Social Support: Giving and Receiving

Social Ties: A Stress-Resistance Resource Social Network refers to the “specific set of linkages among a defined set of persons” or a given person. The larger the social network, the greater the number of social ties or person-to- person linkages. Being socially connected is the opposite of being isolated. Social Support refers to relationships that bring positive benefits to the individual. Perceived social support means social ties the person perceives or experiences as yielding positive gains.

Types of Social Support – 1. Expressive (emotional support) and 2. instrumental (task-related support) Six Functions of Social Support – all essential for social well-being: 1. Attachment; 2. Social integration; 3. Opportunity for nurturance; 4. Reassurance of one’s worth; 5. A sense of reliable alliance; 6. Obtaining guidance House defines social support as: “an interpersonal transaction involving one or more of the following: Emotional concern (liking, love, empathy) Instrumental aid (goods or services) Information (about the environment) Appraisal (information relative to self-evaluation)” Social Support can be an important stress-resistance resource, contributing to mental and physical well-being. The balance between costs and benefits probably differs among persons, social roles, and stressful encounters.

Positive Effects Negative Effects PREVENTION Reduce uncertainty and worry – Set good examples – Share problems – Calm model - Distract Create uncertainty and worry – Set bad example – Create new problems – Stressed model - Distract COPING Label beneficial Provide sympathy Give helpful information Label Negative Subject to irritation and resentment Give misleading information RECOVERY Maintain regimen Contrast with health (incentive) Create desire to stop being a nuisance Discourage regimen Contrast with health (depressive) Create power/ dependence need Positive and Negative Effects of Social Ties

Two Relationships of Social Support to Well-Being Direct effect – the greater the social support, the more positive the mental and/or physical health. This type of relationship has been widely studied and widely supported. Buffering effects – social support softens the impact of potentially stressful events. It serves as a buffer between difficult life experiences and health outcomes

The Challenge of Building and Using Social Support Effective communication needs to promote the five freedoms: 1.The freedom to see and hear is here instead of what should be, was, or will be 2.The freedom to say what one feels and thinks instead of what one should 3.The freedom to feel what one feels instead of what one ought 4.The freedom to ask for what one wants instead of always waiting for permission. 5.The freedom to take risks in one’s own behalf instead of choosing to be only “secure” and not rocking the boat. - Virginia Satir (1976)

According to Satir, a key to good communication is congruence within yourself. (the words matching your feelings, your body and facial expressions matching your words, & your actions fitting all.) Making contact can be attained by: INVITING someone to make contact with you ARRANGING yourself in such a physical position as to be at eye level, arm’s length, etc. BEING PREPARED to take risks for bringing your insides outside. MAKING YOUR STATEMENTS with “I” ASKING QUESTIONS to seek information that you don’t have THINKING of all difficulties as opportunities for new.

“Communication is to relationship what breathing is to maintaining life..” Four ways of communicating often used by people with low self-esteem (those who have not yet learned to live their Five Freedoms): Placating Blaming Computing – with no semblance of feelings Distracting – doing or saying whatever is irrelevant to what others are doing or saying;

Communication Guidelines for Direct, Honest Communication: [adapted from Egan’s book, Encounter (1970)] Own your feelings and thoughts Address the other person directly Make statements rather ask questions Don’t sandbag (restrain) your negative feelings When giving feedback, describe the effects of the other’s actions rather than be accusatory Be generous in giving positive feedback to others Practice active listening Speak only for yourself and not for others

Self-Disclosure, the process of revealing authentic, personal thoughts and feelings to others, is to allow oneself to be seen, known, and understood. “Familiar Stranger”, the absence of self- disclosure, is partly the result of a necessary decision to “screen out” most people we meet. We simply cannot give time and energy to be open in a personal way with the dozens or hundreds of people we meet each day. “Plungers” too quickly and too completely reveal themselves and often are scorned and avoided. So, too, are those who perpetually engage in “ego-speak” – the boosting of their egos by speaking only about what they want.

Active Listening is a basic ingredient in any effort to cope constructively with others and a simple skill that is too seldom practiced. Defective responses due to lack of active listening can be classified into Psychologizing, Questioning, Denying, Discounting, Defending Sympathizing, Judging, Ordering, Parroting and Flipping to own story. The basic format for active listening is simple: “You sound _____ about _______ The words cannot be mechanical or stilted, but must flow naturally within the context of the person’s own vocabulary and communication style.

The most important features of active listening can be summarized in three simple dos and don’ts Dos Don’ts 1. Be and appear attentive1. Interrupt 2. Ask follow-up questions2. Give immediate judgements or solutions 3. Rephrase what you have 3. Divert the conversation heard to yourself

1.I Usually feel pretty lonely 2.I have close friends to provide me with plenty of emotional support when I need it. 3.When times are tough for me, there is no one available to provide genuine “moral support” 4.Generally speaking, I have a pretty good sense of belonging or connectedness to those around me.