Elaboration: Strategic Teaching to Improve Student Writing Part 3: Lessons 6 - 8 Elaboration within Sentences, Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences, Criteria for Assessment OSPI Instructional Support Materials for Writing These materials were developed by Washington teachers to help students improve their writing. Version 2 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

OSPI Writing Instructional Support Materials Core Development Team Nikki Elliott-Schuman – OSPI, Project Director Charlotte Carr – Retired Seattle SD, Facilitator Barbara Ballard – Coupeville SD Anne Beitlers – Seattle SD Marcie Belgard – Richland SD Betsy Cornell – Moses Lake SD Lydia Fesler – Spokane SD Lori Hadley – Puyallup SD Lissa Humphreys – East Valley SD (Spokane) Kathleen McGuinness – Kennewick SD Lisa McKeen – East Valley SD (Yakima) Sharon Schilperoort – Yakima SD Holly Stein – Eastside Catholic High School Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Purpose To share teaching strategies that will help students develop a piece of writing that elaborates on a single idea and addresses the needs and interests of a particular audience. Elaboration is critical for clear and effective writing. When WASL papers were analyzed, elaboration was the most critical for moving a 2 to a 3 and a 3 to a 4. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry—a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student’s daily lives Lesson—the new information or concepts for the section Activity—the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment—These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not “getting it,” it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. ELABORATION WITHIN SENTENCES Lesson 6 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Elaboration within a Sentence Sentences can be expanded by adding elaboration. Sentences can be combined to provide elaboration. APPOSITIVES, PHRASES, AND CLAUSES. TELL ME MORE. . . Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Appositives Add information to a single sentence. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Appositives Joel made the goal. An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that follows another noun or pronoun that renames it or adds information. An appositive is usually set apart from the sentence by commas. Joel made the goal. Joel, the star of the team, made the goal. When you click on the mouse, the sentence with an added appositive appears. Re: commas. The comma is not necessary when the appositive is restrictive (essential to the basic meaning of the sentence). Example - Twenty-one-year-old student Edna Stuart almost flunked English, but after hard study she managed to pass. Other phrases not modeled here may be used to elaborate. Some of these include a participial phrase, an absolute phrase, an infinitive phrase, and a gerund phrase. Sentence with an appositive. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Appositives answer the reader’s questions. Mom---Natalya is coming over tonight. Who is Natalya? Natalya, the girl who sits beside me in band, is coming over tonight. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Add an appositive to a sentence. WHO ? Ms. Ortega, ____________, is my teacher. Ms. Ortega, English teacher in room 7, is my teacher. Crystal Lake, ___________, is my home. Crystal Lake, a lovely town off Interstate 90, is my home. WHERE ? While the appositives are given for these sentences, you may want to have students write different appositives to practice. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Elaborate by adding appositives. Try adding an appositive with a partner. My school, ______________, is the best. That lunch, ____________,was the worst. Mrs. Dennis, ____________, helped me find a site on the Internet. My car, __________, is a piece of junk. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Some Samples My school, the largest school in our town, is the best. That lunch, liver, onions, and ketchup, was the worst. Mrs. Dennis, our new librarian, helped me find a site on the Internet. My car, an ancient jalopy inherited from my brother, is a piece of junk. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Combine sentences to form an appositive. We can combine the two following sentences into one power-packed sentence and delete unnecessary words. John plays varsity basketball for the Springfield Hurricanes basketball team. He is a senior and the point guard for his team. John, the senior point guard, plays basketball for the Springfield Hurricanes. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

More Practice Combining Sentences to Form Appositives Look at the two sentences. Choose one of the sentences to be the base sentence and using the important information from the other sentence, write an appositive. Trevor owns and operates Screaming T-Shirts. Trevor owns his own business. Trevor, the owner, operates the business Screaming T-Shirts. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Elaborate by combining sentences. More practice Emily bought a present for her best friend at Macy’s. Emily bought a silver ring for her best friend. ________________________________________ Alex ran around the track 25 times that morning. Alex is a marathon runner from Yacoco High School. Example correct sentences - Emily bought a present, a silver ring, for her best friend at Macy’s. Alex, a marathon runner from Yacoco High School, ran around the track 25 times that morning. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Prepositional Phrases A prepositional phrase adds information and elaboration by answering questions a reader may have. Prepositional phrases are often used to answer questions about position, place, location, or time. (examples of prepositions - by, of, for, on, in, under, with, through, beside, before, after, during…) Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Phrases add elaboration. Example Susie, a senior at Springfield High, runs the concession stand. Susie, a senior at Springfield High, runs the concession stand for every 2005-6 basketball game. When does Susie run the concession stand? Why does she run it? …for every 2005-6 basketball game answers the 2 questions in the call-out box - When does Susie run the concession stand AND why does she run it? Check to see if students notice the appositive, a senior at Springfield High. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Your Turn to Add Prepositional Phrases With your partner, add prepositional phrases to the following sentences to answer questions a reader may have. Luis got his driving license. Maryann earned an academic award. Nadia came in first place. Possible phrases to add Luis got his driving license at the Washington State Department of Licenses on January 5, 2005. Maryann earned an academic award for her high grade point average. Nadia came in first place at the all-state track meet in May. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Clauses add elaboration. Definition A clause is a group of words that depends on a complete sentence and starts with an introductory word such as who, which, that, although, since, or because and has its own subject and verb. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Clauses add elaboration. Example Elaine had plenty of her own money. Elaine asked her friend Delia to pay for her movie ticket. Combined with a clause Although Elaine had plenty of her own money, she asked her friend Delia to pay for her movie ticket. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Another Example Example Maryann and Jocelyn were both late getting home. The party lasted longer than planned. Combined with a clause Because the party lasted longer than planned, Maryann and Jocelyn were both late getting home. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. One More Example Example Gabriel had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass. He was rescued by a state patrolman. Combined with a clause Gabriel, who had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass, was rescued by a state patrolman. OR When Gabriel had a flat tire on Snoqualmie Pass, he was rescued by a state patrolman. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Your Turn to Elaborate with Clauses. Combine the following pairs of sentences using clauses. Benjamin and Gerardo walked home after the football game. Celia offered Benjamin and Gerardo a ride home after the Friday night football game. ___________________________________ Josh went to take his driving test. Josh failed his driving test two times. Example correct sentences - Even though Celia offered them a ride home, Benjamin and Gerardo walked home after the football game. Josh went to take his driving test although he had failed it two times before. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 6

Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry—a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student’s daily lives Lesson—the new information or concepts for the section Activity—the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment—These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not “getting it,” it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. LAYERING vs. LISTING Lesson 7 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering Elaboration A thoughtful writer layers one sentence after another. Each new sentence adds to or develops the thought . . .like rings around a bull’s-eye. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering seems like Each idea is carefully stacked on the next. . . like bricks in a wall . . .or rings on a tall tree. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Every sentence and detail fit with the rest of the topic . . .like a set of nesting dolls. It might be helpful to students to discuss nesting dolls and how they represent one sentence added to another and another, each developing further the previous idea. If you actually have nesting dolls or boxes, the tangible example is also useful. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Listing vs. Layering Don’t add boring, list-like sentences just to make the paragraph longer. REMEMBER – length doesn’t always mean quality elaboration. List-like example rather than layering - Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school. I love nachos. I like the pizza at school. Sometimes I order salad when I am feeling full. I have some favorite vegetables. See - Choices-listing.doc, Choices-layering.doc While listing can sometimes be an effective elaboration strategy, a less-skilled writer tends to confuse adding list-like information that does not develop the idea. This example gives an unrelated list of foods that the author likes. Notice that they could be in any order without changing the impact. Activity Part 1 - Duplicate the Choices-listing.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of a list doesn’t matter. Part 2 - Duplicate the Choices-layering.doc from the Document Folder. Cut the sentences into strips and place them into separate envelopes - one set of sentences per envelope. Pair students and give each pair an envelope. Have them find the topic sentence. (Having lots of choices is the reason why I eat at school.) Have students throw the rest of the sentence strips into the air and then place them in the order they land. Students share their results and can clearly see that the order of these sentences is important and these sentences can’t be placed in any order. Elaboration and internal transitions force the order of the sentences (cohesion). Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Layering sounds like TOPIC Having lots of food choices is the reason why I like my school’s lunchroom. I can select my favorite foods for lunch everyday. I sometimes pick cheesy nachos with the melted cheese sauce smothered over the hot crispy chips. If I don’t want anything that greasy, like nachos or pizza, I can choose a “made-for-me” salad. This means I get to choose what goes on it and my favorite veggies, including olives, peppers, and tomatoes. The best thing is I can pick a food that fits my attitude that day. This is an example of what layering elaboration looks like. Point out to students how each sentence builds on the previous one. For example, “nachos” builds on “favorite foods,” “greasy” builds on “melted cheese sauce,” and “favorite veggies” builds on “salad.” The order is important. Have students discuss the difference between this paragraph and the list-like paragraph on the previous slide. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Another layering example TOPIC Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other. What appears like a peaceful sport is really a contrast to the 50 mph feel of the wind in your face, waist-high moguls to weave in and out of while your thighs scream, “Stop!” With a wind chill of minus 10, you still have sweat dripping under your long johns as your adrenaline pumps through your veins. You can’t wait to get to the bottom of the run and do it again. Draw students’ attention to the topic “Skiing down a Black Diamond run gives a rush like no other” and how every sentence that follows develops that thought. This is what layering of elaboration does and why it is a powerful strategy. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Practice layering. Read the following topic sentence. With a partner take turns adding layers of sentences that DEVELOP the topic. Dessert is my favorite thing to order at McDonald’s. The student sample Dessert at McDonald’s is from a 7th grader and is found in the Document Folder. This sample may be used in the following ways: Share this with students first by making an overhead transparency of it and placing it on the projector. Have students identify the topic (dessert is my favorite thing to order at McDonald’s). Read this orally, sentence by sentence, and have students give a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down” on whether each sentence builds and develops the topic. This will help students see that every sentence provides another “layer” of development and creates an effective paragraph. Now have students work with partners and create a paragraph. If you think your students’ paragraphs may be too repetitive if they are based on McDonald’s, have the sets of partners pick a different restaurant, e.g. “Dessert (or any food of choice) is my favorite thing to order at Red Robin” (or Wendy’s, or Arby’s, or wherever they choose). Have partners share with the large group. See student sample - Dessert at McDonald’s Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

More Practice with Layering In the following paragraph, discuss how all the sentences layer or develop the topic. Football season at JKHS is the best time of the year. Even though I don’t play, football provides us all with something to do on Friday nights. Sometimes that means watching the football games; sometimes that means the after-game dance. My favorite football memory was after the game with MLHS. The ASB leaders made a huge bonfire for us to celebrate the win. It lasted until 2:00 a.m. when we went to Shari’s for breakfast to plan the next football experience. Help your students see how each sentence in this paragraph layers or builds on what comes before. They may also notice the following elaboration strategies: Definition - Sometimes that means watching the football games; sometimes that means the after-game dance. Anecdote - My favorite football memory was after the game with MLHS. The ASB leaders made a huge bonfire for us to celebrate the win. It lasted until 2:00 a.m. when we went to Shari’s for breakfast to plan the next football experience. Distribute the Listing vs Layering document in the Document Folder. (These are examples from the WASL.) Remember…layering looks like sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them purposely explaining with the needs of the audience in mind. Often layering answers question like “What else?” “Tell me more…” “Why?” “When and where?” In the layering papers, the first paper uses description. There is also a list of examples that build on the idea of participation (…way of participating. Stands are packed…Other students make banners…) The entire excerpt layers on the topic of putting the sports jersey in the time capsule. The second paper uses the definition strategy about the age of ignorance with examples. You weren’t required to understand… directly layers over the age of ignorance followed by the example of the car. The third paper layers the description of what the dream job would be like in this scenario. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Remember…layering looks like Sentences thoughtfully placed with the one main topic threaded through them . . . purposely explaining with the needs of the audience in mind. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Your Turn Choose one of the following two topics. Then write a paragraph and practice elaborating by layering each sentence and developing the main idea. The parking lot at _______ High is where the real education takes place at school. _______ is what I live for on the weekends. 1. 2. After students have written their paragraphs, have them get into groups of three and share their papers with each other. They should check for intentional layering of details. They may also note the elaboration strategies - example, anecdote, and specific details. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 7

Elaboration Module Series of Lessons Defining Elaboration Asking Questions that Lead to Elaboration Recognizing Elaboration Show, Don't Tell Specific, Concrete Details versus General Language Elaboration within Sentences Layering -- Elaboration Using Multiple Sentences Criteria for Assessment Each lesson has four parts. Entry—a short beginning activity designed to generate interest, review the previous lesson, make connections, and/or relate material to student’s daily lives Lesson—the new information or concepts for the section Activity—the place where students apply the lesson on their own Assessment—These activities will also serve as formative assessments; that is, if the students are not “getting it,” it would be a good idea to go back and re-teach the concepts using different examples and/or other teaching strategies. Some students may need more time and opportunity to grasp the concepts. There is an Elaboration Scoring Guide and a Student Checklist as well as sample student papers at varying points throughout the module for a more formal assessment. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. CRITERIA FOR ASSESSMENT Lesson 8 Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.

Scoring Guide for Elaboration Teachers and students should use the Elaboration Scoring Guide to evaluate students’ writing for elaboration. See - Elaboration Scoring Guide 4 Elab Scoring Guide is in the Document folder. Practice with students scoring some papers the students have written. Try looking at some earlier papers and some that they wrote after working through these lessons. Celebrate improvement. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 8

Checklist for Elaboration Teachers and students should read the checklist and may use it as an alternative tool to evaluate writing. See - Elaboration Checklist The Elaboration Checklist, found in the Document Folder, is an another possibility for evaluating writing. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 8

After Reading the Checklist If any bullet has a NO marked in your writing, this is the time To revise and add more and/or different types of elaboration. To consider carefully why you chose to leave something out. Guide students to identify how their writing is elaborated, how they have improved, and help them to revise further. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Lesson 8

Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved. Feedback, please We welcome your comments. Please feel free to try these lessons and send feedback to Nikki Elliott-Schuman at nelliott@ospi.wednet.edu. We appreciate your labeling the subject line as Feedback: OSPI Instructional Support Materials. This slide is for teachers only. Copyright 2006 Washington OSPI. All rights reserved.