The Psychology of Love

Reflect ► Name somebody you love. Why do you love them? ► Describe two people you know are in love. How do you know they love each other?

I.WHY DO HUMANS FALL IN LOVE?

I.Why Humans Fall in Love A.Proximity 1.space/time continuum E=MC 2.*Mere Exposure Effect Repeated exposure to novel stimuli (nonsense syllables, musical selections, geometric figures, Chinese characters, human faces, or the letters of our own name, strange foods,) increases our liking for them (Moreland & Zajonc, 1982; Nuttin, 1987) ► ► Have you ever heard… “I didn’t really like him/her at first, then one day I just did.”?

I.Why Humans Fall in Love B.Affect (feeling) 1.Attribution Theory: we tend to give a causal explanation for someone’s behavior, often by crediting either the situation or the person’s disposition.   2.Events which are not a part of the person but happen in connection with the person affect the way we feel about that person. For example, if we have a shared good time (action), we tend to (attribute) it to the (person) we are with. Part IPart IIPart IPart II

I.Why Humans Fall in Love C.Physical Attractiveness (read attachment) 1.Neurotransmitters 2.Hormones 3.Familiarity – we are more likely to be attracted to similar others (mere exposure … to our own faces?)

Articles ► Read research ► Annotate  Hilite/underline important information  Comment in the margins (at least once per page) – What are your thoughts about the reading?

II.What Keeps Love Going?

A.E QUITY T HEORY A=B As long as both people in a relationship are giving/getting equally, there is satisfaction in the relationship. *Reciprocity Norm Think of a relationship you have of this nature….

II. What Keeps Love Going? B.S OCIAL E XCHANGE T HEORY This is a mathematical equation for love: Love = f (B-C) Love is a function of benefits minus cost. What could some benefits be? Costs? Can you think of a relationship you have for which the benefits DO outweigh the costs? Describe.

Types of Love

III.Types of Love A.Limerence: an intense, temporary unreasoned longing for another person ► Found in new and undeveloped relationships ► Not just romantic B.Passionate Love: intensely emotional state in which tender and sexual feelings, elation and pain, anxiety and relief, altruism and jealousy coexist in a confusion of feelings. It has been said that the experience of passionate love combines physical arousal with the perception that the arousal is evoked by the beloved. (attribution theory)

III.Types of Love C. C. Companionate Love: the affection we feel for those with whom our lives are deeply intertwined. Characteristics include: TRUST CARING TOLERANCE OF THE PARTNER’S FLAWS AND IDIOSYNCRASIES AN EMOTIONAL TYPE OF WARMTH AND AFFECTION (RATHER THAN AN EMOTIONAL PASSION)

III.Types of Love The Triangular Theory of Love: L = characteristic is LOW H = characteristic is HIGH I = Intimacy (closeness, sharing, self-disclosure, giving) P = Passion (sexual attraction, romantic feelings) C = Commitment (cognitive, intention to remain in relationship)

intimacy passion commitment nonlove low low low liking high low low infatuated love low high low romantic love high high low empty love low low high companionat e love high low high fatuous love low high high consummate love high high high

CHOCOLATE Chocolate.ppt

Make a CREATIVE Valentine or Love Letter that: 1.CLEARLY depicts the type of love you chose, WITHOUT saying the following: a.Passion b.Commitment c.Intimacy d.The word on the paper you drew *You MUST use the words listed on three Dove chocolate wrappers. 2.Use any/all supplies you need: a.Paper b.Bins 3.Write your names on the back 4.Write your type of love on the BACK 5.Teacher Test – I should know what type of love it is from the wording/letter. If you have to give it away, you lose points.

Love Lisa Diamond, University of Utah ► What do psychologists know about love? ► What are obstacles to studying love? ► Is love universal? ► How is our (American) culture distinctive? ► What is the “new” kind of love? ► What are the health implications of love?

Obstacles to Studying Love ► We want “real” science with “real” implications… nothing fluffy. ► Don’t ruin it for everybody. ► We already know everything. ► Myth #1 – Isn’t it just common sense?

Is Love Universal? Kariak and Fischer ► 186 cultures studied ► 6 geographical regions ► 80% of them showed:  preoccupation with love  preoccupation with passion  symptoms of “love sickness”  separation distress  great effort to be with “loved ones”  all have art/music about love *The other 20% didn’t have enough information to determine this information

How is the Modern West Distinctive? (North American/Western European) ► We view “passion” as a positive ► We expect “passion” in a partnership ► Partnerships are personal decisions, not group ► We have HIGH expectations for our mates ► Our relationships/marriages don’t last as long… but we do live longer…

Partner Quiz – What does research say? *Jot notes on quiz form as we evaluate them. Options: 1. Your partner 2. Someone you want to date 3. Fictional/other couple 4. Past relationship

Romantic Love and the Brain ► Dr. Helen Fisher Dr. Helen Fisher

“New Love” - Tennov’s Research ► Companionate and Passionate Love exist ► But there is a new kind of love to go along with it (or exist on its own) ► LIMERENCE (she made up the word, because it didn’t exist)

LIMERENCE ► Defined as: an intense, temporary unreasoned longing for another person  Found in new and undeveloped relationships  Not just romantic  An INTENSE crush – way more than infatuation ► Comes before ___________. ► May exist on its own without romance. ► Characterized by: 1.intensity of feeling (obsession) 2.NOT SEXUAL 3.mental preoccupation

Characteristics of Limerence Continued 4. hyper-attentiveness to the other person 5. fear of rejection (EVERYTHING is scrutinized) 6. proximity seeking 7. goal is reciprocity (return the feeling) 8. hope followed by uncertainty 9. ploys and plays for attention 10. mood dependency 11. physical symptoms (stress) 12. obstacles intensify the feelings (parents) 13. ONE target 14. priority shift 15. TEMPORARY !!!!

Whom do we feel this for? ► ANYONE  Friend  A person who meets our general criteria for a potential “mate”  Someone who might potentially RECIPROCATE  Someone for whom we feel uncertain ► IT COULD BE ANYONE

What keeps it going? ► Hope COMBINED WITH the potential for reciprocity. ► It’s very BEHAVIORAL in nature… the thought of potential reciprocation keeps reinforcing the behavior… little hints serve to keep it goin’

How do you make it stop? ► STOP the reinforcement ► STOP ALL CONTACT ► Zero stimulation = Zero reinforcement ► Stop ALL potential for hope

Implications for Future Love ► Will it always be like this? ► Passion ► Companionate Love Passion 2 years Attachment

Health Implications of LOVE ► When a person is “in love,” their STRESS reaction is reduced (cortisol low, calm, BP low) ► People LIVE longer if they are in a close relationship ► People have FEWER cardiovascular problems if they are in a sustained close relationship ► LOVE IS GOOD FOR YOU

Questions?