Crucial Conversations: When it is not that easy Chapters 9-12

Decide how to decide IMPORTANT: Define roadmap to a solution 4 methods of decision-making 1.Command (think parent to child) 2.Consult (input from many, decision by one) 3.Vote (majority rules) 4.Consensus (all for one and one for all)

When choosing a method… Consider the following – Who cares about the decision? – Who has the expertise to help make the best decision? – Whose cooperation will you need from the decision? – How many people is it worth involving? Good news: You can and should think through this before you start the conversation

1. Commands Treat commands like wishes from a bottle (you only get so many) Offer up components of flexibility (where can “sub- decisions” be made by others) Validate your command (in most cases)

2. Consultation Use when – a lot of people will be affected, – you can gather info easily, – people care about the decision, – there are a lot of options Remember to report and validate your decision!

3. Vote Use when – you know the losers won’t really care that much – there are a lot of good options to choose from – everyone can back the final decision Do not use when – everyone can’t agree and you get frustrated

4. Consensus Use with extreme caution! Consensus requires compromise It is not about taking turns No post-decision lobbying (decision needs to be made in the open and as an entire group) No “I told you so” (everyone needs to back the decision particularly if it fails)

Make a Gameplan Who? Is going to do what? By when? With what follow-up? Hold those with commitments accountable

Putting it all together Dialogue Silence Violence

Prepare! Walk through the conversation in your head before you even think about engaging the other party – Remember: What do you really want from the conversation? Is that a reasonable goal? What do you NOT want? How will you behave to achieve your goal?

Tough Cases Chapter 11 provides several examples Consider subscribing to the Crucial Conversations weekly newsletter Or, search through the newsletter archives for examples specific to your situation

Tough Cases: some tips Consider the “pattern of behavior” – Address the bigger issue, not each individual excuse – Address the issue quickly Calm down…however long that may take you or the other person Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a third party

The Breakdown Work on one thing at a time Reward your successes, learn from your failures Practice, practice, practice Go public Pass it on!

DON’T EXPECT PERFECTION; JUST MAKE PROGRESS