Bullying Prevention Workshop for Parents Debbie Kim WVUSD Counselor Sites: Castle Rock, Collegewood, Evergreen Taken from: Dr. Amanda Nickerson, Ph. D Director of the Alberti Center for Bullying Abuse Prevention

Key Points of Presentation What is Bullying? Recognize the Warning Signs “Bullyproofing” My Child My Child is Being Bullied My Child Might Be Bullying Others How Do I Get Help?

What is Bullying?

Intentional, usually repeated acts of verbal, physical, or written aggression by a peer (or group of peers) operating from a position of strength or power with the goal of hurting the victim physically or damaging status and/or social reputation Olweus (1978); United States Department of Education (1998)

What are the Different Types of Bullying? Physical bullying o punching, shoving, acts that hurt people Verbal bullying o name calling, making offensive remarks Indirect bullying o spreading rumors, excluding, ganging up Cyber bullying o sending insulting messages, pictures or threats by , text messaging, chat rooms Hinduja & Patchin (2009)

How is Bullying Different from Teasing and Conflict? Teasing: Fun, good-natured, “give-and-take” between friends to get both parties to laugh Bullying: Based on a power imbalance; intent to cause psychological or physical harm; usually repeated Conflict: A struggle, dispute, or misunderstanding between two equal forces

When and Where Does Bullying Occur? Pre-K through late high school (and beyond); peaks in grades 4-7 Can happen anywhere, but it is most likely to occur in less closely supervised areas (bus, locker room, hallways, playground, online)

Is Bullying Different in Boys and Girls? Boys o More direct, physical bullying o Bully more frequently than girls o Bully both boys and girls Girls o More indirect (harder to detect) o Often occurs in groups and with girls of same age o Cyberbullying slightly more common than for males Banks (2000); Cook, Williams, Guerra, Kim, & Sadek, (2010); Crick & Grotpeter, (1995); Hinduja & Patchi (2009); Hoover & Oliver, (1996); Nansel et al., (2001); Olweus, (2002); Underwood, (2003)

What do we Know about Students who Bully? Desire for power and control Get satisfaction from others’ suffering Justify their behavior (“he deserved it”) More exposed to physical punishment More likely to be depressed May have other problem behaviors (alcohol and drug use, fighting) Batsche & Knoff (1994); Beaver, Perron, & Howard, (2010); Olweus (1993); Swearer et al. (in press); Vaughn, Bender, DeLisi, (in press)

Recognize the Warning Signs

What are Signs that Child May be Bullying Others? Refer to others negatively (wimp, loser) Lack empathy Strong need to get his or her own way Hostile/defiant attitude Anger easily Deny involvement or blame others when behavior is addressed

What are Characteristics of Children who are Bullied? Have a position of relative weakness o Age, ethnic background, financial status, disability, sexual orientation Most are passive and lack assertiveness o Do nothing to invite aggression o Do not fight back when attached o May relate better to adults than peers Some provoke others o Offend, irritate, tease others o Reactive; fight back when attacked Boivin, Poulin, & Vitaro (1994); Hodges & Perry (1999); Olweus (1978, 1993, 2001); Schwartz (2000); Snyder et al. (2003)

What are Kids Bullied About? Appearance/body size Perceived sexual orientation How masculine or feminine they appear to be Ability at school (“invisible” disabilities) Race/ethnicity Money Religion “If they look different, love different, or walk different” - Kevin Jennings

What are Signs that Child May be Bullied Unexplained illnesses, cuts/bruises Not wanting to go to school or be in social situations Any change in behavior o Not interested in doing things that he/she used to like doing o Withdrawn

What are Consequences for Youth who Bully? More likely to experience legal or criminal troubles as adults Poor ability to develop and maintain positive relationships in later life Andershed, Kerr, & Stattin (2001); Farrington (2009); Farrington, & Ttofi (2009, 2011); Oliver, Hoover, & Hazler (1994); Olweus (1993); Ttofi & Farrington (2008)

What are Consequences for Targets of Bullying? Emotional distress Loneliness, peer rejection Desire to avoid school Increased anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation; low self-esteem In some cases, may respond with extreme violence Boivin, Hymel, & Bukowski (1995); Boulton & Underwood (1992); Crick & Bigbee (1998); Egan & Perry (1998); Hinduja, & Patchin, (2009); Kochenderfer & Ladd (1996); Nickerson & Sltater (2009); Olweus (1993); Perry et al. (1988)

“Bullyproofing” My Child

Be a Positive Role Model Talk with and listen to your child (about school, peers, interests Listen to and validate concerns about friends and other students Treat others with dignity and respect Avoid using derogatory terms toward or about others in person and/or electronically (View Think Before You Speak video) Hymel, Nickerson, & Swearer Education.com

Get and Stay Involved Get involved in school, in community, and at home o Do so in a developmentally appropriate way (mindful of child’s and school’s preference) Visit school’s website and read newsletters Know the school’s policies in terms of bullying prevention and intervention Join the your school’s Community Club and volunteer Attend extracurricular and sporting events o Support child’s talents and competence o Get to know coaches, counselors, and leaders

Teach Children Good Habits Early and Consistently Have high expectations for behavior and a low tolerance for being mean Be specific about how specific words and behaviors can hurt others Teach better ways to respond (All feelings are OK – but not all behaviors are OK) Emphasize the importance of being a friend

Talk Openly about Bullying, Friendship, and Relationships Visit gse.buffalo.edu/alberticenter for other resources and conversation starters

Teach Children to be Upstanders, not Bystanders Don’t join in… speak up if it is safe to do so Band together as a group against bullies Tell an adult about the bullying o Tattling/ratting = telling an adult to get someone in trouble o Telling/reporting = telling an adult because someone’s behavior is unsafe or hurtful to another Reach out to isolated peers, offer support

Cyberbullying Prevention Teach responsible use of technology o Only communicate things that you would be OK about your parents seeing o Follow rules (no Facebook under age of 13) o Beware of anonymous sites like Formspring o Use the “off” switch Do not respond to upsetting communications Supervise and limit activities (no 24/7) o Have computers in common areas (not in bedroom) o Know child’s password o Be friend on Facebook o Bring cell phones, computers to parents’ room to charge overnight

My Child is Being Bullied

If Your Child is Being Bullied Listen and empathize o “Tell me what happened” o “That must have been very scary for you” o Thank child for telling you Take it seriously o Do not minimize of trivialize

If Your Child is Being Bullied Work with child to find out more about situation and to problem-solve o Responses like “just ignore it,” “give him a good whack,” what did you do to bother him or her?” won’t help Work in partnership with school and with outside professionals if needed Follow-up

My Child Might Be Bullying Others

If Your Child is Bullying Others Send clear, firm, and supportive message that the behavior is not OK and that you are going to work with child to change it (meaningful consequences) Try to figure out why your child is bullying o Desire for social power or status? o Temperament issue that needs more adult regulation? o Going along with peers? o Being bullied by others and lashing out?

If Your Child is Bullying Others Work with teacher or counselor to plan for change o Involve child in developing alternate behaviors or ideas to gain leadership and “social status” that don’t involve bullying others Provide specific examples (from your experience; carefully screened books and media)

How Do I Get Help?

Know that there are Resources Available Talk to your child’s teacher Talk to the school counselor/psychologist Talk to the principal Referrals for Students in Crisis TALK (Suicide Lifeline) U-Trevor (LGBTQ Youth Suicide Hotline)