Gender Review The Way We Talk

The Power of Language Language is our means of ordering, classifying and manipulating the world Through language we become members of our human community

Sapir Whorf Language controls what we can think about It affects how you think--shaping our reality

Language allows us to verbally communicate what we think and feel It doesn’t have to control us, but we must realize its significance in our gender communication

1970’s Scholars started studying “speech communities” These exist when a group of people share a set of norms regarding communication practices Communication culture exists when people share and understand goals of communication strategies for enacting those goals and ways of interpreting communication

This is easy to see when studying a different language It is harder to see when it is our language, but a different speech community Speech communities in Pecs?

Different Speech Communites Some scholars say men and women live in two different worlds This is evident in the different forms of communication they use

How we are socialized Lessons of childplay We learn our gender through our socialization process--partly through play Researchers are struck by two observations Young children almost always play in sex segregated groups Girls and boys tend to play different games

Boys Games Large groups Competitive Clear goals Organize by rules and roles that specify who does what and how to play An individual’s status depends on standing out, being better, and often dominating other players

Boys Learn 3 Communication Rules Use communication to assert yourself and your ideas; use talk to achieve something Use communication to attract and maintain an audience Use communication to compete with others for the “talk stage”

Emphasis is on achievement, competition and individuality Boys learn that they must do things to be valued members of the team Personal relationships are not likely to form in large groups Competition necessitates that you not show vulnerability

Girl’s Games Small groups or pairs, no present, clear-cut goals, rules and roles No analogy for the touchdown Not structured externally So girls have to talk among themselves to decide what they’re doing and what roles they have. This is more process than product Have to cooperate and work things out through talking

Three Communication Rules Use collaborative, cooperative talk to create and main relationships--the process is the heart of the relationships “Avoid criticizing, outdoing, or putting others down; if criticism is necessary make it gentle Pay attention to others and to relationships; interpret and respond to feelings sensitively

In a study of 9-14 year old African Americans it was found that: Boys give orders Boys issues commands, used talk to compete and worked to establish status hierarchies Girls make requests Girls learn that communication itself is the goal

Boys learn they have to do something to be valuable Girls learn they have to be something (good people, cooperative, inclusive, sensitive)

Women Use Communication To... Establish and maintain relationships with others Use language to share themselves and learn about others Talk is the essence of the relationship

To achieve symmetry, equality, women often match experiences (you are not alone in how you feel) Respond to and build on each others ideas in the process of conversing More interactive patterns with voices weave together to create conversations

Also important is showing support Expressions of empathy and understanding “you must feel terrible” Focus on feelings rather than content

Also important is maintenance work. Efforts to sustain conversation by inviting others to speak and by prompting them to elaborate “how was your trip?” “tell me about your day?”

Woman speak personally use a concrete style--details, stories, clarifications, additions

Women use responsiveness Affirm others Lets them know you are listening

Tentativeness Women use things like verbal hedges “I kind of feel that maybe you are overreacting” Tag questions “That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it?”

Lakoff indicated in the 70’s that this reflects women’s socialization into subordinate roles and low self esteem This has since been reinterpreted and suggested that her interpretation implies that women’s speech is inferior and based on using male speech patterns as the standard Now we see women’s speech as a desire to keep conversation open and to include others

Men’s Speech Men exert control, preserve independence and enhance status Conversation is an area for proving oneself and negotiating prestige

Two Tendencies Men often use talk to establish and defend their personal status and ideas by asserting themselves and challenging others When they show support they do it by respecting the other’s independence and avoiding communication they regard as condescending

Features Speak to exhibit knowledge, skill or ability To avoid disclosing personal information that might make a man appear weal Focus on instrumental activity (here’s what you should do)

To women this sometimes appears condescending and unfeeling

Instrumentality Men are socialized to do things, to achieve goals, get information, discover facts, suggest solutions--sometimes to women it seems as if men don’t care about their feelings

Conversational Dominance Men really do dominate conversations They reroute conversations by challenging other speakers, wresting the talk stage, interrupt (men interrupt to gain control, women interrupt to ask questions, show interest

Men express themselves in fairly absolute assertive ways--more forceful, direct, and authoritative--less tentative speech

Men communication impersonally--in general terms that are removed from personal experience and personal feelings Not highly responsive--give more “minimal response cues” verbalizations such as “yeah” or “umhmmmm” perceived as indicated a lack of involvement, lacking expressed empathy

Misinterpretations What happens when men and women talk, each operating out of a distinctive speech community--patterns, recurrent misreadings between men and women?