Peace Within Us By Poran Poregbal Self Understanding Self definition Self concept Self criticism Self acknowledgment Ask how am I? What is the purpose of my life? What is the meaning of my life? How can I know myself better?

Life Wants! What do I want from this life and the life ahead of me? What do I wish to happen? How much can I contribute to this wish-list? How much do I feel being unable?

Life challenges What do I wish to be instead of the person I am now? How does my family look at me? What role do I have in my family? -complainer, challenger, leader, follower, administrator, lover, loser, mom, dad, grand parent, a good listener, a nice person…..

Our emotional life Are we too emotional? Are we too cold? Do we talk a lot? Do we act too fast? Do we listen to the other? Do we love ourselves and others?

Emotional bank Debit card for love How much do we have left? How much do we save? How much do we spend? Did we have any account from beginning?

Emotional bank How much do we deposit everyday? How much do we withdraw from that bank? Is there any balance? Are we aware of that? How do we know?

Gender roles Boys are being taught to be strong, uncommunicative, competitive, and in control Girls are being raised to be compliant, other oriented, confirmative, and under control

Peace keeping and gender roles Men in war positions Women in care positions How much peace do we care to have?

beliefs What is our belief about children, women, men, society, a just society, a peaceful society? How much do we care to think about ways in which we may not follow our own beliefs?

Do we know ourselves? What do we know about ourselves that others do know? What do we know about ourselves that others do not know? What might be the things that we do not know about ourselves, but others would know? What are the things that we do not know about ourselves and no one else does that either?

Ways of knowing ourselves Writing about our life story Painting or drawing our life story Reading poetry Talking to someone who is objective and not advising Being honest about ourselves and see what we can do to improve our life styles?

Getting in peace with children Ask them what they want…. Tell them you love them Tell them you need time to think Tell them you can together find a solution for a problem Know your weakness!

Healthy self esteem Identity Security Belonging Purpose competence

Intimacy and love Trust Independence commitment communication Mutual assistance respect

Peaceful divorce In case of divorce do not try to ruin the rest of life for the other Think about children who hurts a lot Tell children that it is not their fault Children internalize divorce Keep children out of this context

Open up your hearth It is important to realize that once we are in pain (emotionally mostly) we need help! Our family members can only listen, however, giving advise about what to do and not to do is the most horrible thing that we can do! Do not give advise!

Questions to be asked Good questions to ask ourselves: What is a partner (wife/husband) relationship? How our relationship working / not working does and what does it mean to us? How much do we love/praise/encourage/ like/dislike/hate/resent/tolerate our partners? How much respect do we really have for our partners? How much choice do I have in this relationship? How my behaviours, thoughts, expression, and emotions impact this relationship?

Questions, continue How much do I enjoy this relationship? How do I wish to be seen by my partner? How do I see my partner? What kind of daily life do we have together? How much efforts do each one of us put into this relationship? How much our bigger families (parents, siblings, relatives) impact the quality/shape of our relationships? How much do we let others (parents, siblings, relatives) intervene in our relationships?

Questions, continue How much migration issues, adjustment problems, and separation from our home land have impacted our relationship with our partner? What kind of culture our partners have? What is our self-understanding of our own culture and how it shaped us? How much do we fight/argue/disagree/or agree? How much do we respect the individual needs of the other? What is that bothering us when we argue or fight?

Questions, continue Do we use any violence in dealing with our partner? How? How do we keep the peace inside our homes? How do we deal with the relationship problems that happen in every home? How much do we care about the needs of our partners? Are we self-interest or relationship oriented? What do we need of this relationship?