MANAGING CONFLICT IN THE CONGREGATION A Presentation to the Congregations of the Michigan District - LCMS Prepared by The Rev. Dr. Peter Larsen, Director Unity Ministry: A Ministry of Mediation

UNDERSTANDING LEVELS OF CONFLICT The following material is based on materials prepared by the Alban Institute entitled “Conflict Intensity Chart.”

LEVEL ONE: A Problem Needing Solving 1. Issue 2.Emotions 3. Orientation 4. Information 5. Language 6. Objective 7.Outcome Real disagreement, conflicting goals and needs Short-lived anger quickly controlled; parties begin to be uncomfortable in presence of others Tends to be problem oriented rather than person oriented Open sharing of information Clear and specific Solving the problem. Move to unanimous agreement. Use collaborative style Collaborative agreement if possible. Win/win final end with acceptable mutually agreed solution Characteristics

LEVEL TWO: Disagreement Real disagreement with mixing of personalities and issues and problem cannot be easily defined Distrust begins. Caution in associations; less mixing with the “other side.” Begin personalizing problem…shrewdness & calculations start Selective hold back of information occurs by both sides More vague & general: “some people…” “they” Hostile humor and barbed comments and put downs Face saving; come out looking good. Tend toward consensus. Not yet “win/lose conflict” Attempt collaborative solution or negotiate acceptable agreement; win/win with real effort Characteristics 1. Issue 2.Emotions 3. Orientation 4. Information 5. Language 6. Objective 7.Outcome

LEVEL THREE: Contesting (this is the level for outside consulting to come in) Win/lose begins. Resistance to peace overtures. Focus on persons representing the “enemy” Not able to operate in presence of “enemy” though admire worthy opponent. Not willing to share emotions constructively Personal attacks. Formation of sides (often sides have names) Distortion is major problem and information shared only within factions Overgeneralizations. Attribute diabolical motives to others…”you always” … “we never” Shifts from self-protection to winning. Clustering of issues Decision making. Mediation. Compromising. Possible some will leave the church Characteristics 1. Issue 2.Emotions 3. Orientation 4. Information 5. Language 6. Objective 7.Outcome

LEVEL FOUR: Fight/Flight Shifts from winning to getting rid of person(s) as no longer believe others can change or want them to change Cold self-righteousness and will not speak to the other side Factions solidified and clear lines of separation Only limited to cause being advocated and will not listen to contrary information Talk now of “principles” not “issues” and language moves to ideology No longer winning: now eliminate other(s) from the church and hurt them. High probability of splitting church with many leaving Characteristics 1. Issue 2.Emotions 3. Orientation 4. Information 5. Language 6. Objective 7.Outcome

LEVEL FIVE: Intractable (may be wrong at this level to keep church together. May need a split without hurting each other) Conflict unmanageable. Personalities are the issue: no understanding of any other issue Relentless obsession to accomplish objective(s) at all cost. Vindictive. No objectivity or control of emotions See person(s) as harmful to society, not just to our church Skewed to accomplish the objective at all costs Focuses on words implying destruction and/or elimination of the other To destroy the offending party/person and to see that the fired person does not get a job elsewhere Highly destructive. May be necessary to remove members from church. Possible formation of judicial commission Characteristics 1. Issue 2.Emotions 3. Orientation 4. Information 5. Language 6. Objective 7.Outcome

CONCERNING LEVELS ONE - FOUR If invited in, the mediator from Unity Ministry explains the characteristics and help churches resolve the issues before they become intractable. This might be done by showing the deeper levels of conflict toward which a church is heading if they do not resolve their issues. Unity Ministry would seek the following outcomes: 1.Teaching about conflict 2.Clarifying the issues 3.Helping disputants talk in a safe and calm environment 4.Help move toward a win/win agreement 5.Negotiate a written Agreement after much listening and talking by all involved

UNITY MINISTRY: A Ministry of Mediation For questions and/or assistance in managing conflict, particularly for Levels 2-4, contact the director of Unity Ministry, the Rev. Dr. Peter Larsen, at or