** GOAL– TO IMPROVE ON THESE ASPECTS OF WRITING FOR YOUR RESEARCH PAPER TODAY YOU NEED: 1) ONE SHEET OF PAPER TITLE IT: Juvenile Justice Weeds & Roses Juvenile Justice Weeds & Roses Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box #1: The results: As (5 & 6s)= 32 Bs (4s)= 35 Cs (3s)= 13 Ds (2s)= 3 Fs (1s)= 11 ** These scores have been in Q and were are part of your 3 rd Quarter grade. They were hidden so you couldn’t see them until today! He, he. ** Your essays were scored on the same rubric, so compare this score with your Going for the Look essay. **Did you improve? In what areas did you improve? In what areas did you not improve? Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box #2-- ROSES!!!! Contextualizing in the intro– laying out both sides of the issue– Excellent! Thesis statements were clear and strong Use of They Say/ I Say Strong and passionate opinions! Strong “I Say” (maybe a bit too much though…) Good use of sources Reasonable tone of voice Professional looking and sounding Great progress!!! They made me happy. Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 3: Weed #1– Paraphrasing vs. Quoting; Citation errors Only quote special word choice. If it is just a fact, statistic, or story/case, paraphrase it. Both quotes and paraphrased information has to be cited. Watch using quotes that are too long! Cut them down by paraphrasing. Cite perfectly– need author and page number always Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box #4:Examples– should you quote or paraphrase?? 1) Government statistics show that 200,000 juveniles are tried as adults each year. Paraphrase & cite According to government statistics, 200,000 juveniles are tried as adults each year (Krikorian 40). 2) Greg Krikorian argues that juveniles may be incompetent to stand trial. Partial quote & cite: Greg Krikorian argues that juveniles may be “incompetent to stand trial” (41). 3) “Teenagers experience a massive loss of brain tissue, 1-2% of their grey matter which controls impulsive and erratic behavior” (Thompson 45). Floating quote. Must introduce the quote: Paul Thompson claims that “teenagers experience a massive loss of brain tissue, 1-2% of their grey matter which controls impulsive and erratic behavior” (40; 41). Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 5: Weed #2– Making organization smoother: Using transitions, subclaims, and topic sentences Use the first sentence in your paragraph or section (topic sentence) to:  Give an overview of the paragraph or section  Connect your previous paragraph to the current one Use transitions– first, furthermore, as a result, in addition, additionally, the next…, Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 6: Examples: Which are quality transitions? 1) In the article “Many Kids Called Unfit for Adult Trial,” Greg Krikorian says that 200,000 juveniles are tried as adults each year (41). No. Starting with a fact or an article usually does not give the overview of the paragraph or a connection to the last. It seems like a summary of the article. Change to: Because there are so many juveniles tried in the adult system– 200,000 according to Greg Krikorian– our legal system must be very mindful that they are a different kind of defendant and should be treated as such (41). 2) One of the biggest arguments against juveniles being tried as adults is that their brains are not fully developed. Good. Gives an overview and a focus to the paragraph. 3) Because the juvenile brain is not fully developed, juvenile defendants may act immature while on trial and the juries may see this inappropriate demeanor as a sign of guiltiness. Yes, provides a transition from the last paragraph to the current one. Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 7 Weed #3-- Balance! There should be a nice balance between research and your opinion/ analysis. 1 to 1 or 2 to 1. For the official research paper it should be 2 to 1 or even 3 to 1 They Say to I Say. The majority of your intro and conclusion will probably be your opinion/ analysis/ voice Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 8: Weed– More Sources/Research! **** Need to use sources more!!!! One quote per paragraph is not sufficient. ** Synthesizing sources. Need to use multiple sources per paragraph. For your research paper, if you want to make any conclusion, you must find expert research to back it up. For example: Juveniles who are put in jails and are released are much more likely to be repeat offenders and end up back in jail. ** Sounds reasonable and quite possible, but if you want to state this find a source to back it up. Juveniles who are put in jails and are released are much more likely to be repeat offenders and end up back in jail. According to _______________ the percentage of repeat offenders is _____% (Gaff 43). Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 9- Weed--Introducing your sources & gaining credibility 1) What is the difference between the following? Which uses ethos? a.Scientifically speaking, the teen brain is nowhere near that of an adult (Thompson 45). b. Thompson, a professor of neurology at UCLA School of Medicine, points out that the teen brain is nowhere near that of an adult (45). ** The first time you use a source use all or some of the following: 1) Author’s full name 2) Their credentials (professor of bioethics at Duke University) 3)Article title 4) Article source **This way you are proving that the fact or opinion of this source is in fact credible, thereby giving you credibility for finding and using it. ** If you cannot find #1-4, the source is probably NOT credible and probably should not be used! Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 10– Getting help in college Hints: 1) Have someone proof your paper– roommate, hallmate, Mom, Dad, brother, sister, etc. 2)Join a study group and proof each other’s papers 3) Find and use the tutoring center on campus. Might be called The Writing Center or Student Services. At PLNU it was called The Write Place (catchy, huh?). Future nerdy English teachers or journalists (aka English majors) get paid to work there and help you!! 4)Seek help from the source him or herself– your professor or the Teacher’s Assistant. They will have office hours when you can make an appointment or drop-in. Bring your draft. Ask specific questions. Be polite and likeable. Professors LOVE giving Cs, but if they know you, see your effort, and you can tweak your papers to their needs and demands, maybe you can earn As and Bs!! Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 11 Time to pass back. Answer this question: Which weed(s) apply to you? Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 12 T.W.O.= To Work On Answer: What do you need to focus on for your research paper? Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops

Box 13 Let’s start talking about the research paper!! Benchmark essay vs. Research paper In what ways will they be similar? In what ways will they be different? Erin Jones October 2013 for ERWC workshops