Marriage Preparation the Foundation of Marriage! Engagement

Daily Thought Engagement is like having an insurance policy! How? Why?

Objectives: The student will be able to: –Identify personal philosophy about marriage. Include your own personal list of characteristics, qualities, and values desired in a marriage partner. –Summarize the purposes of the engagement period. –Analyze signals of potential problems during the engagement period.

Becky and Joe had been dating for 4 1/2 years. They were both in their senior year of college when they got married. Everyone thought they were the perfect couple. He was a big football star, but had suffered enough injuries that he knew he wanted another career. She had been a cheerleader all through high school. They had both been obsessed with taking care of their bodies. Perhaps that is what brought them together; they both spent so much time in the gym. Their marriage had been relatively trouble free for three years and everyone marveled at how well they had taken care of themselves. They both looked as good, if not better, than in their college days. However, one problem had surfaced. Case Study

Joe wanted children. They both had stable jobs and he was ready to start a family. Becky had been putting of having a baby for over a year now and Joe could not understand why. One night they got into a heated discussion about having children. Becky expressed her feelings. She told Joe that she really did not want to bear a child. She felt adoption was a more reasonable way of getting a child. Her rationale was that they both had spent many years refining their bodies. Why should she be expected to suddenly give up her body to have a baby? She had seen birth films when she was in college and she did not want to go through that process. Joe was devastated. What would happen now?

DISCUSSION: 1.Would it have helped if Joe had known this about Becky before they were married? 2.How could this problem have been identified then? 3.What could have been done before marriage about the problem? 4.While Joe probably assumed that Becky wanted children and was willing to give birth to them, only half of his assumption was true. 5.Never assume that you know how your partner feels about ideas and important issues. These are differences of opinion that could cause a great deal of stress later in the marriage.

Engaged to Be…..... married, of course! It goes without saying that engagement is a statement of intention to marry, but there are other, perhaps less obvious, functions of engagement as well???

Engagement ??? Establish Yourselves as a Couple Spend Time Together Get to Know Each Other Better Observer Each Other in a Variety of Situations Discover Similarities and Differences Seek Counsel or Advice Arrange for a place to live Plan the Wedding Reconsider the Marriage if Necessary

Activity “A Cents of Floating” What does this activity have to do with engagement and eventually marriage? ? ?

Are you Ready for Commitment? Do You Know Yourself? Expectations Idiosyncrasies Values Goals What Do You Have in Common? Beliefs Dreams Interests Activities Do You Know Your Loved One? Life Plans Priorities Attitudes Habits

Seeing Double As a single person, you think with your own individual point of view. As a Married Person, you must adjust to being part of a couple. You must think in terms of “we” not just “I”. The challenge is to learn to see things as a couple while maintaining your own individuality at the same time. I want We want I willWe will I need We need I wish We wish I should We should I Expect We expect I planWe plan I You US + What might Happen to a couple who cannot make this adjustment? =

Show Video Clips Or Home Improvement “Engagement” episode.

Engagement Warning Signs A successful engagement is one that either confirms the wish to marry or the fact that marriage would be a mistake. While breaking an engagement is not easy, it is far better than entering a lifetime commitment with serious doubts.

WARNING This marriage may be Hazardous to your Happiness! Too much Dependency on one person Great Differences in Values, Goals, Expectations Lack of Family Approval and Support Excesses – Drug, Alcohol, etc. Abusive Behavior Brief Acquaintance Frequent Quarrels or Fights Guilt or Pressure Motivations to Marry Personal History of Frequent Changes (Jobs, Friends, Etc) Under Eighteen or Shows signs of Immaturity

Read stories from “Chicken Soup Books”

Discuss Potential problems or risk to the future marriage Marital Risks There are many risks involved in marriage. Below is a list of the most common risks that result in divorce. Based on these risks, how long would most students marriages last if they were to marry next month? Married at early an age (the biggest risk is when the girl is under 20) Parental disapproval of marriage or spouse. Unhappy childhood Poor relationship with parents Poor self-concept Different values Poor attitude about sex Parents are divorced or in a poor marriage Pre-marital pregnancy Length of acquaintance with each other is less than one year before marriage Either partner is physically or emotionally unhealthy.

For Richer, For Poorer by Gary Foreman You've fallen in love. And now you're planning on spending the rest of your life with that special someone. As you hold each other's hands you'll discuss how many children to have, what you'll do with your careers and even what your perfect house looks like. While it's important to share those thoughts, you don't want to forget a subject that is a major cause of failed marriages. An important element of any successful marriage is the ability to handle money together. And that can be a challenge. Think about it for a moment. If you put any two people together you can almost bet that their views on money will differ. One may look at money as a way to buy things. To another money equals status. Still others seem to go through life without any real regard for money. And that's not surprising. We relate to money uniquely due to a number of different influences in our lives. Everything from our childhood experiences to our philosophy on life will impact the way we use and view money. Each of us will make financial decisions based on a framework that seems logical to us.

Let's look at some practical steps that newlyweds can take to help put a firm financial foundation under the marriage to come. 1.Explore how each person feels about money. 2.Talk about your current ideas about money. 3.Define what constitutes a major purchase. 4.Discuss joint checking and savings accounts. 5. Consider how debt will affect your finances. 6. Decide who will be responsible for paying the bills and balancing the checkbook. 7.Consider whether you want to make any changes in your wills or IRA's

Summary: The months preceding the wedding are a busy time for most couples. Even if you don't plan a big wedding, there are a lot of things that will demand your attention. And many will have urgent deadlines. Don't forget to spend a little time talking about the unromantic subject of money. After all, it's a key element to helping you keep that 'till death do us part' promise you'll be making soon.