Divorce: Disintegration and Complication of Family Life We warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets. Proclamation, ¶ 8

A Helpful Perspective on Divorce Our responsibility to establish and maintain strong marriages Prepare well Follow true principles to maintain Seek help for serious problems An understanding about when divorce may be justified Recognize there are still consequences Not judging others Mourn with those that mourn, lift up the hands that hang down

Seeking Professional Marriage Help Find a therapist that: supports marriage and is pro-commitment. has a history of working successfully with couples will challenge each of you about your contributions to the problems and pushes each of you to make individual changes to resolve the problem. “One advantage of marriage, it seems to me, is that when you fall out of love with each other, it keeps you together until maybe you fall in again.” Judith Viorst

“Just Cause” for Breaking Covenants “Those marriages performed in our temples, meant to be eternal relationships, then, become the most sacred covenants we can make.... What, then, might be ‘just cause’ for breaking the covenants of marriage? Over a lifetime of dealing with human problems, I have struggled to understand what might be considered ‘just cause’ for breaking of covenants. I confess I do not claim the wisdom nor authority to definitively state what is ‘just cause.’ Only the parties to the marriage can determine this. They must bear the responsibility for the train of consequences which inevitably follow if these covenants are not honored. In my opinion, ‘just cause’ should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship which is destructive of a person’s dignity as a human being. “At the same time, I have strong feelings about what is not provocation for breaking the sacred covenants of marriage. Surely it is not simply ‘mental distress,’ nor ‘personality differences,’ nor ‘having grown apart,’ nor having ‘fallen out of love.’ This is especially so when children are involved. President James E. Faust (emphasis added) Ensign, 1993, May, pp

Understanding the Pain and Problems of Divorce Grieving Ambiguous and Tangible Loss Overcoming bitterness Loneliness Lifestyle changes Increased responsibility, poverty, etc. Co-parenting/single parenting issues

Rebuilding Families: Step Prevalence Nearly ½ of all marriages (46%) performed daily are a re-marriage for one or both of the spouses Estimation that stepfamilies will outnumber traditional nuclear families by the year 2007 Estimated 60% of the population in 2000 in some kind of step relationship More than 5.5 million American stepfamilies sitting down to final Thanksgiving dinner of the 20th century

Triangulated Loyalty Co-parenting Ex’s “ghosts at the dinner table” Language and labeling Lifestyle changes Finance complications and economic risks Family process formation Legal relationship definitions Cultural prejudices Understanding the Challenges and Complexities of Stepfamilies

We have always had these stepfamily dramas with us, in the past usually following the death of a parent, and now, more convolutely, following divorce. “Hamlet”, perhaps the greatest drama in Western culture, is a stepfamily story that begins with a son who feels abandoned and betrayed by his mother's aborted mourning for his father and her too-quick affection for her new husband. Loyalty conflicts in the aftermath of loss--that is the perpetual plot line of stepfamily life. …I am reminded of the Spanish phrase about social revolution: "la lucha continua"--the struggle continues. Stepfamilies are the moral pioneers of contemporary family life, showing us all how to love and persevere in the face of loyalties that multiply and divide, but never fully converge. William Doherty, The Challenge of Stepfamily Life Family Therapy Networker