The Christian Family #9 Corrective Discipline In our previous study of Discipline, several aspects were highlighted: Discipline is the training process by which one becomes a learner, follower, and emulator. For parents seeking to properly rear/raise children, “discipline” is the process used to help them become mature, independent, and godly adults. This process is composed of three essential parts….

The Three-Legged Stool of “Discipline” Discipline Education Encouragement Punitive Measures This is instructive discipline- telling your children what is expected in terms they can understand. This is encouraging discipline- explaining why this is the “right” thing for them to do in terms they can understand. This is corrective discipline- making sure they understand non-compliance has consequences. Without all three “legs” discipline cannot stand and will not be effective.

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline The first thing to understand about corrective / punitive discipline is that it is a principle of Divine origin.  Remember God is our Perfect Example of Parenting, and He certainly utilizes this aspect of discipline along with Education and Encouragement, Heb.12:5-11.  While “enforcement” may not be quite the right word, the child must come to understand that non-compliance has unpleasant consequences.  God instructs regarding the proper path, encourages compliance by showing the advantages of obedience and the consequences of disobedience, and follows through by ensuring that non-compliance has suitable consequences, cp. Gen.2:7-9, 15-17, 3:1-24.

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline But there are other aspects of corrective / punitive discipline that also need to be understood:  It is very much needed because, as a society, we have gotten so far away from divine wisdom on the matter, Prov.13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:  It must always be in keeping with God’s will, Eph.6:4; Col.3:21.  It must be consistently administered with the proper motivation of love, cf. Prov.3:11-12; Heb.12:7-8. It’s OK to be angry with your child’s disobedience- God was; but be sure your punishment is administered for his good not as a vent for your anger/discomfort.

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline Additional considerations of corrective / punitive discipline that also need to be understood:  It, in whatever form you choose, must follow education and encouragement. To remove either or both of the other legs of discipline makes you a bully, not a parent; and promotes rebellion.  It must be consistent. If this is “wrong” today, it must also be wrong tomorrow, and for both parents!  It must be punitive. Sending your child to a room full of toys is a reward, not a punishment. Taking a disruptive child out of the auditorium and putting them down to play is only rewarding bad behavior- “take ‘em out, wear ‘em out, and bring ‘em back in” still works if used consistently. But if you reward a disruptive child by giving them exactly what they want, you’re the problem.

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline The other important aspect of corrective discipline is “the Voice of Authority”-  Look at Eph.6:1 again. The word translated as “obey” is defined as “to listen attentively; by implication to heed or conform to a command or authority…” (Strong’s Dict. of N.T. Words, p.73) Question: Who is that authority?  THE PARENTS ARE! If it is the child’s responsibility to heed and conform, then it is your obligation to be the authority- BE AUTHORITATIVE!  You are the sole source of authority and guidance they will have for several years. If you fail to be that proper authority, they will likely have “problems with authority” for the rest of their lives!  What kind of job you do in this area will even influence how they respond to God’s authority- and therefore their eternal destiny; so get with it, you are God’s representative to them!

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline What is meant by “the Voice of Authority”?  Expect your children to obey. Expect a willing, cooperative attitude of compliance, and don’t tolerate being ignored, whining, arguments, responsive anger, or back talk. What happened to “Yes Sir/Ma’am” and “No Sir/Ma’am” as the right response to a parent’s directives? It still exists, but rarely.  Such is the fault of the parents, not the children! It is the fault of parents who forever beat around the bush of obedience, afraid to disturb any leaves of the presumed fragile psyche of the child! A child’s fragile psyche often stems from a parent without a backbone.  You can’t wish these things into existence, you have to expect and require them into reality.  If you have to plead, repeat, bribe, bargain, threaten, and second/third chance your children into obedience, you are the problem- you’re wishing, not expecting. Is that the way God parented? cf. Matt.17:1-8.

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline What is meant by “the Voice of Authority”?  Don’t argue with your children. Only answer “why?” with details other than “because I said so” when it is: 1) a real request for information instead of an attempt to delay obedience, or start an argument; and 2) when the questioner is sufficiently mature to comprehend the answer.  How many times have you answered the “why” and heard, “Mom/Dad, you’re exactly right- that is a perfectly reasonable, responsible, and appropriate command you’ve given me, and I am now happy to comply fully”?  That’s why you don’t answer “why?” every time its asked! The only point of view a child has is unquestionably immature, short-sighted, and usually not in his own best interest. BE THE PARENT!

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline What is meant by “the Voice of Authority”?  Don’t argue with your children. (continued)  Children don’t have what it takes to participate in constructive argumentation. To compensate, they simply hold on tooth-n-toenail to whatever it is they want whether or not it is rational, logical, or best.  So your elegant and brilliant rationale is wasted for the first five or six (or twenty) years!  Therefore, “Because I said so” or “Because it’s what God wants you to do” is a perfectly good answer.  Please review the story of Jonah to reinforce this point. God didn’t explain “why” until Jonah was able to properly understand the answer! Jonah 1-4

The Christian Family- Corrective Discipline Conclusions?  Don’t neglect educational and encouraging discipline by going straight to punitive discipline- it creates rebellion.  But don’t exclude punitive/corrective discipline from the process either- the “stool” won’t stand without it.  Whatever form of punitive discipline you and your spouse agree on must be administered consistently, fairly, and with the right motivation.  Don’t ignore God’s wisdom from Proverbs in this regard- it’s there for a reason.  Be THE VOICE OF AUTHORITY for your child- Expect and Demand Obedience; and Don’t Argue with Your Children.