The art of getting what you want out of life Communication The art of getting what you want out of life

Food for thought… Why do babies cry? They’re hungry or tired They need a diaper change It’s their way of communicating ~Communications develops with age

What is Communication? It’s the process of creating or sending messages and evaluating or receiving messages from others Good communication = good corner stone to every relationship

Top 10 Tips for communication

4 Basic Elements of Communication They are: Communication Channels Participants Timing Use of Space

Communication Channels It is the way in which a message is passed or received Example: Verbal Communication Verbal Communication: spoken words Nonverbal Communication: communication without words but includes facial expressions and body language

Participants PEOPLE – You can’t talk to yourself (well, you can but you look CRAZY!) Affects the quality of communication Provides balance in conversation “Give-and-take” - one participant must “give” or contribute, and the other must “take” or act on the opportunity to communicate

Timing It is when the sender or receiver focus on the exchange The right time to send affects how it is received Example: If Jen is trying to talk to her mother about going to a party Saturday night, and she desperately wants a “yes.” She has to make sure she asks at the exact right moment. See below for example of timing When her mom just came home from work/half asleep = BAD! When her mom is relaxed and listening = GOOD!

Use of Space It is how the use of personal space can affect communication Personal topics and subjects require closer spacing in order to create an area of comfort By maintaining your distance, (Personal space = 2-3 feet from someone) you establish a comfort level If you invade someone’s personal space, they will be less inclined to communicate Makes them feel awkward or sometimes angry

The ability to listen actively can improve your relationships with Listening Skills Passive listening is hearing what a person has to say and responding but not asking for more from the speaker, just letting them “vent” Responses = huh, really, ok, no kidding, uh huh… (SIMPLE, but still listening) Active listening is a communication technique and has the listener more engaged with the speaker, asking for more to really understand what they hear. Responses = I didn’t know that; Then what happened; When that happened, how did you handle it; I remember when that happened to me I …, What do you want to do about that? The ability to listen actively can improve your relationships with others and can also reduce conflicts.

Speaking Skills An I-message is an assertion about some ones feelings, beliefs, and or values. Put more focus/blame on the speaker and are not threatening “I worry when you come home late because I think something bad has happened.” A you-message is a message when a speaker denies responsibility for a situation by putting the blame on another person. This is threatening to the other person, makes them uncomfortable, and can cause anger. “You’re always late and so irresponsible.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96HHepwQpmA&feature=youtu.be

Speaking Skills Continued When someone is assertive, they show a confident and forceful personality. They take responsibilities for their own actions and are very confident about themselves. If a message was understood, the speaker will provide feedback to let the other person know that they are on the same page. It can either be positive or negative. Negative would be not responding to them because you didn’t understand what they said, or just not making eye contact. Positive is showing that you are listening and understand them fully.

Problems in Communication Difficult Subjects: - death, illness, sexuality, anything uncomfortable Silence – not talking is not going to solve anything, however, not all silence is bad The problems listed below are on the following slides and are not as simple so read carefully Interference Mixed Messages Different Definitions Thinking You Already Know (AKA mind reading) JUST LISTEN

Interference Noises/items that cause distractions TV Loud Music Dripping faucet

Mixed Messages Different messages are sent over different channels at the same time Nonverbal message reflects true feelings of speaker What you say doesn’t match what you do – ask about day, do work/watch TV/text while “listening”

Different Definitions Some communication problems occur because of different cultural/generational backgrounds two people have different meanings for the same word(s)/phrase(s) – clean your room

Thinking You Already Know… Assuming often leads to wrong conclusions Mind reading can be another way to dominate another person or conversation

Written communications Written communication = the ability to write effectively in both work and personal life. Choose clear, precise words, try to avoid mixed messages. Writing messages gives you time to chose your words wisely. Writing in a journal will give you a chance to see another person’s point of view. SPELL CHECK and EDIT before sending/sharing

Can you Answer the following questions… Review of Chapter 6 Can you Answer the following questions…

Answer the following questions in your notes – be prepared to share your answers Why is communication so important to relationships? How is it different in different relationships? Why is timing so critical when you talk to someone? Give an example. What is an appropriate distance from someone when talking with them? How does that distance change with the topic you are discussing? When and why might verbal/face-to-face communication be better than nonverbal communication such as texting/email?

Answer the following questions in your notes – be prepared to share your answers Why is listening SUCH an important part of communication? How are I-messages and You-messages different? Which is more effective? How does quality feedback enhance a conversation? What is the difference between Active and Passive listening? Give an example of each.

Don’t forget: You can copy-paste this slide into other presentations, and move or resize the poll. http://www.polleverywhere.com/multiple_choice_polls/gTurCUnMLBZpP9h If you like, you can use this slide as a template for your own voting slides. You might use a slide like this if you feel your audience would benefit from the picture showing a text message on a phone.

Be prepared to defend your texted answer