TIPS FOR CHATTING WITH NEWCOMERS What to say after hello.

When we make true connection we touch what is holy. Hospitality is the start of the journey; it is the enactment of our Unitarian Universalist faith. -- Rev. Peter S. Morales,

G ETTING UP THE C OURAGE TO A PPROACH S OMEONE What’s the worst that can happen? Realize that everyone has something to offer, including you. This is an opportunity to make a new friend. Remember that is isn’t about you. To make the best impression, its usually works to concentrate on them.

R OADBLOCKS TO C OMMUNICATION Feeling awkward and uncomfortable. The best way to deal with feeling uncomfortable is just to practice. Feeling insincere in making conversation. Not knowing what to say to start a conversation Ingrained behaviors such as “don’t talk to strangers.” Don’t want to be perceived as pushy or needy. Risking rejection

M AKE A G OOD F IRST I MPRESSION According to Barna Research, 40% of visitors make up their mind about a church before they even see the Minister. In other words, making a positive first impression is important to building rapport with newcomers.

W HERE D O I S TART ? Make Eye Contact Smile Center Yourself

I’ VE S AID “H ELLO ” …W HAT ’ S N EXT ? Introduce Yourself Offer Your Hand Evaluate the Situation Maintain Eye Contact Comment About Something Mutual Ask Them a Question Listen Answer Any Questions They May Ask

L ISTENING Listen in a way that shows you’ve been listening. Acknowledge what you hear. Often listening is used to wait until its time to talk again. Ask a follow-up questions or repeat back some of the information you’ve been given and then add some information you have in common. Answer any questions that they may ask.

A SKING Q UESTIONS Try to ask open ended questions. Be inquisitive, but not an inquisitor. Be careful not to make assumptions about who the person is or why they are visiting our church.

I T ’ S OK TO H AVE A F EW Q UESTIONS M EMORIZED Have you ever been to a UU Church before? What brought you to the service today? Are you originally from Lincoln? Do you live close by? Do you have any children? Do you have any pets? Have you taken any vacations lately? Is this your first visit or have you been coming for while? Do you have any questions about the Church? How did you find us?

E XTRA T IPS Be Respectful Be aware of their comfort level. See who’s around them. Avoid “swarming” Newcomers Establish Rapport Adopt a Positive Attitude Invite the Visitor to Stay for Coffee

“Visitors usually expect to receive some attention when they first start to attend a new church. What is really special is to find people in that church who continue that attention and friendliness after the newness of being a visitor wears off.” ~ unknown

F OLLOW U P Remember their name. Introduce newcomers to other members of the congregation Take mental notes. Upon their second visit let them know you are happy they have come back. Take notice in different settings. Invite them attend new member classes. Encourage them to become connected.

C OMMUNICATION IS A SKILL Like learning to play piano or ride a bike, learning to communicate is a skill. Like most skills, it is difficult at first until to learn and practice it. Communicating with others gets easier the more often you do it. Like running a marathon, good interpersonal skills take time, practice and perseverance.

H OSPITALITY IS A S PIRITUAL P RACTICE In the Buddhist tradition, our connections are real; our separations are an illusion. When we believe in the illusion of separation, not only do we deceive ourselves, but we follow a path that will bring us great suffering. If you and I are ultimately connected, you cannot be other. You cannot be alien, a foreigner. If I do not know you, I do not know a part of myself. When you and I are separated, neither of us is whole.

A N O VERVIEW : W RAPPING I T U P Communication is a two-way street. When you sense that the conversation has run its course, exit gracefully. Let the visitor decide the length of the conversation. If the visitor seems open to meeting others, introduce him or her to other church members, especially if you discover they have similar interests to someone. Be sure to visit the guest again if you see him or her at the next service.

QUESTIONS