A Lifelong Approach To Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character

The Preparatory Years – Pre-Puberty

 Andre and Carol were horrified by what their four- year-old, Tricia, was telling them. She was in tears as she reported that Lisa, the rude and spoiled five- year-old down the street, had been playing house with her in the playhouse in Lisa’s yard. Lisa had forced Tricia to pull down her pants and panties “or she said she wouldn’t let me go home, Mommy!” Lisa had then rubbed Tricia’s labia “really hard” and, as best the parents could gather, had tried to force her finger into Tricia’s vagina but had stopped when Tricia burst out crying, saying that it hurt. Lisa had let her go only after forcing her to promise not to tell her parents. Tricia probably would not have told, either, but she hadn’t been able to control her fear that night when she went to bed, and her terror and hurt welled up, leading her parents to get her to tell the secret even though she was afraid.  What would you do? What steps should this couple take?

 Primary Goal of Christian Parenting  to equip and empower our children to enter adulthood capable of living godly, wholesome, and fulfilled lives as Christian men and women, Christian wives and husbands.

 to prepare them to become the kinds of adults who can have deep and meaningful marriages filled with spiritual, sexual, and emotional intimacy, and who can have loving and deep family relationships and friendships.

 The Risks  10-20% of Men  20-40% of Women  Most often in Adolescence  Most Likely by Someone Familiar  Most Likely within Families  Most Likely in Blended Families  Older Brother – Younger Sister  The Effects  Two Extremes  Factors: Nature of the abuse Frequency Method of persuasion Age of child Degree of isolation from parents How the parents respond Personality of the child

BeliefsSkills Supportive Environment

 Your Body Is Private  Don’t Keep Secrets  Trust Your Feeling

 Recognize Danger  Be Assertive  Meekness Is Not Weakness  No Means No

 Stand Behind Your Children  Reinforce the Three Critical Rules  Be Aware of Your Child’s World  Including Church and School!

Too much? Too Soon? Do They Need to Know? Will It Feed Their Interest?

 Accurate and Early Messages Are Best  Err on the Side of Too Much  Be Explicit – Detailed, Clear, Direct  Kids Filter  Quit When They Show Disinterest

 Principle – Positive Messages Are More Potent than Negative Ones  Romans 2:1-16 – God’s Law is written on the hearts of humankind  Trust the Fundamentally Positive View of Sex Presented in Scripture

 Friends bring gifts to a wedding. God has a special gift for new husbands and wives too. It is called sex. God’s rules say that only people who are married to each other should have sex. It is God’s way of making families strong.  Because the man and woman are married, their bodies belong to each other. They enjoy holding each other close. When a husband and wife lie close together, he can fit his penis into her vagina. His semen flows inside of her and their bodies feel good all over. Husbands and wives want to be alone during sex so they can think only of each other.  A husband can’t make a baby by himself. A wife can’t make a baby by herself. But God made their bodies so that they fit perfectly together. And together they can make a baby. Carolyn Nystrom, Before I Was Born, illustrated by Joel Spector (NavPress, 2007); Book 2 of the God’s Design For Sex book series. update needed?

 How do you think you would feel about sharing this with your 7-9 year old?

 A father one of us knows reported that one Saturday, when he was driving his twelve-year-old daughter to a flute lesson, she asked, “Daddy, how old do you have to be to do it?” He took a deep breath and replied, “Well, it seems to me that having intercourse—that is what you mean, isn’t it?—is a real special thing that you don’t do just because you’re old enough or because it feels good. The most important thing is to be very sure of your own feelings and not do it because of anyone else or for anyone else. Your mother and I don’t believe kids your age are ready to handle it, but if you decide differently, it’s important to avoid a pregnancy you wouldn’t be able to manage by using birth control.”  Planned Parenthood Federation of America, How to Talk With Your Child About Sexuality (New York: Doubleday, 1986), page 59.

 Counterarguments Are No Surprise  Public Commitment Matters  From Acceptance to Advocacy  Practice Thinking Skills