Gender-Healthy Kids Gender-Healthy Kids Sue Bohlin Probe Ministries

Gender Matters! Supporting our kids’ gender results in a healthy self-concept Gender differences between boys and girls are designed by God Gender Spectrum

Celebrate Gender Differences Boys get their sense of self from achievement. They are wired to be self- reliant. (Greatest fear: failure) Girls get their sense of self from relationships. They are wired to be interdependent. (Greatest fear: abandonment)

Celebrate Gender Differences Boys are linear in their thinking; girls are more intuitive. Boys can focus on one thing at a time; girls are multi-taskers and enjoy the process.

Celebrate Gender Differences Boys tend to be competitive; girls tend to be cooperative. Boys are action-oriented; girls are more verbal. Boys’ hostility is physical; girls’ is verbal.

Celebrate Gender Differences Boys bond shoulder to shoulder Girls bond face to face Girls tend to be empathetic nurturers. Boys tend to be aggressive nurturers.

Affirm Children’s Gender Affirm boys in their masculinity and girls in their femininity Reassure the primary questions of their hearts: –“Do I have what it takes?” –“Am I beautiful?”

Affirm Children’s Gender You can be a good strong male without playing sports. You can be a soft, feminine lady and be an athlete or strong leader. Sensitive, creative types make great husbands, pastors, counselors. Support the social distinctions of masculinity and femininity Specify what men/women and boys/girls do that is different.

How Are We Different? Mommies have babies, daddies take care of mommies and babies. Girls cover up their chests, boys don’t have to. Girls use the girls’ restroom, boys use the boys’ restroom. Girls can wear a dress or skirt; boys wear pants. Men can have beards and shave; ladies don’t.

How Are We Different? Girls wear make-up; boys don’t. Girls wear high heels; boys don’t. Girls sit down to use the toilet; boys can stand up or sit down. Girls can carry a purse; boys put things in their pockets. Boys open doors for other people; girls say “thank you.” In relationships, boys are the initiators; girls are the responders.

Celebrating Gender Differences in School Male brains and female brains 3 parts 1. Brain stem: instinct, fight/flight 2. Limbic system: experience emotions 3. Upper brain (4 lobes): thinking

Girls’ Brains LEFT BRAIN: verbal skills (speaking, reading writing) Mature earlier than boys’ brains Corpus callosum up to 20% larger than boys’ brains: more cross-talk between hemispheres Better at impulse control than boys

Boys’ Brains RIGHT BRAIN: spatial skills (measuring, direction, objects in space) Mature later than girls’ brains; later speech and reading development Fewer neural connections between hemispheres: brain activity focused in one area at a time More developed in right hemisphere: better spatial abilities: measuring, mechanical things/design, geography, maps

Social differences Girls: bond first, ask questions later Boys: be aggressive first, ask questions later Girls: manage social bonds by alliances Boys: manage social energy by dominance and pecking order

On the Playground Boys: physical, rough and vigorous, competitive, aggressive Girls: quieter and less active, more cooperative Boys: ignore newcomers till they prove their worth and value Girls: greet newcomers more warmly

Movement Boys: Movement enhances learning Movement manages and relieves impulsive behavior Lower serotonin + higher metabolism = natural fidgeters Boys use more space than girls for play and learning Give boys things to do and quiet toys to play with while listening and learning

Honoring Boys Let them move around Give them something to manipulate Give them time to think and to process strong emotions (30-second wait time) Let them engage in aggression play and expression Encourage them to open up by not demanding that they look at you. Warn them a few minutes before a transition.