Pathfinder Principles & Consequences Created by James J. Messina, Ph.D.

Pathfinder P Principles A Activating T Tracking H Hugging F Formulating I Intervening N Negotiating D Discussing E Establishing R Releasing

Parenting Principles A T H F I N D E R

Pathfinders Foundational Principle TEA System Based Principles Thoughts - must get rational Emotions - must feel more rational Actions - take Actions only after Thoughts and Emotions are rational and in synch

Personal Oriented Principles 1. Promote your health 2. Let go of fantasy children 3. Avoid being over-protective 4. Curb your temper 5. Avoid cloning yourself

Personal Oriented Principles 6. Let go of guilt over past parenting errors 7. Forgive yourself for past parenting errors 8. Avoid over-compensating 9. Use detachment 10. Admit your mistakes

Family Oriented Principles 1. Promote the health of your marriage 2. Balance career and family 3. Avoid triangulation 4. Seek win-win solutions 5. Be the leader of the family

Family Oriented Principles 6. Establish healthy boundaries 7. Encourage respect for others 8. Eliminate family secrets 9. Seek out professional help 10. Advocate for children

Child Oriented Principles 1. Encourage uniqueness and individuality 2. Encourage children's sense of autonomy 3. Avoid entitlement 4. Empathize with children's hard knocks 5. Teach feelings are choices

Child Oriented Principles 6. Give children freedom of choice 7. Love unconditionally 8. Adapt for special needs children 9. Avoid perfectionistic parenting 10. Be authentic

Developmental Principles 1. Have fun with children 2. Stimulate creativity 3. Let children be children 4. Encourage healthy sexuality 5. Avoid sexual stereotyping

Developmental Principles 6. Stimulate leadership potential in children 7. Live a healthy lifestyle 8. Promote spirituality 9. Encourage a world-view 10. Encourage career mindedness

Behavioral Principles 1. Describe behaviors not children as non-acceptable 2. Catch the good in children 3. Ignore the negative 4. Listen to behaviors 5. Communicate with children

Behavioral Principles 6. Avoid cornering children in lies 7. Use natural and logical consequences 8. Be consistent 9. Follow through 10. Be assertive with children

P A Tracking Structures H Formulating Consequences I N D E R

Rules for Use of consequences Never use guilt Never use consequences as intimidation Never use as tools of manipulation Never use as "get backs" to make children sorry Never use as punishment for doing bad

Rules for Use of consequences Never make logical too different from natural consequence Never use a logical when natural consequence exists & safe Never use if health and safety at risk Never use a natural consequence when it would take too much time

Rules for Use of consequences Never promise to use consequences and then revert to an older form of discipline Be consistent in your use of natural and logical consequences Spell out & record consequences so children fully understand Warn children in advance of what consequences will be

Rules for Use of consequences Be positive do not revert to old form of temper or angry outbursts Explain fully the consequences in detail Make an immediate response Remind children that they are free to choose their own behaviors

Rules for Use of consequences Remind children they are responsible for their own behaviors and blame others for their choices Remind that the goal is to assist accept responsibility for own lives Let others know you practice the model of natural and logical consequences