What’s the Big Deal About Bullying? PARENT PRESENTATION

BULLYING: MYTH OR FACT 1. Bullies are boys. 2. Bullies are insecure and have low self-esteem. 3. Bullies don’t have friends. 4. Bullies are usually failing in school. 5. Bullies don’t really mean to hurt their victims. 6. If the victim fights back, the bully will back down. 7. Telling on a bully makes the situation worse for the bully. 8. You shouldn’t get involved in a bully-victim situation, or you might get bullied as well. 9. Once a victim, always a victim.

EXAMINE YOUR OWN BELIEFS Bullying is just a normal, unavoidable part of life Lots of kids are bullied at school and they survive. Bullying builds character. It’s best to let students solve their own problems, without adult interference. This is how they learn to get along in the world.

What’s the Big Deal? Bullying happens on an average of every 7 minutes on school playgrounds 60% male bullies will have 1 conviction by age 24 85% of the school population are bystanders Bullying is one of the leading causes of suicide >90% of victims’ grades will drop

What is Bullying? A person is being bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons.Olweus, 1992

What is Bullying? Bullying is: P = Purposeful (intentionally trying to hurt another person) I = Imbalance of power (bigger, older, part of a group) C = Continues (not a one time event; happens over time)

Normal Peer Conflict vs. Bullying Normal Peer Conflict Equal power or friends Happens occasionally Accidental Not serious Equal emotional reaction Not seeking power or attention Not trying to get something Remorse -- will take responsibility Effort to solve the problem Bullying Imbalance of power; not friends Repeated negative actions Purposeful Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or no emotional reaction from bully Seeking power, control, or material things No remorse -- blames victim No effort to solve problems

Types of Bullying Physical Aggression Social Alienation Verbal Aggression Intimidation “Cyber” Bullying Sexual Harassment Racial/Ethnic Harassment

What is “Cyberbullying?” Cyberbullying: the intentional and repeated harm of others through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices. Examples: mean text messages or s, rumors sent by or posted on social networking sites, embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles. Characteristics: Can be anonymous Impact can be wider reaching (speed and breadth of internet is damaging) Can be children who might not have otherwise engaged in bullying behavior (it is easier to be cruel when the bully is sheltered from target’s responses)

Preventing Cyberbullying Be aware of what your kids are doing online –Know the sites your kids visit and their online activities –Have a sense of what they do online and in texts. Learn about the sites they like. Try out the devices they use –Ask to “friend” or “follow” your kids on social media sites or ask another trusted adult to do so Establish Rules about technology use –Be clear about what sites they can visit and what they are permitted to do when they’re online –Help them be smart about what they post or say. Tell them not to share anything that could hurt or embarrass themselves or others

Parents and Cyberbullying…What can you do? If you suspect your child is being cyberbullied… –Try not to immediately ban access to instant messaging, , social networking sites, cell phone, or the Internet –Encourage your child to keep a diary and write about the bullying incidents, to draw or to do any other creative activity that will help deal with emotions –Remain open to the idea that they may want to talk about the problem, but just not with you –Empower your child by keeping him involved and listening to his opinions about how to resolve the problem –Don’t hesitate to make difficult decisions (law enforcement)

Warning Signs Change in eating patterns Low or no self-confidence Overly sensitive, cautious, clingy Cries easily, blames self Talks about running away Talks about suicide

Warning Signs Sudden change in school attendance/academic performance Difficulty concentrating in class Lonely, withdrawn, isolated Poor or no social/interpersonal skills Uses “victim” body language Frequent complaints of headaches, pains, etc…

What Can Parents Do? Ask your child for specifics Listen Contact the school as soon as possible Avoid confronting the other student’s parents Help your child develop bully resistance skills Arrange for your child to join social groups, team sports, clubs or organizations that meet his/her interests

Bully Resistance Skills Help Assert yourself Humor Avoid Self-talk Own it Join a group Tell a friend Keep a safe distance

Warning Signs of Bullying Behaviors Enjoys feeling powerful and in control Seeks to dominate and/or manipulate peers Physically larger and stronger than his/her peers Little or no empathy for others Blames others for his or her problems No remorse Involved in repeated offenses

Characteristics of Bullying Impulsive Lack of Empathy Underestimate the harm they do Lack of social problem solving skills Charisma and social power

Future of the Trend Old Attitude Not my problem New Attitude Everyone’s responsibility Everyone is responsible for dealing with bullying - students, staff, parents and community members.

Resources eNewsletter sent monthly with info to parents Info included in PTA/School newsletter PRES school counseling webpage includes information and strategies for parents and students.

Your Favorite Radio Station… WIIFM “What’s in it for me?” –Your Child will Feel Safe –Your Child will have sense of Control –Your Child will be able to take an active role in eliminating bullying at PRES

E-School Newsletter to Parents Bully, a documentary on the bullying crisis in U.S. schools will be shown on two consecutive Saturdays at the AMC Theatre located in Columbia Mall at 11:00 a.m., September 29, 2012 and October 6, The showing is being arranged through the joint and cooperative efforts of County Executive Ken Ulman, the Trustees and Fellows of the Bar Foundation of Howard County, and the Howard County Public School System. Parents and other concerned adults are encouraged to view this timely and thought provoking film as an opportunity to begin conversations with students. One of the revelations in the film is that children often do not tell their parents that they are experiencing bullying so conversation starters will be provided at the event. Because of the nature of the film, this event is only for adults. The cost of attendance is $4.00 per ticket prior to date of attendance and $5.00 at the door. Tickets can be purchased at:

Thank you for supporting the No Bullying policy at PRES!