Raising Kids that Cope Building an optimistic mindset in children Session 1 Cay Camden Gordon West Public School

Tonight’s talk

What is Resilience? What does it look like to us? Why is it important Some ways of thinking… The resilience doughnut model Stages of moral reasoning Building resilience nuts and bolts In summary

About me!

Our world

Our children are the ‘click n go’ generation (post 1984) Shorter attention spans More agitated More anxiety/depression Greater reliance on external sources of stimulation & happiness Expect immediate outcomes Fewer role models Question authority Want to succeed but not put in the hard yards Will live at home longer and save their money (yes, that’s mine)

What is resilience? “ Resilience is the happy knack of bungy jumping through the pitfalls of life” (Andrew Fuller, 1998)

“Resilience is the universal capacity which allows a person, group or community to prevent, minimize or overcome the damaging effects of adversity” (Edith Grotberg, 1995)

“ Resilience is the capacity of individuals to navigate their physical and social ecologies, to provide resources, as well as their access to families and communities who can culturally navigate for them” (Michael Ungar, 2008)

Resilience is NOT A genetic predisposition to thriving A personality trait

What does it look like to US? A movement away from… ‘just trying to cope’ with problems to……. building strengths that protect and promote well-being ’

Why is it important? Make the most of their potential Extend themselves Fears & worries acknowledged Builds social and emotional capacities

Some ways of thinking “It is thinking style that determines resilience more than genetics, more than intelligence, more than any other single factor” (Seligman et al: 1995 The Penn Project) Optimistic thinking V Pessimistic thinking

It is global and everything is bad. It is permanent and unable to be changed. It is because of me and everything goes wrong for me. It is temporary, so it won’t last long. There is a specific reason for it, so it can’t be repeated. It is because of other factors, and nothing I do makes a difference. Pessimistic Thinking When bad things happen When good things happen Copyright Lyn Worsley

It is specific, so I can learn from this. It is temporary, so it will get better. It is because of other factors, so I can keep trying to make a difference. It is permanent and therefore I can depend on it. It is global, so it indicates everything is going well. It is because of me, so I will continue to make a difference. Optimistic Thinking When bad things happen When good things happen Copyright Lyn Worsley

Half glass FULL!

the optimist sees the glass as half full the pessimist sees it as half empty. the engineer sees a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be the surrealist sees a giraffe eating a necktie

THE RESILIENCE DOUGHNUT Copyright Lyn Worsley

Finding our key strengths

Why 3?

“If something is not working, do something different. If something is working, do it again!”

Strength focussed questions

Some things children need

Adult role models Explicit behaviour Positive reinforcement Us to actually listen, cause our lives are soooo busy! Keep promises Reduce choices But, choose your battles (it’s hard to win!) Keep it simple and positive Responsibility and consequences, remembering their brain is remodelling fast Say it once and move on Prepare for challenging situations yourself Talk to other parents

Stages of Moral Development

Ppr reasoning: Stages 1 and 2

Conventional moral reasoning: Stages 3 and 4

Post- conventional moral reasoning: Stages 5 and 6

Research Self- discipline Self control Improves and increases creativity and learning capacities

To build your child’s self control Show interest by time Walk side by side with boys Eye contact with girls Teach ‘gut feeling’, inner moral compass Promote problem solving Model

So …

In Summary Communicate Positive encouragement Do it again or Try a new way! Model behaviour Small practice steps Listen and acknowledge Try not to rescue Problem solving