+ Addressing Problem Behavior in Schools John Winslade

+ Aim of this workshop To provoke shifts in thinking To outline a different approach to difficult behavior Based on a relational psychology Drawn specifically from narrative counseling

A comprehensive approach to violence Illustrates a range of methods Restorative conferences Circle conversations Undercover anti-bullying teams Counseling Conflict coaching Mediation Facing up to violence groups

+ Introductions Introduce yourself Why is it not surprising that you would come to this workshop?

+ What is a relational psychology?  The individual is not the center of the universe  All does not emerge from the essence within the individual  Relationship events are folded into personal identity  People try to influence each other

+ Usual approach to problem behavior Which rule is broken? Who did it? What does he/she deserve? Restore the authority of the rules Isolate the offender Apply punishment Hope the offender feeling guilt and remorse will lead to change

+ Restorative justice Who was harmed? How were they affected? Whose obligation is it to address this harm? What is needed to make things right? Restore relationships that were harmed Give victims a voice Ask offenders to be accountable to victims Include more voices

+ Restorative justice What do I mean by “harmed” Who is affected? Directly or indirectly “It makes no sense to say the school was harmed”

+ The person is not the problem; The problem is the problem. Michael White

+ Discuss in groups What sorts of events are you concerned about? Share a scenario you are familiar with What happened? Who was involved and what were their intentions? What was at the heart of the matter? Choose one from each group

+ How are you currently addressing these issues? What is successful? What problems arise? When might something different be useful?

+ What are schools for? Producing people, citizens, consciousness, knowledge, relationships, communities Places where persons become somebody (“individuals”) Dividing people into different futures (“dividuals”) Serving the purposes of social machines that govern political, economic, social, cultural life

+ If problem behavior happens, what is producing it? It does not happen by chance No organization or school is in complete control No individual is in complete control There are always limits to what we can do This does not mean we should give up

+ Violence and bullying are valued by … The neoliberal capitalist machine (competition) A certain level of violence is accepted The military machine Desire for violence is encouraged The administrative machine of the state Acceptance of violence by specialists is tolerated (e.g. police)

+ On the other hand … Students are not puppets They are seeking to “become somebody” They try to “enunciate” what is important to them They protest, resist what is being done to them They make decisions, speak and act They exercise agency

+ Identity is formed in schools is a mix of: Mandated identity What they say I can be Chosen identity Who I say I am “I’m ADHD but I don’t believe it.”

+ Discourses that restrain efforts to make a difference 1. Some people are born monsters. 2. Violence is natural and has always been there. 3. Schools are for academic learning, not social work. 4. A little bullying is good for people. They need to learn to toughen up. 5. Identify the bad types of person. Get rid of them. Then the school or organization will be less violent. 6. People don’t change.

+ Counter arguments No one is born a monster. We turn people into persons who do monstrous things Peaceful, just, respectful and cooperative behavior is also natural Schools are for producing citizens and this is a central function of education No one deserves to be bullied in order to develop strength Violence is not the property of a type of person. Get rid of some individuals and others will take their place People change all the time

+ What is a counter practice? Address the harm done by violence Build a culture of parrhesia (truth-telling, risky speech) Reconnect those who are violent with an ethic of care Listen to what victims of violence say Identify how people are already responding Encourage bystanders to take a stand Restore relationships harmed by violence

+ Focus on the event “The event is logically prior to identity” look for a category of person ask what that type of person would do explain violence through the category Don’t

+ Instead… Look for the event Ask how the event produces people Invite people to produce themselves differently

+ Specific Practices which embody these concepts Conflict coaching with individuals Mediation with two people Restorative Conferencing with groups Undercover anti-bullying teams

+ With each form of practice … Listen to the story of what happened Externalize the event Develop a counter story What would you prefer? Find singularities, unique outcomes Connect them with sustaining values Connect differences in ongoing actions

+ What is externalizing? Speak about the event as a 3rd party Attribute problems to it (not to the student) Ask about its effects Ask about the student’s responses to it?

+ Conflict coaching conversation What did you notice? What work did particular questions do? What assumptions were guiding this conversation? What surprises were there?

+ A restorative conference: assumptions An offense is an event in a relationship It creates harm An offense Sets up a relation Produces needs Creates an obligation To listen To care To respond

+ Setting up a restorative conference First questions to be asked: What happened ? Who has a stake in this? Who has been affected ? Has the offender admitted the act?

+ Opening the conference Welcome We are not interested in blame. This is not a court case This is not about punishment. It’s about putting things right. Are you willing to do this? Please respect the privacy of what is said here? Introduce yourself and say one thing you hope will come from this meeting?

+ The problem story What would you call it? What effect did it have on you? Fear Cost time off work Learning interrupted Mad at himMissed art class Disappointed Rudeness Shouting Intimidation Frustration

+ The counter story What do you know about this person that does not fit with this problem? What does that say about him or her? Helped clean up classroom Good at art Interrupted bullying Sent homework to friend Responsible Cares for others Can behave well when needed Believes in justice Has ability

+ The challenge Which story about you do you want people to know about you in future? The problem story The counter story

+ The plan Are you willing to put things right? Why? What needs to happen to make things right? What do you (victim) need to feel safe? What can you (offender) offer? What difference will this make? How can we ensure this plan happens? 32

+ Undercover anti-bullying teams Listen to the story of bullying Ask about the effects Victim is asked to name members of the undercover team (6) The team includes 2 of the worst bullies 4 others Facilitator meets separately with the team Victim is not asked to confront bullies 33 Meet with victim of bullying

+ Undercover anti-bullying teams We need your help To make victim feel better No one is being punished Tell them the story of bullying with no names How would you feel? Think of 5 things to help the victim Do them undercover Meeting the undercover team 34

+ Undercover anti-bullying teams Say hi to him every day. Talk to her socially. Ask her how she is. Listen to her. Start conversations with her. Give her compliments. Tell others to back off. Tell people that the rumors aren’t true. Tell her come and talk to us if anyone is bullying her. Examples of 5 point plan 35

+ Undercover anti-bullying teams Check-in separately with undercover team and victim Every few days For about 2 weeks Victim decides when team has done its work When successful, team are given Certificates Food voucher 36

+ Results In a study of 35 teams All were successful Bullying stopped Victim felt happier Team members enjoyed the experience Many bullies changed their behavior Some gave little help but didn’t interfere 37

+ Results One facilitator said: “The girl that was the biggest bully was the first to help end the bullying. She actually had the kids that were bullying the girl online apologize to her. She said that this was the first time she was ‘nice to another person’.” 38

+ Comments from victims It helped stop the bullying from happening again. I liked the undercover team, because Mr. Bully was a part of it and they made him realize his mistake and fix it. I liked hearing positive feedback, which helped me to think more positive and enjoy being in class. The main person stopped bullying and started to be kind to me. They treated me like another friend and I felt more comfortable in class. I gained friends from this. I am really happy. 39

+ Comments from undercover teams I really enjoyed helping out someone that never had a friend in her whole life. I liked knowing I was helping someone feel welcome and part of a group. It felt good to help someone feel better about themselves. It’s fun to help out others. If someone asked me to do it again I would do it. I liked it because no one knew what we were doing. It made me feel proud that I could help others. 40

+ Comments from bullies Not separated from undercover teams’ comments These ones probably came from bullies I was given the opportunity to help out instead of being stereotyped as the bully. We all learned a lesson from this. 41

+ Principles Address conflict and violence (rather than shift it elsewhere) Respect students and help them learn (rather than punish them or write them off as losers) Build communities of care around a problem (rather than isolating individuals) Restore relationships that have been harmed (rather than the authority of school rules) Invite students to take responsibility (rather than imposing it on them) 42