Do we have a bully problem? Not all problems between or among students is bullying. Normal peer conflict - name-calling, teasing, fussing, arguing, pushing, hitting and fighting can be part of getting along at all ages; they do not always mean bullying is happening. Getting along problems will happen as we learn how to be friends. True bullying can be a big problem and we all must work together to solve it!

So, what is bullying? The hurt is on purpose; it’s not by accident. You fear that student. That student seems to have power over you; “I can’t stand up for myself when he/she is bothering me.” That student seems to enjoy hurting others. That student repeats the behavior(s) over and over. You are hurt (body and/or feelings) and you believe that the student is targeting you. Notice the key words that show a bully problem – Purpose; Fear; Power; Hurt; Repeats.

Is this a bully problem, or a getting along problem? Am I afraid of this student? Does it feel like this student has power over me; that I cannot stand up for myself when he/she is bothering me. Is this more than a fuss/argument with a friend? Do I believe this student is a serious threat to my safety? Has this student continued to do the same hurtful things even after I have tried several things to get him/her to stop. Would I ask to stay home to avoid this student? If your answers are YES to these questions, then you probably have a bully problem and may need adult help to solve it. If you answered NO to three or more of these questions, this is probably not a bully problem buta getting along problem. If you answered NO to three or more of these questions, this is probably not a bully problem but a getting along problem.

What’s the Difference? Getting Along Problem Bullying Problem Equal power – you are friends Imbalance of power – not friends Happens occasionally Happens repeatedly (over and over) Accidental On purpose No serious threat Serious threat of harm to body or feelings Equal emotional reaction – students involved feel equally upset Strong emotions from the victim, but little or no emotion from the bully Remorse (to be sorry) – will take responsibility No remorse (does not feel sorry) – blames victim Effort to solve the problem No effort to solve the problem Can you give an example of a getting along problem? Can you give an example of a bullying problem?

Resources: Bullying and Harassment: Fundamentals of Detection, Identification and Intervention; Mary Jo McGrath; McGrath Training Systems, 2007 How to be Bully Free Workbook; Free Spirit Publishing, 2006 Bully-Proofing Your School; (2 nd ed.); Sopris West, 2000 The ABC’s of Bullying Prevention: A Comprehensive Schoolwide Approach; Dude Publishing, 2005 Books: In the Library: Lucy and the Bully; Claire Alexander. E ALE Bully; Judith Caseley. EC The Recess Queen; Alexis O’Neill. EO Bully Trouble; Joanna Cole. EC In the Guidance Office: Billy Bully; Alvaro & Ana Galan The Bully Blockers Club; Teresa Bateman Nobody Knew What to Do; Becky Ray McCain