Humanistic Mediation A Transformative Journey Toward Peacemaking Through Dialogue Mark S. Umbreit Center for Restorative Justice & Peacemaking University of Minnesota College of Education & Human Development School of Social Work January, 2002

A Humanistic Approach to Mediation & Dialogue Continual centering of the mediator: Being fully present – separating “our stuff” from “their stuff” Deep compassionate listening – Importance of story telling “Just Listen” Pre-mediation in-person separate meetings Connecting with parties, but impartial

Humanistic Mediation Beyond Settlement Driven Mediation Creation of safe, if not sacred, space Dialogue driven – between parties Non-directive style of mediation Mediator “gets out of the way”

Presence: Four Key Elements 1.Being centered -physical and mental alignment -empty the mind -focus on “what is” -observing present experience, without interfacing 2.Being connected to one’s governing values, beliefs and highest purposes -centering on intention -focus on concern and hopes for clients -short meditation/deep breaths before session

Presence: Four Key Elements 3.Connecting with the humanity of the clients -simply be with what its, the pain and loss, in silence -compassionate acceptance of all parties -embrace the healing power in just being there 4.Being Congruent -emotional honesty (being who you are) -authentic (not having to be perfect or have all the answers) -humility (Lois Gold, MSW, 1993)

The Art of Listening from the Heart “If we could see the secret history of our enemies, we would find enough suffering to disarm all hostility.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Art of Listening from the Heart “Three-fourths of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world will disappear if we step into the shoes of our adversaries and understand their viewpoint.” Mahatma Gandhi The Art of Listening from the Heart “Three-fourths of the miseries and misunderstandings in the world will disappear if we step into the shoes of our adversaries and understand their viewpoint.” Mahatma Gandhi

The Art of Listening from the Heart “Listening is an attitude of the heart, a genuine desire to be with another which both attracts and heals.” J. Isham

Creating a Safe, if not Sacred, Place for Dialogue 1.NON-JUDGMENTAL ATTITUDE -Unconditional positive regard to all parties 2. PREPARATION OF THE PARTIES -Listening to their stories and needs -Explaining the process – no surprises -Preparing for the dialogue -Role of the mediator as guardian of process 3. PRESENTATION OF CHOICES -When to meet, where to meet -Who to be present, snacks

Creating a Safe, if not Sacred, Place for Dialogue 4.CENTERING OF MEDIATOR -Deep belly breathing, meditation or prayer -Separating “our stuff” from “their stuff” -Caring deeply for all but remaining impartial 5.SETTING THE TONE -Eliminating distractions -Soft music in background as people gather -Beginning with moment of silence, ritual or prayer (if meaningful to all parties)

Potential Blockages to Creating a Safe Place for Dialogue 1.TOUCH -Holding Hands -Any form of touch -Hugging 2.RELIGIOUS RITUAL -Using a specific religious ritual or prayer from a dominant religion -Using a specific religious ritual or prayer from an indigenous or non-Western tradition

Potential Blockages to Creating a Safe Place for Dialogue 3.LANGUAGE -Reference to spirituality and religion -“Spiritual” as synonymous with “Religious” -Language that communicates judgment 4.ASSUMPTIONS -“My understanding of spirituality or religion is shared by those present” -“What makes me centered or safe works for others”

Key Principles for Humanistic Mediation and Dialogue CULTIVATE VIRTUE (in yourself and others – focus on strengths) DO NO HARM (be aware of unintended consequences) TAME THE MIND (quiet the mind – be still – embrace silence) (The wisdom of the Buddha)

Key Principal of Native Hawaiian Healing: pa’a ka waha Close the mouth Be still Be patient

Mindfulness Meditation: A Systematic Process to Affect Perceptions and Behavior SIT COMFORTABLY with your back and neck erect— either on a chair with feet flat on the floor or on the floor with legs crossed and your hands on your knees or thighs. PAY ATTENTION TO THE SENSATION OF YOUR BREATH as it enters/leaves your nostrils or to the rising and falling of your abdomen as you breath in and out. IF YOU HAVE TROUBLE CONCENTRATING on your breath, silently count each exhalation until you reach ten; if you lose count begin again at one.

Mindfulness Meditation Mindfulness Meditation When your mind wanders, gently return your attention to the breath. Try this for five minutes, then gradually extend the time period to 30 minutes. Notice how the mind wanders and its propensity to latch onto and get carried away with thoughts, feelings, and sensations. KEY RESOURCE: Wherever You Go There You Are, by Jon Kabat-Zinn, 1994

Potential Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation Greater understanding of self and others Greater ability to detach from habitual mindsets and behavior Acceptance of present moment reality Ability to be fully present with others Less likihood of having one’s “buttons” pushed Enhanced abilities to concentrate Increased happiness - Increased compassion for others