African American Faith Based Bereavement Initiative

Module 3 Holding Up the mirror—for clergy

Module 3 AAFBBI Curriculum ©2011 NCCC Our Personal Struggle with Infant and Pregnancy Loss Family members report that they feel their losses are invisible in their churches For some clergy downplayed their losses Loss of an infant or pregnancy is painful and upsetting to all of us Does our pain or fear of it keep us from supporting families?

Module 3 AAFBBI Curriculum ©2011 NCCC A reflection The Rev. Dr. Ronald David (Department of Pastoral Care, the Hospital of the Good Samaritan, Los Angeles, California) provided the following eloquent words to help with that inward look. The Rev. Dr. David is a Fellow in the American Academy of Pediatrics, board certified in neonatal- perinatal medicine, ordained as a priest in the Episcopal Church USA, and a supervisor in clinical pastoral education in the College of Pastoral Supervision and Psychotherapy.

Module 3 AAFBBI Curriculum ©2011 NCCC Questions for reflection 1. Thinking back, what have your reactions been to the news about a pregnancy or infant loss? 2. How do you encourage families to share such news within your congregation? 3. Has your own family experienced such a loss? How does that affect your reactions to hearing this news from others?

Module 3 AAFBBI Curriculum ©2011 NCCC Questions for reflection 4. What are ways that you can keep yourself from putting up the three obstacles to sitting shiva: a. running from the pain b. trying to explain the unexplainable c. blaming (the parents, the medical system, etc.) 5. What supports and self-care do you need and use to help you do this painful and difficult work?

Module 3 AAFBBI Curriculum ©2011 NCCC A Family Voice Mother who lost her baby talks about her experience in her church.