, family or possession (land)”. (Barry Danylak) “In the family of God, one’s status is not improved through marriage.” ( Barry Danylak) “In the family of God, one’s status is not improved through marriage.” ( Barry Danylak) If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It’s an example of the balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, I Corinthians 7:1 says that ‘it is good for a man not to marry. So both the married and the single states are ‘good’, neither is in itself better or worse than the other. So whether we are single or married, we need to receive our situation from God as his own special grace-gift to us.” (John Stott) If marriage is good, singleness is also good. It’s an example of the balance of Scripture that, although Genesis 2:18 indicates that it is good to marry, I Corinthians 7:1 says that ‘it is good for a man not to marry. So both the married and the single states are ‘good’, neither is in itself better or worse than the other. So whether we are single or married, we need to receive our situation from God as his own special grace-gift to us.” (John Stott)

A Few More Good Quotes “God created us as social beings. Love is the greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and when he made us in his own image, he gave us the capacity to love and to be loved. So we need each other. Yet marriage and family are not the only antidotes to loneliness.” (John Stott) “God created us as social beings. Love is the greatest thing in the world. For God is love, and when he made us in his own image, he gave us the capacity to love and to be loved. So we need each other. Yet marriage and family are not the only antidotes to loneliness.” (John Stott) “Though Paul did not have his own wife and family, he experienced profound familial intimacy within the spiritual family of God in which he had utterly invested himself.” (Barry Danylak) “Though Paul did not have his own wife and family, he experienced profound familial intimacy within the spiritual family of God in which he had utterly invested himself.” (Barry Danylak)

Single Missionary Panel 1.Introductions 2.What is the best part of being single? 3.What is most difficult about being single? 4.How would you say you go about building intimacy in your setting? (i.e. close, deep personal friends). 5.What contributes most to resilience?

The Blessings of Serving Single More time to develop a close relationship with the Lord and to minister to others (I Cor. 7:32-35) More time to develop a close relationship with the Lord and to minister to others (I Cor. 7:32-35) More opportunities to integrate into local culture and learn the language More opportunities to integrate into local culture and learn the language More freedom to travel, to change work assignments and locations, to pursue other interests More freedom to travel, to change work assignments and locations, to pursue other interests Ability to live with greater spontaneity Ability to live with greater spontaneity

The Challenges of Serving Single Learning to “Go It Alone” Learning to “Go It Alone” Developing Close Friendships Developing Close Friendships Finding Validation and Affirmation Finding Validation and Affirmation Host Culture Host Culture Missionary Subculture Missionary Subculture The Possibility of Never Marrying The Possibility of Never Marrying Developing Healthy Relationships with Those of the Opposite Sex Developing Healthy Relationships with Those of the Opposite Sex Healthy Sexuality Healthy Sexuality Physical Touch Physical Touch

More Challenges to Serving Single Good Living Arrangements Good Living Arrangements Aging Parents Aging Parents Security in Later Life Security in Later Life Learning to Live with Unmet Needs Learning to Live with Unmet Needs

What contributes most to resilience? Close relationship to God and spiritual resources Close relationship to God and spiritual resources Strong, loving relationships Strong, loving relationships Sense of God’s call—knowing I’m exactly where God wants me Sense of God’s call—knowing I’m exactly where God wants me

Member Care for Single Missionaries Pre-field, on-field, post-field Pre-field, on-field, post-field Prevention Services: in selection and clarifying/validating a call Prevention Services: in selection and clarifying/validating a call Development Services: equip with skills needed to deal with cross-cultural life and work, conflict resolution skills Development Services: equip with skills needed to deal with cross-cultural life and work, conflict resolution skills Support Services: praying, visits, counseling, retreats Support Services: praying, visits, counseling, retreats Restoration Services: medical and counseling care Restoration Services: medical and counseling care

How Churches Can Provide Member Care to Single Missionaries Connect the Single Missionary with a few safe and caring people in the congregation who can guard confidentiality Connect the Single Missionary with a few safe and caring people in the congregation who can guard confidentiality The member caregivers can find out the type of stressors that your single missionary is dealing with: cultural, crises, historical, occupational, organizational, physical, psychological, support, spiritual, etc. The member caregivers can find out the type of stressors that your single missionary is dealing with: cultural, crises, historical, occupational, organizational, physical, psychological, support, spiritual, etc. LISTEN!!! WITHOUT GIVING ADVICE. LISTEN!!! WITHOUT GIVING ADVICE. Next, encourage the single missionary to look for resources on the field to help resolve the stress and distress, and also offer to help seek resources and information to share with them Next, encourage the single missionary to look for resources on the field to help resolve the stress and distress, and also offer to help seek resources and information to share with them

More Ways Churches can Provide Member Care for Single Missionaries Ask the single missionary what if anything she or he wants shared with the congregation, mission committee, pastor Ask the single missionary what if anything she or he wants shared with the congregation, mission committee, pastor Help set up and/or provide development, support and restoration services as needed Help set up and/or provide development, support and restoration services as needed When your missionary comes back on home assignment, invite him or her to participate in your family activities, meals, events for families and singles When your missionary comes back on home assignment, invite him or her to participate in your family activities, meals, events for families and singles Don’t judge them, show them grace! Don’t judge them, show them grace! Pray for them regularly Pray for them regularly

Some Good Resources Enhancing Missionary Vitality - Powell & Bowers Enhancing Missionary Vitality - Powell & Bowers Too Valuable to Lose - ed. by William Taylor Too Valuable to Lose - ed. by William Taylor Overcoming Loneliness - David Jeremiah Overcoming Loneliness - David Jeremiah Single Adult Passages: Uncharted Territories - Koons and Anthony Single Adult Passages: Uncharted Territories - Koons and Anthony Redeeming Singleness – Barry Danylak (2010) Redeeming Singleness – Barry Danylak (2010) John Stott on Singleness, Christianity Today, John Stott & Al Hsu John Stott on Singleness, Christianity Today, John Stott & Al Hsu