Adding Details to a Story Narrative Writing Lesson Craft Lessons page.30

Show, Dont Tell We can paint a picture using markers, crayons, colored pencils, watercolors, or paint. But writers can also create a picture using words. Listen to the beginning of a poem by a boy named Matthew:

My mom takes good care of me. Shes the gardener, Im the rose, She waters me every day.

Did those lines make a picture in your mind? What did you see? Did it look like the picture beside the poem?

The writer doesnt actually means that hes a rose or that his mother truly waters him. Hes comparing himself to a rose to describe how it feels being taken care of by his mother (the gardener).

Example: The storm was awesome. This sentence needs more details put into to it to make a clearer picture in our minds.

We could say something like: The storm was awesome. The wind howled all night long. Or:

The storm was awesome; it was so windy that a huge tree in my yard blew down. This sentence leaves a picture in our minds that most of us can relate to.

Example: The teacher was angry. Instead write a sentence with details to show an angry teacher.

The angry teacher stomped into the classroom and yelled at the computer on the desk.

Dry Erase Board Practice

Write the letter for the better description of the underlined part in the sentence.

1. I could hardly wait until my mom came home from the hospital with the new baby. The baby was cute.

Writing That Shows A.She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair. B.My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me. C.I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor. D.It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations. E.Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

Answer: E. Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

2. My friend and I locked the bedroom door to keep my brother out. When I tried to open it, the doorknob came off in my hand. I tried to jam it back on, but it was hopeless. I was really scared and so was my friend.

Writing That Shows A.She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair. B.My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me. C.I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor. D.It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations. E.Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

Answer: C. I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor.

3. It was my aunts wedding day. She looked really pretty.

Writing That Shows A.She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair. B.My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me. C.I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor. D.It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations. E.Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

Answer: A. She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair.

4. The wedding cake was beautiful!

Writing That Shows A.She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair. B.My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me. C.I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor. D.It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations. E.Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

Answer: D. It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations.

5. I was going to feed my mothers horse a section of hay. But before I got in the stall, the door slid open and the horse walked out and accidentally knocked me over.

Writing That Shows A.She was wearing a white silk dress with a pink ribbon around her waist. Her veil was attached to flowers in her hair. B.My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me. C.I thought I would never get out. Maybe we would be there for weeks without food. I looked out the window. I wanted to jump. Lauren would not let me. She thought I would kill myself because we were on the second floor. D.It said Stairway to the Stars, and the icing was white with brown, green, and yellow decorations. E.Melissa has big blue eyes, straight black hair, and soft skin. She has red cheeks, too. Her fingers and toes are tiny, and her clothes arent much bigger than a big dolls.

Answer: B. My mother opened the stall slowly. The big, brown pregnant horse, Lucy, wobbled out while I charged in. We hit. My head to her chest. I fell to the concrete flat on my stomach. Lucy walked right over the top of me.

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