Love Theories Day Two

The Triangle Theory of Love Robert Sternberg Passion, intimacy, and commitment Varieties of love occur b/c of the ways people combine these elements.

Theory of Love Liking= Intimacy alone Companionate love = intimacy + commitment Romantic love= intimacy + passion Infatuation = passion alone Fatuous (shallow) love= passion + commitment Empty love= commitment alone.

Ideal love according to Sternberg Consummate love= combines all three ingredients. Most relationships romantic passion subsides and intimacy increases. Why?

Attachment Theory of Love People acquire their attachment styles in large part from how their parents cared for them.

The attachment theory of Love. Philip Shaver and Cindy Hazan There are three forms of attachment: secure avoidant anxious-ambivalent

Securely attached lovers Secure about their position in the relationship. Rarely jealous or worried about being abandoned Adults: they report having had warm, close relationships with their parents. Parents were benevolent and kind Based on surveys: 59% of adult pop.

Anxious/ ambivalent Lovers Always fretting about their relationships Want to be close but worry that their partners will leave them. People describe them as “clingy” Adult: report feeling more ambivalence toward their parents, esp. mothers Parents were punitive and kind Survey 11% of adult pop.

Avoidant Lovers Distrust and avoid intimate attachments Adult: describe their parents in almost entirely neg. terms Parents were cold, punishing, and rejecting Survey: 25% of adult pop.

Summary of the three types Anxious = I often worry that my partner will stop loving me. Avoidant = My partners often want me to be more intimate than I feel comfortable being. Secure= Sometimes people see me as boring because I create little drama in relationships. Rarely: a person can be the combination of anxious and avoidant.

Results Mismatched attachment styles can lead to a great deal of unhappiness in a relationship, even for people who love each other greatly. Goal: tap into a more secure mind-set and finding secure role models.

The End